Smokin Joe

Bill has a row with his wife about her housekeeping and storms off down the pub with her shouting after him, "And you can bloody well sleep in the spare room tonight" After a few pints he feels a bit guilty because maybe he's being mean to her after all and he makes up his mind to give her an increase. He gets home and the house is in darkness, so he creeps upstairs and as he passes the spare room the door is ajar and he can hear her gently snoozing. With a grin on his face he decides to give her a little treat, so he quietly goes in and sees a soft female form lying face down under the duvet. Down on his knees he gets and starts licking the back of her thigh, working slowly and gently up till he's pleasuring her with his tongue. He hears her giggle then start to purr and moan, before eventually giving an excited gasp and a shudder before sighing and laying still. Giving her a playful slap on the bum he gets up and says, "Wait till I get back, if you think that was nice I'm going to give you a seeing to like you've never had before" With that he leaves the spare room and heads into the bathroom. As he goes in he's astonished to see his wife lying in the bath with a glass of wine and a book and exclaims loudly, "What the fuuu...." She glares at him, "Shut up you fool, you'll wake your mother. She's come to pay us a visit and she's asleep in the spare room."

I ended up with an older woman at a pub last night. ... She looked OK for her age. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a bit, had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I’d ever had a ‘Sportsman’s Double’. “What’s that?” I asked, thinking maybe a beer and whiskey mix. “A mother and daughter threesome,” she said. I said “No”, excitedly,...”Never had one of those.” We drank some more, then she said that tonight was my ‘lucky night’. So we went back to her place. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, “Mum, you still awake?

I well remember the old boys saying the same about Hondas back in the day as they stood beside their BSA's, Nortons and Triumphs pissing oil all over the place. And remember how people sneered at Kias and Hyundias? The times they are a changing, as always.

It's such a fag filling the bike at a petrol station, particularly when some turd has slopped diesel everywhere, that I rarely bother. I mostly have a couple of cans in the car, fill those and decant into the bike when I get home.

They don't require you to remove your helmet before you cross the boundary, just when you're filling up or entering the kiosk. It's annoying at times but understandable from the garage owners point of view as they often lose a small fortune from drive-offs. Just one of those things we have to live with and not worth making a fuss over.

When they ask you to remove your helmet just unzip and get your knob out. So you misunderstood, not your fault...

The law discriminates against people who are not Sikhs.

Funny, my mum used to say to me, "It's not the other people on the road I worry about, it's an idiot like you".

We all should have the right to go to hell by our own route, so I'm firmly in the no camp. That does not mean I would not wear one myself, but I have no right to tell others what they should or should not do. And the argument about what you do effecting others is a very dangerous road to go down, bearing in mind that motorcycling is one of the most dangerous forms of transport risk wise.

No, they only go in a straight line.

Or put it on the fuel then those that use the infrastructure most pay the most, also those who use less fuel therefore have a smaller carbon footprint so pay less tax. Also you won't be taxed on something you are not using ie cage or other bike until they are in use. I know that will go down like a lead balloon but as a relatively high mileage user I would probably land up paying more, so am happy as is or is currently planned to be. Why should you pay more for using a vehicle more than the average bod? VED is a tax on ownership, not usage. As a high mileage business user I'd be less than happy, so would my customers when I put my prices up to cover the cost. Nearly all high mileage users do so because it's essential for their job, if anything it's the 2000 mile a year school run ar$e aches who should pay extra for their self indulgent habit of road clogging when they could walk.

They won't decrease VED at all, but if we want lowish general taxation, a health service, welfare, pensions, tax credits for the less well off etc etc the money has to come from somewhere and another seven million in the pot doesn't go amiss.

Not really, Tax Discs are just an unnecessary addition these days and cost millions every year to process and issue. But they do need to sort out the change of ownership problem.

Assuming the vehicle has been taxed by the previous owner. I would be surprised if a short period of grace is not built into the system to allow for this, as it is in driving an untaxed vehicle to and from an MoT test.

I bought a Subbuteo set a couple of years ago. I haven't played since I was about 14 and it's still in the box which has only been opened once.

Two wives go on a girls night out. On the way home much the worse for wear they're both busting for a P but there are no toilets open so they hop over the wall of a cemetery and squat behind a couple of gravestones. Next morning one of the husbands phones the other and says, "That's the last time my wife goes out with yours, she came home with no knickers on". The other one says, "You think you've got problems mate, mine came in with a card stuck to her crack saying 'From all the lads at the fire station, we'll never forget you"

e petitions are a waste of time anyway. Just a sop to make the great unwashed think the powers that couldn't care less are listening to us.

I passed my bike test before I drove a car. In fact I taught myself to drive in a Reliant Regal as you can drive a three wheeler on a motorcycle licence. During a couple of decades as an ADI I always found motorcyclists were an absolute doddle to teach, they already understood what the controls were for and the sensitivity needed with them, particularly the clutch - the bane of every learner driver. Bikers also knew the importance of reading road signs because if you miss one for a sharp bend on two wheels you're on your backside.

Nope, not at all. Just can't abide the poor grammar. And to say that it's a joke is a complete cop out. I'm sorry professor. I shall not speak again. I thought that I was such a hoot I was in wrong p.s Me sorry big time Me forgive you.

T reg Astra 1.6i, owned since the end of November. Low mileage and exceptionally clean for it's age, brings a few compliments from customers.

Just eat the bloody thing and say it fell off on the journey.

I'll agree with that, put men and women together and a bit of 'Ows yer father" is bound to happen sooner or later. All right in an office or factory but no good in a combat situation where everyone has to have absolute trust in their colleagues and there is no room for jealousy, resentment or bias.

Turn the bike upside down. Worked with my push bikes.

You might if you spent the night in a cave.

We are but a spec in the universe which itself is just a spec in infinity, how the hell do we know what exists and what doesn't exist? It's even possible that Bruce Forsyth may actually exist.