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Have you ever done a ninja fart?


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I did today.

I was on the train.

I felt it brewing.

I cocked a buttock and let rip for a full minute.

It made not a single sound.

It crept along the floor.

And popped up at a safe distance from me.

People started gasping and coughing.

One person said, "Good God!"

When it reached me it stank.

And I mean it REALLY stank.

Nobody knew whodunnit.

Except for me!


As Borat would say, "Great success! I like porno".

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  • 8 months later...
I did today.

I was on the train.

I felt it brewing.

I cocked a buttock and let rip for a full minute.

It made not a single sound.

It crept along the floor.

And popped up at a safe distance from me.

People started gasping and coughing.

One person said, "Good God!"

When it reached me it stank.

And I mean it REALLY stank.

Nobody knew whodunnit.

Except for me!


As Borat would say, "Great success! I like porno".

 

The perfect crime. ;)

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  • 4 weeks later...
I did today.

I was on the train.

I felt it brewing.

I cocked a buttock and let rip for a full minute.

It made not a single sound.

It crept along the floor.

And popped up at a safe distance from me.

People started gasping and coughing.

One person said, "Good God!"

When it reached me it stank.

And I mean it REALLY stank.

Nobody knew whodunnit.

Except for me!


As Borat would say, "Great success! I like porno".

 

The perfect crime. ;)

Mine was the perfect crime. I was in line at Walmart and an extremely foul ome escaped, so naturally I glared at a fat woman and moved away from her. he knew she had been had. :mrgreen:

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  • 2 months later...

When I need to let one rip at work, I tend to quickly nip into the locker room. On a few occasions I've passed someone on their way there while I'm making my escape and I have to hide my grin when I know what's waiting for them. Next time we take on some new temps I might let rip into one of the unoccupied lockers before they're assigned to people :twisted:

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Ahhh, mine are in the fabric seats in our tiny little staff room! I often go on lunch early to avoid the rush of girls all squeezed into a tiny room fighting for a seat. My classic ninja fart is to sit in the seat the girl I don't like always sits in, slip a warm one out, arse pushed into it nice and firm, and then f*ck off real quick a few mins before 1pm. Like an airplane seat fart, the next person flops down onto it and WHOOOMF, god awful stench! :lol:


Ollie did one last night - he farted into a wrap and asked if it smelt funny - I smelt it and pulled a face, hadn't realised I'd just been cupcaked!! :shock: :?

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I did today.

I was on the train.

I felt it brewing.

I cocked a buttock and let rip for a full minute.

It made not a single sound.

It crept along the floor.

And popped up at a safe distance from me.

People started gasping and coughing.

One person said, "Good God!"

When it reached me it stank.

And I mean it REALLY stank.

Nobody knew whodunnit.

Except for me!


As Borat would say, "Great success! I like porno".

The perfect crime? Certainly not victimless!


:booty: :booty: :booty: :booty: :booty: :booty: :booty: :booty: :booty:

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I did today.

I was on the train.

I felt it brewing.

I cocked a buttock and let rip for a full minute.

It made not a single sound.

It crept along the floor.

And popped up at a safe distance from me.

People started gasping and coughing.

One person said, "Good God!"

When it reached me it stank.

And I mean it REALLY stank.

Nobody knew whodunnit.

Except for me!


As Borat would say, "Great success! I like porno".

The perfect crime? Certainly not victimless!


:booty: :booty: :booty: :booty: :booty: :booty: :booty: :booty: :booty:

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...

There's a standing fan in the office, facing down the isle where the managers sit.


Yesterday the boss shouted at me when a chap came over and started talking to me. I carried on my work but he's a tight arse so he had a pop at the two of us.


And then the plan was hatched and action taken... Had a tuna baguette and a hard boiled egg as an early lunch. Just to make sure any fart was... Ripe...


I dropped off some work as it was busy and allowed the violence in silence ensue as I got to the fan. I dissappeared to my seat quickly and 10 seconds later I heard the sweet sweet music of "Jeeesus, what is that?"


It had blown down the entire isle, carried by the wind


:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

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  • 2 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...

:twisted:


Today is my last day on hols.


On the way back a fat woman wouldn't move on the path. Had a right face on her and I refused to walk on the grass because she was too fat and stubborn to move a foot to the left or right. I moved to the edge of the path but still barged her and she yelled at me. I shook my head walking off.


Today as I head down alone in the lift I let a hefty one go. It was hot and heavy :lol:


I smell it and its rotten! Lobster was a bad choice for my bowels.


As I exit THERE she is!!! She walks in and howls at the stench!

I look back and smile! Muttering she must have knocked the wind out of me!


Ultimate win! :lol:

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  • 2 months later...

Tried to do a ninja fart, walking through sainsburys at 6:30 am on way to work. aisle was clear thought it'd be quiet NOPENOPENOPE


It sounded like what i would describe as a dying elephant.


Quickly walked off after hearing the words "What the hell was that?" from the next aisle.


Thankfully i did not shite my self. I think it's time to practice the silent and deadly ones *nod*

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Jeeeesus Christ, I did a proper breakfast maker this morning. To add insult to injury - whilst staggering out of the bedroom to get away from the acrid stench, I tripped and twatted my shoulder full force on the door frame. Now I have a ruined sense of smell and a big gash on my shoulder - not what anyone needs to start the day with.

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