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My CV...


min200
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Evening folks if you have enjoyed reading my rebuild blog you might enjoy the next stage of my rambling drivel "My CV".

This is something I started a while ago but didn't have the confidence to put out there if I am honest but after the response to the rebuild blog I figure what the hell I will see what folk think. So sit back grab a brew and see what you think as each entry is added then of course let me know either way best to be brutally honest you know!



Posted by min200 Thu, January 15, 2015 07:50:39

My CV.

Is a collection of the many colourful work positions I have held over my 41 years. I think you would struggle to find anyone else who has reinvented themselves as many times as I in the vain attempt to gain lawful employment!

My CV’s have boarded on the completely fictional and have let’s say somewhat exaggerated my skill set in certain areas, normally the ones that are required for the role I am applying for. If it needed A levels I had them, excellent GCSE results...no problem.

The only thing I have not had is a degree, I mean why would I want one? Have you seen the tools they kick out of University these days with a degree? They are ten a penny and now come in all colourful shapes and sizes such as the most coveted Degree in Popular music of the “noughties”...I mean what bloody use would that be to anyone? Nothing that’s what it’s just an excuse to have a three year piss up away from your parents chasing young women and hanging with your mates. Now don’t get me wrong because that is a bloody good plan but don’t insult the world by pretending it’s to gain a degree that’s not worth the paper it’s printed on. The government should re-class student loans for these mickey mouse degrees to the “Take Three years out to get wasted and laid then do some real work to pay it back grants”.


There have been times that I have made my CV look so good that I have effectively forced myself out of the running after the first hurdle for being “over qualified” which just goes to prove a bit of bullshit can get you a long way in this world! I mean what sort of plank writes a fictional CV so good that he takes himself out of the running before the race has started? That dear reader would be me and I will go into greater detail as we plod along in the book.


Stick on a suit for any office or management role or a pair of work boots with a high viz and you can talk your way into any job from labourer to site foreman. It really isn’t that hard when you think about it as long as you do a bit of research on the role before you go in for an interview you can sound very convincing. Adding to that you make sure you are being perceived as confident and comfortable in what your chosen “profession” is and be armed with a few questions relating to the role that requires the information that would be seen as knowledgeable.


But all that sounds like the start to a self help novel of which this book is NOT going to be. It’s all going to be about me. About the way that I get bored really quickly with whatever I’m doing work wise. I know I have a short attention span because when I started writing this intro page I was 40 years old but I am now 41 so if each page takes this long I wont be done with it until I am 20 years past dead.


Anyway best get on with it so lets start with what was an acceptable practice back in the eighties (that’s the 1980’s for you young ones yes you lot that are currently pissed at Uni passing this around because buying one copy between 5 of you saved some beer tokens, most of the population were alive in the last century) child labour.


www.justturned40.co.uk

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we grew up in the best era didnt we... kids these days have no clue how good we had it. all they want is the latest iPhone.

I just wanted a bigger penknife and some more rope to build a bigger rope swing or zip wire. Then when i got to 10 years old I wanted petrol for my bike and pellets for my air riffle, or a thicker rubber band for my catapult - everything happened outdoors.

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Definitely chap I was never at home! Bikes pop and sweets...what more did you need?

Those little clicky-klacky things that went in your spokes!

 

A wooden clothes peg and a playing card, is that what you mean?

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A wooden clothes peg and a playing card, is that what you mean?

That's the one - or one of the proper jobbies that came free with the Beano or Dandy from time to time. :-)

Or packs of Frosties. I think I still have a few in a box of sentimental crap in my parent's attic, often tempted to dig them out and fit them to the bike.


Also, I noticed a while ago that the Dandy is no more and the Beano is something strange and terrifying :crybaby:

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

Right then you may well wonder what I am doing and you would be right to!


"My CV" is going to be published as a series of books BUT it cannot be anywhere else I am told (condition of contract) so I have had to edit it all out here and about six other places I have it but I will let you all know when the first instalment is out!


I have left the first post in as a "taster" (allowed to do that much) and I will hopefully have more news soon

All the best folks

Nick

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Right then you may well wonder what I am doing and you would be right to!


"My CV" is going to be published as a series of books BUT it cannot be anywhere else I am told (condition of contract) so I have had to edit it all out here and about six other places I have it but I will let you all know when the first instalment is out!


I have left the first post in as a "taster" (allowed to do that much) and I will hopefully have more news soon

All the best folks

Nick

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