And that's how I got the blackeye!

[Phooey]

This time last year I was all excited after spending hundreds of pounds on the love of my life. Christmas day came and I handed her her first prezzie. She opened it excitedly. "It's a wand", she said ... "A f*cking wand".

"Not just any old wand", I told her, "It's a magic wand. Go on say the magic words".

"Abracafuckingdabra", she said rather sarcastically.

"Bloody hell, love", I said looking down the side of the bed, "you've made all of your other prezzies disappear."

And that is how I got the blackeye!