Stu Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 Maybe its those who have had the experience of "The wife wont let me" who share everything and have separate money! When I was with the ex wife we had a joint bank account and she took care of everything I just left her to it! I got what I wanted when I wanted and as did she so i thought money was good and all working well! I never saw the bills as I just left it all to her! Then came the fake bailiffs asking questions! It turns out she didn't pay the mortgage for sometime as well as the gas electric council tax water........the list goes on! So I kicked her out the house! Although it was too late to save it! that was game over for me! Now me and the "new" wife have separate bank accounts but we don't have seperate money! all hers pays for the mortgage and all the bills with a bit spare for savings whereas mine is just what we spend as and when we want! We both have access to everything and both know what happens with our money nothing is hidden from each other Our system works for us! I must admit I never get the whole mine and yours attitude! I also have mates who gave their missus house keeping money and the rest is theirs despite them having kids who needs new shoes etc their missus doesn't get any more than the weekly allowance I am a firm believer in that the bills gets paid and the kids fed and clothed as a priority then whatever is left is do what you want money 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Swagman Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 6 minutes ago, Stu said: must admit I never get the whole mine and yours attitude! I also have mates who gave their missus house keeping money and the rest is theirs despite them having kids who needs new shoes etc their missus doesn't get any more than the weekly allowance I am a firm believer in that the bills gets paid and the kids fed and clothed as a priority then whatever is left is do what you want money That’s old school Stu I thought that went out with my parents, we have joint accounts but I deal with all the bills and direct debits, the wife just says do you want some money transferred for any bills as she has accounts of her own so she can buy things that she wants without having to ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 Just now, Swagman said: That’s old school Stu I thought that went out with my parents, we have joint accounts but I deal with all the bills and direct debits, the wife just says do you want some money transferred for any bills as she has accounts of her own so she can buy things that she wants without having to ask. Yeah I know it is and this is what I don't get my mates are only just turning 40 so why the hell are they living in 1920! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Swagman Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 7 minutes ago, Stu said: Yeah I know it is and this is what I don't get my mates are only just turning 40 so why the hell are they living in 1920! They must just be living through the lives of their parents thinking because that’s how their parents were is how it should be, very weird for educated people to act that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 10 minutes ago, Swagman said: They must just be living through the lives of their parents thinking because that’s how their parents were is how it should be, very weird for educated people to act that way. Maybe so! Which may well ring true for me and my first wife! My dad used to give my mum all the money and she used to sort everything out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slowlycatchymonkey Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 24 minutes ago, Stu said: Yeah I know it is and this is what I don't get my mates are only just turning 40 so why the hell are they living in 1920! Control Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 Just now, Slowlycatchymonkey said: Control Maybe so maybe so! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S-Westerly Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 That's why we have a joint account and everything goes into it. If I'm away my wife needs to arrange everything which she does- buys houses, cars, etc. Most of the money is stashed wherever she gets the best return. She keeps a file with updates so should she pop her clogs I've a chance of finding it. We also both have accounts of our own with about a grand in for "stuff" so there's no " you spent how much on another fishing rod?!" etc. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mickly Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 Me & the missus have everything in joint names, but I manage all the financial matters. The reason for everything being in joint names is to make things easier if one of us kicks the bucket. I had a bad experience helping my Mum out when my Dad died as everything was in his name & she had no access to any finances, this caused her huge stress & was convinced that she was to be made destitute, thrown out of the house & the banks would keep all the money. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bianco2564 Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 We have a joint account but only my salary goes in, OH is self employed, has her own business account but earns not a lot but pays herself from it. She has total freedom to use money from the joint account but I've got complete faith in her not to abuse it. She knows I watch the bank balance and would question any unexpected outgoings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bender Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 @Stu do most of your mates live in Hull Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 15 minutes ago, Bender said: @Stu do most of your mates live in Hull Yeah I live in Bilton 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bender Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 13 minutes ago, Stu said: Yeah I live in Bilton Yea but your sensible, I think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 Just now, Bender said: Yea but your sensible, I think Sensible thinking! Thats as far as it goes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve_M Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 20 hours ago, rennie said: We've both been married before, both ran our own finances etc. before we met so We've still got separate accounts and our own responsibilities, phone bills, car insurance etc. We do frequently "lend" each other money! (in reality more like trying to balance several accounts) That’s more or less our situation. We’ve been shacked up for 19years. As my good lady is far more organised (and intelligent) than I am, she manages most of the household bills, I pop my share into her account and we’re happy with that. However, we’re pretty relaxed about who pays for what outside the week-on-week (month-on-month ?) bills. The only real exception to that is the bike, and touring. I bought it, and run it, and pay for most of the touring holiday. It’s still pretty equable as she pays for lots of things that I benefit from. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiggie Posted January 7, 2021 Author Share Posted January 7, 2021 4 hours ago, Stu said: Then came the fake bailiffs asking questions! It turns out she didn't pay the mortgage for sometime as well as the gas electric council tax water........the list goes on! This happened to my Dad with his second wife (My parents got divorced when I was 4). When they split he found himself with 20k of credit card debt He had never had a credit card as he doesn't believe in them. Turns out she had got a few of them in his name and had racked up a lot of debt that he was left to deal with when they divorced Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 Just now, Tiggie said: This happened to my Dad with his second wife (My parents got divorced when I was 4). When they split he found himself with 20k of credit card debt He had never had a credit card as he doesn't believe in them. Turns out she had got a few of them in his name and had racked up a lot of debt that he was left to deal with when they divorced Yup been there done that! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Swagman Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 5 hours ago, Stu said: Maybe so! Which may well ring true for me and my first wife! My dad used to give my mum all the money and she used to sort everything out Yeah my dad did the same, can’t figure out why she had a full time job as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liveware Problem Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 We have separate accounts, just split all the household bills. Only part where it falls down is that I do pretty much all of the general/food shopping, and forget how much I've bought over a few weeks. But it's pretty equitable, we don't ever have to justify out spending to each other but still are open about the state of our finances, yes including my expenditure on bike related stuff! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Swagman Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 4 minutes ago, Liveware Problem said: We have separate accounts, just split all the household bills. Only part where it falls down is that I do pretty much all of the general/food shopping, and forget how much I've bought over a few weeks. But it's pretty equitable, we don't ever have to justify out spending to each other but still are open about the state of our finances, yes including my expenditure on bike related stuff! Well if he complains about motorbike stuff tell him to buy one and join in Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trooper74 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 My wifes retired so has no earned income and is not yet old enough for pensions to kick in ... I transfer a chunk of money to her account each pay day on the basis that the income is the income, i couldn't work the way i do without her support, so it's our income, not yours or mine. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fozzie Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 My parents do things jointly, they've been together 35+ years. And I imagine it was the same with both sets of their parents. And I see why most people opt to join up finances in someway, but I now prefer to keep things largely separate. Never had financial issues in all the house shares/living with friends/relationships I've had apart from once, but it lead to some permanent changes. Due to a wage gap I was paying 70% of the rent/bills, which carried over when we bought a house. She then asked for a joint account but wanted to extend the 70/30 split into her personal spending so I refused as I saw a joint account as something to streamline 2 people, not subsidise 1, especially as she was full time employed. When I dug into it, I found out she essentially thought I was hiding income to charge her more, and had even gone to my parents secretly about it, though I didn't find out for a while as they did the maths and found no issue. I never found out what caused her suspicions. When I later tried to end things, she refused to agree to sell the house, and it took 2 years to resolve as I couldn't afford to leave. I found out if we had a joint account there'd likely have been more trouble. To the astonishment of all she involved, she said I was the one obsessed with money. My girlfriend has been with me approaching 2 years, and we've agreed that if she moves in, she will pay half the mortgage and bills and keep finances separate. I'm not opposed to joint savings, and if we ever have kids I'm open to changing it to a joint account. But not a second before then I'm afraid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trooper74 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 7 minutes ago, Fozzie said: My girlfriend has been with me approaching 2 years, and we've agreed that if she moves in, she will pay half the mortgage and bills and keep finances separate. I'm not opposed to joint savings, and if we ever have kids I'm open to changing it to a joint account. But not a second before then I'm afraid. She'll move in and you'll both have such amazing sex together you'll forget all about the finance thing ...... until it's too late and she's moving out with Lars the personal trainer .... .... Or! Jenny, the red haired girl on horse back .... the bitch !!!!!!! Sorry lost it there for a bit ..................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skyrider Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 9 minutes ago, Trooper74 said: She'll move in and you'll both have such amazing sex together you'll forget all about the finance thing ...... until it's too late and she's moving out with Lars the personal trainer .... .... Or! Jenny, the red haired girl on horse back .... the bitch !!!!!!! Sorry lost it there for a bit ..................... is it all coming back to you now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trooper74 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, skyrider said: is it all coming back to you now Pretty much .... got a better deal 2nd time round ...... but there was always the offer to just accept the situation and enjoy .... but i wasn't mature enough to go down that road ... i was only 30 ............ Edited January 8, 2021 by Trooper74 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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