asharin Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 As some of you may know I've had ongoing issues for a good few years now (10+) with my now ex.Not long ago decided after 21 years together I could no longer stay in a relationship that I was unhappy in, and had been for some time. I couldn't just stay for the sake of the kids or hurting her feelings anymore as it was slowly killing me and making me ill. I did/still do love her in a way, but more as a friend than a lover if that makes sense, so it wasn't an easy decision to make.Anyway, not going to go into all the details as to why, but it had to end, so end it did.She went a bit mental, threatening suicide, smashing loads of my stuff etc (have forgiven her for that, I can understand her point, it was a bit of a surprise for her) but now calmed down and we can at least tolerate each otherStayed single for a little while, wasn't planning on another relationship for a while, but then I kinda got headhunted due to a random post I made on the 'spotted: bournemouth' page on facebook. Got talking to this girl and we eventually met up..got on like a house on fire.Haven't been so happy in a long time, after a age in a relationship that was pretty much just holding on for convienences sake this is a refreshing change. The only thing that gave me a pause to consider for a while was the fact that at 22 she is 16 years younger than me, but kinda getting past that now as we are so great togetherSo from miserable to happy in a few months, this year has been good so far, but I wish my middle son would speak to me again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tankbag Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Asharin, you're as old as the woman you feel But, seriously though if you both kind of meet in the middle age wise, by that I mean you have a younger attitude & hers is a bit older.There is 19 years between my better half & myself & this year is our 8th year together.I'm sure you're middle son will come round with time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiersR Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 My dad is 16 years older than my mum, but they split up. So take that as you will Good luck matey! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlecat Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 good for you , glad things are working out.as for the age gap..forget about it, if it works it works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 So So Happy for you You really do deserve to smile now and dont worry about the age gap, if you're both happy then it doesn't matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asharin Posted September 25, 2013 Author Share Posted September 25, 2013 I have to admit I did have to think hard on whether this was a 'rebound' relationship at first, but the more time I've spent with her, the more I have come to realise it definitely is not rebound, so decided to really make a go of it. So far..going well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmwdave Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 Well in 9 weeks I'm getting married for the 3rd time - a triumph of hope over experience. Nearly 30 years 1st time round, then got the "only stayed with you cos of the kids" speech. Jumped straight back in in panic, lasted 18 months. Been a more careful this time, been with my fiancee for 4 years now, living together for last 2. The age gap? I'M A TOY BOY She's +4 over me, but looks 10 years younger and acts 20 years younger.Wish you best of luck, never give up. Hope your son comes around soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 I was in a similar position a number of years back and it's a real tough time.......but in the longrun it's better for all concerned I think. My youngest lad didn't want to meet Mandy for a while.....but he's come round now and we go out together for birthday meals and the like no problems. So, give your lad time and I'm sure he'll come round..... Congrats BTW....glad you've found someone to enjoy life with again......I found mine a bit over 8 years ago now and still very happy together..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asharin Posted September 25, 2013 Author Share Posted September 25, 2013 Thanks everyone, I honestly didn't realise how depressed I was until after I finally left. I'm actually feeling alive again for the first time in years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bex Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 at 18 i fell for someone 22 years older, we lasted 8 years but the age gap was no issue, he was just a dick. age is just a number on a certificate somewhere, your attitude is more of a guidance. hope it works and many happy years are coming your way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boothy Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 22 she is 16 years younger than me, but kinda getting past that now as we are so great togetherWell played age is just a number on a certificate somewhere, your attitude is more of a guidance. That's what Jimmy Savile would have said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uk190 Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 boothy, stop interrupting the adult's conversations. Ash. i have always somehow ended up in relationships with girls younger than myself. dont worry about it mate. it keeps you young at heart.if folks make snide remarks it'll be because theyre jealous. true friends and family will support your choice. and remember, its being happy that matters, not the ability to compare what kids programs you can remember. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acting_strange Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 My wife is younger than me.....My daughters husband is 10 yrs older...it all seems ok to us Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boothy Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 boothy, stop interrupting the adult's conversations. Sorry, I know this thread really hits home as your girlfriend is 10 years younger and your bit on the side is 16 years younger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlecat Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 you're attracted to whoever you're attracted to....my partner and I have a 14 year age gap, and we're the last people to notice.funny though how theres not quite the same pat on the back ...good on you attitude when its 'our' way round Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Rach Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 boothy, stop interrupting the adult's conversations. Sorry, I know this thread really hits home as your girlfriend is 10 years younger and your bit on the side is 16 years younger Bit on the side? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boothy Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 boothy, stop interrupting the adult's conversations. Sorry, I know this thread really hits home as your girlfriend is 10 years younger and your bit on the side is 16 years younger Bit on the side? You not heard about him and Devans? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fozzie Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 To Asharin, not bothered on the specifics, that's your business! But glad you're happy!Hope this new chapter is the best for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nman1 Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Who gives a shite about the age gap, I`ve learned that when you get past a certain age the people you hang around with all seem the same. We just remember a few more/less older things. Enjoy the relationship Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpy Old Git Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 you're attracted to whoever you're attracted to....my partner and I have a 14 year age gap, and we're the last people to notice.funny though how theres not quite the same pat on the back ...good on you attitude when its 'our' way round 14 years! How does he manage to look so young if he is 14 years older than you? Can I have his secret please? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlecat Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 you're attracted to whoever you're attracted to....my partner and I have a 14 year age gap, and we're the last people to notice.funny though how theres not quite the same pat on the back ...good on you attitude when its 'our' way round 14 years! How does he manage to look so young if he is 14 years older than you? Can I have his secret please? funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikerMooFromMars Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 Moo's advice, from my experience of the most dragged-out horrible parental break-up, is to try to make the transition as smoooooth as possible for your kids, and make sure you spend as much time with them as possible. Sounds like youve been v open and honest with your ex, which is all anyone can ask for. There's also the possibility your ex will (not saying she will, but could happen due to jealousy) try to poison your kid's minds about you and your gf. I recommend not introducing her to them too early, only when they are ready and have some real heart-to-hearts, explaining why what's happened has happened and letting them know they are the most important and very much loved. Don't stop trying with your middle son - writing letters is what got my dad and I talking again after years.Good luck with it all. All of your lives will be happier for it in the long term Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acting_strange Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 you're attracted to whoever you're attracted to....my partner and I have a 14 year age gap, and we're the last people to notice.funny though how theres not quite the same pat on the back ...good on you attitude when its 'our' way round Wow didnt realise that Owen was 14 yrs older than you Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asharin Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 Moo's advice, from my experience of the most dragged-out horrible parental break-up, is to try to make the transition as smoooooth as possible for your kids, and make sure you spend as much time with them as possible. Sounds like youve been v open and honest with your ex, which is all anyone can ask for. There's also the possibility your ex will (not saying she will, but could happen due to jealousy) try to poison your kid's minds about you and your gf. I recommend not introducing her to them too early, only when they are ready and have some real heart-to-hearts, explaining why what's happened has happened and letting them know they are the most important and very much loved. Don't stop trying with your middle son - writing letters is what got my dad and I talking again after years.Good luck with it all. All of your lives will be happier for it in the long term ohhh if only I had read this before today!Ran into my eldest son in town today while with the new girlfriend, he seemed okay with it, but obviously told his mum when he got home. Later on I was hit with a barrage of facebook messages saying that I have no consideration for the kids and that from now on if I want to have the boys it'll be supervised visits as I can't be trusted not to do as I say (I'd said i wouldn't introduce her to the kids yet) Errrm..chance meeting??? Oh well.Not sure how supervised visits will work as she won't see me.Then she blocked me on facebook and doesn't answer texts/calls.Bitch.Oh well, I'll give her time to calm down, then if she doesn't see reason I guess it's courts for access.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 Wow! That's a little over the top!I wish you all the best mate, this won't be easy but hopefully it'll work out. Sounds like your ex has some real anger issues.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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