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a bit of a dilemma...


dfrbrowne
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I have mentioned a couple of times on here about a possible move to florida with my wife's work.


Now its getting down to the nitty gritty a dilemma has cropped up!


Everything was progressing along and we had a week in Tampa at the beginning of the month to look at housing and schools for our two children aged 8 and 5. The company my wife is moving with are giving full support with relocation service providers and visa attorneys. As soon as we are in situ the company is also supporting our green card applications.


Now I also have two elder children from my first marriage, both at University here in England. All along one of the reasons I have been considering the move is the opportunities it may also provide for my two elder sons.


BUT... my eldest, in his final year is 21 years of age and cannot be considered a dependent of the family, he cannot be included in the family visa application. My second son who is currently 19 and will be at uni for another three years will be included in the visa and the green card application as he is under 21, he can even get the green card (if we get one) while remaining a student in the UK.


OK so my eldest can come on a three month tourist visa. His other options may be an internship or a student visa if he elects to continue in education. The only way I can offer him a home is if he qualifies for a US visa on his own.


Even if in the future I become a US citizen (IF) it could still be many years before my eldest is able to live with us if he wants or needs to.


There is my dilemma...


Do I go ahead with the move knowing all this, knowing I can possibly get my second son a green card and the opportunities that my hold for him in the future but I cannot do the same for my eldest.


Do I go ahead with the move knowing that even on a three month visit every summer my eldest will get to see and experience so much of the US?


Should I go ahead with the move on a "lets see what we can do in the future" attitude?


Here in the UK despite the fact that my son is 21 and independent, living his own life and has his own plans for the future, I know and he knows that if he needs a home I have a place for him.


If I move to the US I cannot say that.


Its difficult to see how I now approach this move...


I am caught between my parental feelings to all my children and the support for my wife who really has an opportunity to progress in her career and wants to make this to be an open ended maybe permanent move both selling our house in the UK and buying in the US.


and it looks like biking is not as much fun over there anyway!

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I would go for it too but what are your eldest child's thoughts, if I were him at his age I would tell you to go as I am an adult and as such will provide for myself.

I'm sure if in a future emergency you can supply some form of support from the US.

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Ask them, what do they all say?


If you go and can offer opportunities to most of them is that better than not going and not offering that chance to any of them? Or are you worried eldest will resent he didn't get the opportunity? What would eldest say? Would he say to give the opportunities to the rest or would he feel left out?


We can't make the decision on his behalf, got to speak to him

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Yep, ask what they think. If I was 21 and my folks moved to the US I might be a bit pissy but the odd freebie holiday in Florida would take the edge off. :-)

Besides, why would. He resent you for wanting to be happy?

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my son is 21 and independent, living his own life and has his own plans for the future,

Kind of answers the question for you...


My view is the world is a pretty small place. I virtually never travelled when i was young - parents were too busy with family business to take me away on holiday, But my partner moved to the UK alone to come to university when she was ~19. She has three siblings living in Hong Kong, Denmark and the UK whilst her parent still live in Luxemburg, and they have extended family pretty much all over the world.

They all stay in touch by skype and email, and meetup for christmas and weddings etc in different countries.


This year alone ive been to France, HongKong and Denmark to visit family, and we're all meeting up in Denmark this year for Christmas.

It may sounds extravagant, but with flights booked up way in advance, travel is cheap, and staying with relatives often means free accommodation (unless we decide to get a hotel).

My 8 month old daughter has traveled more in the first few months of her life than many people ever do in a lifetime, which i think is great for her own development to see the world and its difrent cultures, and to realise its much bigger than just the UK!

Also its weird but living apart somehow seems to make them a close family - when they do get together the time is much more precious than if you see them everyday in the same old dull UK environment.


I could never understand my old school mates who never moved more than 2 miles from their parents home and still live in the same boring town/village. Yes they get free childcare from the grandparents, but they never get to see the world!!


Obviously speak to your son about it, but dont let him hold the rest of you back - when he has as family of his own, he'll love the idea of popping over to the States to visit his folks, and his kids will grow up to be international too which can only be a good thing.

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I probably only see my mum & dad 3-4 times a year....and they only live 75 miles away...... :wink:

21......he's an adult.......gotta make his own way in the world.....and in a year or 2 he may come to you and say that he's emigrating to Australia or something.....I know several people who's kids have done that...... 8-)

Sounds a bit harsh.....but you've gotta live your life too...... :wink:

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I probably only see my mum & dad 3-4 times a year....and they only live 75 miles away...... :wink:

21......he's an adult.......gotta make his own way in the world.....and in a year or 2 he may come to you and say that he's emigrating to Australia or something.....I know several people who's kids have done that...... 8-)

Sounds a bit harsh.....but you've gotta live your life too...... :wink:

:stupid:

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