mealexme Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 What do you call a door that's been painted brown?A brown door.yup. that's the worst! haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colin the Bear Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Police suspect foul play in the death of Joe Frazier.They're currently grilling George Foreman. ExcellentI bought one of them George Formby Grills. Burgers have "Tuned out nice again" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I bought one of them George Formby Grills. Burgers have "Tuned out nice again" Time to get ya coat Colin..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polecat Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Whats Green and Hard?A frog with a flick knifeA man saves his wifes life after a road accident by giving her bloodsome years later they are going through a messy divorce and she has already had the house and the Harley so he turns to her Lawyer and says" 6 years ago I gave that Bitch my Blood,Now I want it back !!!"At this his wife pulls out her Tampax and throws it across the room landing in his face "there you are you can have it back in monthly instalments"Moral of the story is ........you never get anything out of a woman without a string attached Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikerBoy414 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 hey guyz - here coms the huma! lol Q:what do you call a man with his motorbikes stuck on the M11? lol A: Muggins here! haha lol j/kno but joking aside the traffic onn the m11 recenly is KEERAAAZZY!watch out for low flying planes loozers! lol j/k...and rember - hapenis is a state of minds... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpy Old Git Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 hey guyz - here coms the huma! lol Q:what do you call a man with his motorbikes stuck on the M11? lol A: Muggins here! haha lol j/kno but joking aside the traffic onn the m11 recenly is KEERAAAZZY!watch out for low flying planes loozers! lol j/k...and rember - hapenis is a state of minds... 1. Motorcycles do not 'get stuck' on the M25 - The riders filter through the traffic.2. All traffic is 'crazy'.3. Who, exactly, has lost a low flying plane? (#Plane# A woodworking tool; a level area of land; a projection of a two-dimensional view of a three-dimensional object).4. What exactly is a 'hapenis? I know what a ha'penny is and I know what a penis is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikerBoy414 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 1. Motorcycles do not 'get stuck' on the M25 - The riders filter through the traffic.2. All traffic is 'crazy'.3. Who, exactly, has lost a low flying plane? (#Plane# A woodworking tool; a level area of land; a projection of a two-dimensional view of a three-dimensional object).4. What exactly is a 'hapenis? I know what a ha'penny is and I know what a penis is. wow grumpy old git - way to make me feel relzies grate about meself. heres some replies to your mistakings.1 i SAID the m11 NOT the m25.2. cars moving within the speed limit are NOT 'crazey'3. plane is a comonly used abreviation of aeroplane.4.that was a spelling mistake - as was your misaprehension of 'plane' being a level area of land - that is spelt 'plain'.but its not all dooms and glooms - Q: what do you call a petty small man who unleashes a tirade of hurtful coments as a means of getin his pent up agreshun out.a: you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davefly76 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 How is it possible that someone who can spell misaprehension finds it difficult to spell guys, humour, really, myself and getting?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikerBoy414 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 i goggled it becuz i new it was bear long! maybes i shuld do tht with all words lol haha j/k (relzies sory for my bad spelin) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bogof Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 How is it possible that someone who can spell misaprehension finds it difficult to spell guys, humour, really, myself and getting?? Misapprehension Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davefly76 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 How is it possible that someone who can spell misaprehension finds it difficult to spell guys, humour, really, myself and getting?? Misapprehension maybe I should have goggled it before posting that... lol j/k Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mealexme Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 back to the jokes please, I was enjoying them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bogof Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 back to the jokes please, I was enjoying them Irony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpy Old Git Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 1. Motorcycles do not 'get stuck' on the M25 - The riders filter through the traffic.2. All traffic is 'crazy'.3. Who, exactly, has lost a low flying plane? (#Plane# A woodworking tool; a level area of land; a projection of a two-dimensional view of a three-dimensional object).4. What exactly is a 'hapenis? I know what a ha'penny is and I know what a penis is. wow grumpy old git - way to make me feel relzies grate about meself. heres some replies to your mistakings.1 i SAID the m11 NOT the m25.2. cars moving within the speed limit are NOT 'crazey'3. plane is a comonly used abreviation of aeroplane.4.that was a spelling mistake - as was your misaprehension of 'plane' being a level area of land - that is spelt 'plain'.but its not all dooms and glooms - Q: what do you call a petty small man who unleashes a tirade of hurtful coments as a means of getin his pent up agreshun out.a: you. If you can't take humour, you should not expound it.M25 = a circular version of any (including the M11) motorway.My "agreshun" (sic) is not 'pent up' - Ask anyone who has met me.You have apologised about your spelling inaccuracies in other threads yet you appear to be able to research correct spellings before printing. Simply use a spell checker before posting and it would save a lot of explaining and apologising and would gain you far more respect than you are currently experiencing. If it helps, I am 'word dyslexic' and have had to 'train' my brain to 'challange' my diction/spellings and I have reached a level where most of my ramblings are now legible - I still have real issues with words like 'Bouy' and 'yacht'.Bottom line - Get a life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Did you hear about the dyslexic robber......he held up a bank with a Gnu.....Or the dyslexic pimp....he opened a warehouse...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpy Old Git Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Dyslexia Lures! KO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
byangoma Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 i put the sexy back in dylsexic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colin the Bear Posted November 11, 2011 Share Posted November 11, 2011 Something about typhoo tea and Scunthorpe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 A guy is playing a round of golf with his mate when he hits a wild shot right into a water trap. As he's retrieving his ball he spots a frog sitting nearby. The frog then says "If you kiss me I'll turn into a beautiful Princess, and we can get married and live together for the rest of our lives". The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket. His mate came down to see what was going on and heard everything. He says to the guy "Didn't you hear that? If you kiss that frog it'll turn into a beautiful princess and you can get married and live together for the rest of your lives! Don't you want that?"The guy says "Nah.......I'd rather have a talking frog!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polecat Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 A guy is playing a round of golf with his mate when he hits a wild shot right into a water trap. As he's retrieving his ball he spots a frog sitting nearby. The frog then says "If you kiss me I'll turn into a beautiful Princess, and we can get married and live together for the rest of our lives". The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket. His mate came down to see what was going on and heard everything. He says to the guy "Didn't you hear that? If you kiss that frog it'll turn into a beautiful princess and you can get married and live together for the rest of your lives! Don't you want that?"The guy says "Nah.......I'd rather have a talking frog!"Now that is FUNNY But this thread is for WORST so tango is disqualified Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 A guy knocked at the door today and said he was collecting old clothes for starving people in Africa. Well I told him to f*ck off.......I mean they can't be starving if my clothes will fit them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 A guy goes into a pet shop and asks for a pet that can talk. The pet shop owner says "we've got this African Grey Parrot that can talk"Guy says "How much is it?"Pet Shop owner says "£800""blimey" says the guy "I haven't got that much money""well, we've got a Mynah bird that can say a few things""How much is that then?""£150"" Nah, still too much for me" says the guy"How much money do you have then?" asks the pet shop owner"£10" says the guy"Hmmmm" says the pet shop owner "we've got this millipede. I can let you have that for £10""Can it talk?" asks the guy"Yes, it can talk. And it can do odd jobs too"So the guy buys the millipede and takes it home. When he gets there he says to the millipede "can you cook?"" yes" says the millipede "what do you fancy for your tea?""I'll have a fry-up please"20 minutes later the millipede brings a plate in with the best fry-up the guy has ever seen."Can you fetch my slippers?" the guys asks"sure thing" says the millipede. And fetches the guys slippers. The guy is thinking this is fantastic and settles down to watch the horse racing on the tv. After a while he asks " can you nip down the bookies and put this bet on for me?""No problem" says the millipede and goes out into the hall5 minutes go by and the guy is thinking "I've not heard the door open yet"10 minutes....still no doorAfter 20 minutes he shouts out to the millipede "What are you playing at? I asked you to go down the bookies 20 minutes ago!!""Give us a chance" says the millipede "I'm still putting my shoes on!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Just seen a dyslexic Yorkshireman with a cat-flap on his head! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colin the Bear Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 ...............................................................................................................................................................................................................Clink penny finally dropped Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpy Old Git Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 A chicken walks into a library, goes up to the desk and says "book".The Librarian gives the chicken a book and out it goes....This happens every day for a week until the Librarian, overcome by curiosity, decides to follow the chicken....The chicken walks out of town to a pond full of lilly pads, on a pad near the bank is a frog. on the side of the pond is a pile of library books....The chicken stops....Drops the library book onto the pile and says "book".......The frog says......"Redit". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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