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Pointless and probably boring forum wish game


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I've seen this on a few groups on Facebook and its usually a laugh so thought I'd see what happens here.


Rules are simple. Someone posts a wish and someone replies granting the wish but ruining it in a humorous way.


Example:


I wish I could spend the night with Holly Willoughby


Wish granted, you spend all night stood in a police lineup as Holly picks you out as the person recently stalking her :oops:



I'll start it off



I wish I had a new Motorbike

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Granted. It is one of the new Enfield's that were made for service in world war one and have been photographed at the bottom of the sea. Unfortunately you part ex'd your current wheels and we cannot raise the bike from it's current position as a nom natural reef. You may visit in dive gear though.

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Granted but you mistakenly put it in the wrong drink, your own. A very hairy brutish man notices and carts you home with him. It just so happens that he is called bandicota and enjoys sticking his leg up men's bums. You wake up three days later lying in the street naked and unable to walk as you've been practically split in two.

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I wish Rophenal came in bigger bottles.

 

Granted! they now come in 80,000 litre bottles. You have to climb up a rickety old ladder to the top of the bottle where you've rigged up a bucket and pulley system to access the liquid... You're merrily pulling the bucket up when the cheap rope snags on the pulley, your weight shifts and the sad old ladder starts to rock. Flailing wildly you try and regain your balance but you fail, falling head first into the bottle.


You manage to tread rohypnol for a few minutes but soon you become sleepy.... so sleepy.... and gently slip beneath the surface.....

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They will but only in the car and only for long enough to ensure no other sleep is had by anyone.


I wish I spent more time doing things I liked.

 


Granted , but your Mrs will get bored being at home alone and start an affair with Lee Roy from the Jerk Chicken shop who has a dick like a babies arm holding a Jaffa orange .

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So far most wishes have at least resulted in the wisher getting some rough sex up the arse.


I wish I was having rough sex up the arse.


Now ruin that!

 

your wish is granted but afterwards it all turns a bit william burroughs. Your ar*ehole starts to talk. At first its amusing and a bit of a novelty. Then it develops teeth and starts to eat. After a week or two you wake up with a jelly like substance over your mouth which you wipe off. This happens day after day until your mouth completely seals shut. Your head withers away apart from your eyes which your ar*ehole needs. Slowly your brain is cut off and you lose all control of your body to your ar*ehole. Enjoy your new life.

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Goat scares me.


I wish for one non poisonous totally standard size chocolate donut that does not talk or is cursed or has hair, it's not locked in any sort of receptacle that means I can't eat it and upon eating it I do not want to turn in to anything or have anything happen to anyone I like.

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Goat scares me.


I wish for one non poisonous totally standard size chocolate donut that does not talk or is cursed or has hair, it's not locked in any sort of receptacle that means I can't eat it and upon eating it I do not want to turn in to anything or have anything happen to anyone I like.

 


Granted ... I have that exact doughnut in my cellar ... I mean fridge , collection only .

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Goat scares me.


I wish for one non poisonous totally standard size chocolate donut that does not talk or is cursed or has hair, it's not locked in any sort of receptacle that means I can't eat it and upon eating it I do not want to turn in to anything or have anything happen to anyone I like.

 

Granted, and it is the best doughnut you've ever had with no side effects... You enjoy the doughnut so much you want another but it don't taste as good so go from doughnut shop to doughnut shop trying to find something that was as wonderful as the first doughnut but nothing ever compares, 1 year and 50 stone later you can no longer get up and just lay on the remnants of doughnut boxes ordering doughnuts online.


I wish I was rich.

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You wish is granted you become rich but to do so you are transformed into a slot machine in a sleezy pub. People drop coins laden with fecal bacteria into your slot, making you increasingly ill, and your body swells with disease and £1 coins. Whilst you are trapped in your metal capsule staring at the depravity of the human race you exclaim 'Curse my metal body' no one hears or cares.

Edited by goat
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I wish I was a rainbow.

 



Granted.... but Bungle will sit on your face for nine hours a day , George will lick your nipples for another seven and keep catching them in his zip .... and for the rest of the day Rod Jane and Freddy will constantly sing the theme tune to you .

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I wish I was a rainbow.

 



Granted.... but Bungle will sit on your face for nine hours a day , George will lick your nipples for another seven and keep catching them in his zip .... and for the rest of the day Rod Jane and Freddy will constantly sing the theme tune to you .

 

Also you have to be friends with someone called Geoffrey

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