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  • 2 months later...

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?


A wonkey

Why did the condom fly around the room?


it got pissed off

What do you do if you come across Lion in the jungle?


wipe it off and apolagise

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what do you call 20000 layers at the bottom of the sea?????

a good start :mrgreen:

I think I speak for all chicken owners when I say that you are a sick man.

You should have chosen a different subject hentirely. I shell not be reading this thread again.

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The wife bought me a lovely new Rolex for my 45th birthday. "Do you like it" she said.

"It's great" I said "it will remind me of your pussy".

She laughed "is that because its exclusive and sexy".

I replied "Nah, Its a bit loose round my wrist"

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A bird just said to me i like ya beer belly,carlberg or tetleys ??

I replied theres a f**king tap underneath it,taste it and find out

don't read this one if your easily offended :lol:

Doctors in the Seychelles say the man chewed to death by a shark did not suffer too much as he was only married for 11 days...

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The missus came home steaming drunk last night. "You up for some role-play action babe?" she asked with a wink."Not really" I replied. "Oh, come on" she said. "We can act out ANY scene, from ANY film you want. Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake; however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror...as I shouted: "THIS... IS... SPARTA!" and kicked her down the stairs.

Chuck Norris once watched "the Ring" tape.. 7 days later Samara died

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.

The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" a...nd drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.

The chief screams, "What are you doing?"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, @sshole!

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.

So I'm straining on the toilet, pushing as hard as I can and then with a humongous *pop* ... it goes dark.

My girlfriend shouted, "Darling, are you alright? We've had a powercut!"

"Thank fvck for that" I replied. "I thought my eyes had exploded!"

I had a dream that there was an ocean made out of fizzy drinks.But then I realized it was just a Fanta sea

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  • 2 weeks later...

stolen from a different forum

I saved my mistress' phone number as 'LOW BATTERY'.

Whenever she calls and I'm not around, the missus takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly.


Saw a chameleon today.

So I guess it's safe to say it was a pretty useless chameleon.


America has reached a total national debt of 14.3 Trillion.

They only asked Wonga for £200 until the end of the month.


How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Lots, but they must all have the same name. As the say "Many Hans make light work!"


A tough looking group of bikers

were riding when they saw a girl

about to jump off a bridge so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man,

gets off his bike and says,

"what are you doing?"

''I'm going to commit suicide,"

she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive,

he didn't want to miss an opportunity

he asked "well, before you jump,

why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, she does

and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow!

That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting.

You could be famous

Why are you committing suicide?”

" My parents don't like me

dressing up like a girl."

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