MarkW

If there are fish in the tank there will be ammonia in the water, which bacteria will transform first to nitrite/nitrate, and from there to nitric acid. Is that at all helpful?

Of course, if my policy is to work we'll need some sort of expert panel to vet the applicants for their err.. suitability. As this forum seems to contain many people of discernment and fine judgement I think we could do a lot worse than to step up to the plate ourselves, and offer to [strikeout]ogle[/strikeout] evaluate the applicants.

I had the very great fortune to be born and brought up on a university campus, surrounded by people from every corner of the globe. In the houses immediately surrounding ours were people from the US, Japan, Russia, France, and most exotic of all, Wales. Walk around the corner and there were people from Germany, Holland, South America, as well as numerous African and Middle East countries. As an upbringing it must have been extremely rare, and I found it all fascinating. I am emphatically not anti-immigration, I just think we might go about it in a slightly more considered fashion. What irritated me most about the school admissions system this week was how, in a town with a 9% immigrant population, the school has a 40% immigrant intake. Unless they are all living within 500 yards of the place that just looks like bad planning to me. The headmaster told us that they are always at least 30% oversubscribed, and that he has long since given up trying to make sense of the allocation policy implemented by the LEA. He also suggested that we call the LEA to check whereabouts on the waiting list we are, which was helpful. Turns out we're second at the moment, but we can move up or down as things progress. Fingers crossed... On the hard-working immigrants vs lazy British chavs issue, I can add this: My eldest boy's best friend since day one at nursery is a Jamaican lad. His poor mother is constantly knackered, and works her arse off to make ends meet. Conversely, my brother-in-law has recently separated from his wife, and she was nothing less than a parasite. She was morbidly obese, claimed every benefit going, scrounged money off family and friends which she never paid back, and never did a single days work in her life. Not one. Three kids by different fathers, and we're all paying for every one of them. So, taking on board some of the earlier comments, I have devised an immigration policy that I think could work. Firstly, we should allow in anyone who is either going to work hard and contribute to society, or who is sexually alluring. Having both attributes would put you at the top of the list, but we shouldn't necessarily exclude lazy applicants if they are fit enough. Secondly, to ensure we avoid overpopulation and placing excessive strain on public services, for every person we allow in we should select one fat idle chav to be euthanised and rendered down to make candles. Sensible policies for a happier Britain. I might stand for parliament...

My father-in-law's xenophobia extends beyond people to include trees, plants, animals and insects. If it isn't UK native then it doesn't belong here and should be eradicated. Surely this means that the only things that 'belong here' are what was left immediately after the last ice age retreated.

Ha ha! Whippets are very trendy now, you know... Anyway, I'm definitely middle class - I get out of the shower to have a piss

My eldest son has made really good friends with kids from Jamaica, China, Nigeria, the Czech Republic and Poland at his school, and it's great to see. My wife and I have also made very good friends with many of their parents. All very nice, but the thing that took me aback was just how quickly my nice middle class liberal sensibilities went out of the window as soon as I realised that my youngest was going to be split up from his brother, and that my wife and I were in for several years of logistical ball-ache. I started muttering very uncharacteristic things about 'too many bloody non-contributors', and found myself stomping around the living room offering such pearls of wisdom as "I'll take a professional immigrant over a home-grown half-wit any day, but if you can't even be arsed to learn the language then clear off." All very unsavoury. Anyway, in order to restore some sense of balance I dropped in to Waitrose on my way home and bought some focaccia, which I intend to dip in posh olive oil as I sip a nice Sauvignon Blanc and watch Gardener's World. It doesn't get more middle class than that.

Cheers Shorty. It's a local authority school, and we have started completing the official appeals paperwork. Our meeting this afternoon is to try to get some additional information out of the headmaster, such as their admissions policy which isn't available on their website, and to ensure that we are on their waiting list.

Yesterday we were told which primary school our youngest son will be attending, and it’s not the same one as his elder brother, despite the fact that we live less than 500 yards from the school gates. Needless to say they are both devastated: they are incredibly close, and have been really excited about being at school together for ages. My wife and I run our own business, employing a handful of local graduates. As the facility manager of the lab she is legally required to be on site whilst certain types of work are undertaken, meaning that there are frequently times when she can’t get away until 5.15 pm. As the MD, I travel abroad extensively. Our nearest family is 100 miles away in Stoke, so we need after-school provision of some kind until 6 pm. The club at the school our eldest son is at runs until 6 pm, whereas the school they have decided to send our youngest to only run their club until 4.25 pm. Disaster. I am currently writing a letter to appeal the decision, and if I'm being honest it's a bit of a struggle not to come across as a rabid UKIP voter. Now, I love the fact that there are so many different cultures represented at my eldest son’s school, and I think there's tremendous value in being brought up in a diverse educational environment. That said, I'm slightly less ecstatic about the fact that according to the official figures, 40% of the pupils there are immigrants, and over 30% of them don't speak English either as a first language, or at all. As a slightly left-leaning wishy-washy liberal I feel quite disgusted with myself for harboring these vaguely right-wing views, but the bottom line is that loads of people with one child at the school are having to send their second child elsewhere, at least in part because almost every other parent in the playground is Polish. Diversity is one thing, but this seems a bit much. I don’t suspect for a moment that there has been any sort of favoritism, and in fact from what little information I have managed to piece together from other parents it seems that no real criteria have been applied to the admission process at all. Essentially they just seem to have drawn lots, with children with a sibling at the school having been refused places whilst families who live considerably further away have been offered a place for their first child. We have a meeting with the headmaster this afternoon, and I’m going to make the case that it is impossible to effectively appeal a decision without knowing on what basis the decision was taken. I'm going to ask him to spell out their admissions criteria clearly and unambiguously, and explain on what basis 60 other children were given priority over someone who lives less than 500 yards from the school and already has a sibling there. I have no idea if it will get me anywhere, but I’m good and mad.

Being on the receiving end of this sort of treatment can be very stressful, but get yourself a good union rep and let them have a taste of their own medicine. I was in a situation some years ago where a manager with an appalling reputation in a related industry joined our company, and immediately set about destroying the team. He bullied and harassed one of my junior colleagues so badly that he resigned, but not before I'd had words with him about his unacceptable behaviour. Naturally enough I suppose, he started on me next. I joined Amicus (now Unite) and initiated a grievance procedure. What followed over the subsequent weeks was pure farce, and in retrospect was hysterically funny. I was told I couldn't launch a grievance procedure because the company didn't have one; then I was told that I didn't have any employment rights because they had deliberately not given me a contract (I'd been there five years at the time); then I was told that my manager would hear my grievance and decide what action to take, which I pointed out was rather like asking turkeys to vote for Christmas; then my boss's line manager phoned me at home and told me that I'd drop the grievance if I knew what was good for me, and then offered me a handsome bribe when I refused to play ball. I thanked him for his call, reported it to my union rep and added him to the grievance. Eventually we got as far as having a grievance hearing, and to say I ran rings around my boss would be a massive understatement. As the colleague I took in with me as a witness later remarked, after I towed him out into deep water and torpedoed him below the waterline for about the fifth time you'd think he'd have got better at spotting the danger. In the end I got him to admit - and have the minutes record - that he lacked even the basic interpersonal skills essential for his role, that his entire campaign against me had been motivated by personal inadequacy, and finally and most gloriously, that he was either dishonest or incompetent but he wasn't sure which. At the end of the meeting I told him that if I passed this on to my union he would be finished, because not even the senior management were dumb enough to go into a tribunal to defend someone against charges they have already admitted. I restated my initial position, which was that all I wanted was a formal apology and retraction of his comments, and an undertaking to behave properly in future. Arrogant to the last, he said he'd see me in the tribunal. He was fired for gross incompetence the next day. The upshot was I got his job and his company car, and even found a quid under the seat when I cleaned it

This. I had a serious issue with a manager years ago, joined a union, and they promptly nailed his dick to the desk. It's dirt cheap to join, you are legally entitled to be a member of a union, and are under no obligation to disclose it if you don't want to.

That's what I'm banking on. I bought an iPad through my business with every intention of using it for work, but then the kids got hold of it. If HMRC ever checked what was on it they'd have to conclude that my business involves playing Greedy Mouse, Hungry Spiders and Lego Star Wars.

Is that insect electrophysiology? I once shared a lab in my postgrad says with a research group sticking electrodes in aphid antennae...

Well, tomorrow is the big day - the day my wife and I go from being the sole employees of our company to having staff. We've got two new people joining us, and then later in the year one of our consultants is relocating from the other end of the country to join us as well. Exciting times!

Indeed I do! I took out a lease on a workshop just before Christmas, and we moved in on 1st Feb. My little lad has been down there with me a couple of times as we finish off the half-built mezzanine started by the previous occupant, and he couldn't be more excited! Watch this space...

Thanks peeps! Well in the end I've gone for a hybrid approach: I bought a sprayer from Screwfix last night and made a start on the small bedroom. After masking over the floor, skirting, windows, door and radiator with polythene and tape I filled the sprayer with watered-down white emulsion and let fly. First impressions are that it's going to be great for putting on the first couple of mist coats, and that it has spruced up the white ceiling and coving quite nicely. However, getting a good quality finish with the colour coat is clearly going to be a good deal harder than just using a roller, so that's my plan: sprayer to quickly cover the walls with a thin base coat, and then roller to make a nice job of the top coats. Result!

Hi folks Now that the extensive plastering has dried I am faced with having to paint it all - hallway, stairs, landing and two bedrooms! I thought I'd invest in one of those pressure-fed rollers, but when I looked on the Screwfix website I found that domestic paint sprayers seem to be the thing. Has anybody used one of these, and if so what were the results like? Looks as though it might be faster than a roller, and also a better way of accessing hard-to-reach areas. Cheers!

So, I've really got the bug for these European jollies on the bike, and my next is to a meeting in Paris in March. And as each trip is completed I do a bit of gear fettling in preparation for the next. I have just replaced my hard panniers with Kriega tail bags, and couldn't be happier with them. My next tasks are to find a properly water proof tank bag and a better satnav. At the moment I have a Vanucci tank bag, which has a little satnav compartment (I'm using the TomTom Start that normally lives in the car). The two problems I have with it are that the main part of the bag isn't waterproof, and the plastic window keeps touching the satnav screen and opening weird menus: last week I found myself hurtling down the motorway, steering with one hand whilst trying to navigate my way back to the map from the 'preferences' menu with the other. Not at all sensible. Surprisingly, I haven't found a zip-up tank bag that is waterproof. I say surprisingly because there are some very good waterproof zips out there - the TiZip in my drysuit, for instance, which kept me bone dry down to 40 metres when I used to scuba dive. So I'm thinking that the way forward might be to get another Kriega bag (the US20, perhaps) and their tank mounting kit. Does anyone have any experience with this, or know of any properly waterproof bags? I am also going to re-route the sockets for my USB charger and Gerbing dual controller so that instead of connecting under the seat (which is a bit of a pain in the backside when the seat is strapped into place by the luggage) they poke out up near the steering yoke. Then when I set off I'll run the satnav and heat controller cables through the tank bag straps, which should keep things tidy and yet still easy to disconnect. The only issue I foresee there is that neither the USB nor the Gerbing socket looks very waterproof. I'll have to give that a bit of thought. Satnav-wise, the Garmin Zumo 590lm looks like it might be the way to go. It's a bit pricey, but then I have decided against the ZZR1400 I was saving up for (don't need any more than my 1200 to be honest, and can't really justify the cost) so it will be a bit of a consolation purchase. Any thoughts, suggestions or better ideas much appreciated!

Hi OhJay That was one of my concerns - I think GFP labels are even used to quantify horizontal plasmid transfer, so I could easily end up tracking a whole load of non-target organisms. The background to this is that EU regulatory authorities responsible for approving microbial pesticides (which are usually bacteria or fungi, but occasionally viruses) are getting increasingly interested in the environmental fate and behaviour of these microorganisms once they have been applied to crops. Historically they have accepted the fact that they cause short-term perturbations in the native microbial community, as do other agricultural practices such as ploughing, liming and fertilising, and that these communities return to equilibrium after a few weeks. This is becoming more of an issue now due to the increased use of microorganism strains isolated from outside the EU, invalidating the well-used arguments about the ubiquity of the organism in the receiving environment. I'm wondering if there is a way I could inoculate a microorganism into natural soil in the lab (artificial soils would be easier to work with but would be rejected by regulators as hopelessly unrepresentative) and then quantify its decay or proliferation over time. Cheers!

Ha ha! Yes, it is a bit esoteric, but after my surprise success with another shot-in-the-dark question (root canal problems) I thought I'd have a punt! GFP (Green Fluorescence Protein) is a protein that fluoresces under certain wavelengths of light, and that can be used to label microorganisms to make them easier to track in complex systems, like soil. Trouble is I don't know enough about it to know if it would be suitable for what I need to do, so I was hoping someone might be able to give me a little primer before I go and make myself look like a complete cretin in front of some academic types. Not that it would be the first time...

Bit of a long shot, but I'm looking for some info on techniques for measuring the persistence and multiplication of non-native microorganisms in soil. I'm thinking GFP-labelling might be worth considering, but I'm not sure how well conserved the trait is over a long-term study. Any ideas most welcome!

It was certainly chilly - ignition and choke both frozen solid on Friday morning, and the bike covered in hail that had frozen rock hard! The roads around a Wageningen were lethal too, with a couple of bad patches of black ice. I also discovered that deep gravel that has frozen solid, and which suddenly disintegrates into icy clumps under the wheels, is one of the most unpleasant things you can ride on. Luckily I managed to stay upright, and once on the motorways everything was fine. I had to do some demon filtering around Antwerp which would have been a bit too tight for comfort with the hard luggage, but no problem with the Kriega stuff. I was really lucky with the weather on the way back too: very cold but bright skies through Holland, Belgium and France, and only about 10 minutes light rain when I got off the train in Folkestone. All good fun, and I'm heading in to Paris next month!

I'm in a hotel in Holland, and my bike is outside, now sporting a covering of snow after my journey into town this morning for a meeting. I have the rest of the day to kill before my next journey tomorrow morning, which is a meeting an hour down the road on the way back to the Eurotunnel. I came over yesterday, leaving Harrogate just after 6 am and arriving here 12 hours later. With the exception of the first hour down the A1 it rained non-stop to Folkestone, and after a half-hour hiatus on the train things got considerably worse on the other side. Gusting rain that you see coming in huge sheets across the fields that sends you wandering towards another lane when it hits you, torrential downpours, and at one point a hail and thunderstorm of such ferocity that cars and trucks were pulling off the motorway with me to sit it out. But if nothing else, it has given me the chance to thoroughly field test my gear and see what has made the grade and what hasn't. First up, my Held waterproofs. They did a fantastic job of keeping me dry for most of the journey, but I guess even the best stuff has its limits, and they finally gave up somewhere near Antwerp. I can't complain though, because although I was a bit soggy I wasn't particularly cold. They were almost completely dry again this morning and performed faultlessly in the early morning rain and snow. Next, the Kriega luggage. I hate the hard panniers and top box that came with the bike: you have to disassemble half the back end to fit the frame, they look naff, need two trips to the bike to load / unload, and take up way too much storage space in the garage. So they will soon be starring on Ebay, and I have gone for the Kriega US30, two US20s and a US10. Properly, properly impressed. They are modular, so you add more as you need it, and hold a surprising amount of stuff. The webbing loops are fitted to the subframe under the seat, so it's just a case of flipping them out when you want to use them and poking them back when you're done. The whole lot locks together with neat little clips, and is rock solid on the move. You can take the whole lot off in one go at the other end, and when you get back home the three smaller bags roll up neatly and fit in the big one, taking up less shelf space than a single pannier. Result! Best of all, after 12 hours of relentless punishment yesterday the contents were absolutely bone dry. Astonishingly good bit of kit, and I'll be looking to see if they do a tank bag: mine isn't waterproof, which doesn't really matter because everything that I put in it either is (Panasonic Lumix DMC-FT5: the perfect adventure camera - go and buy one immediately) or is in waterproof wallets. Let's just say that the same high praise is not forthcoming where the Gerbing XR-12 heated gloves are concerned. To commit my thoughts on these to print is to risk a description that will not rise above the excremental. They were fantastic for the first hour of the trip, keeping my pinkies toasty warm. And then the rain started. According to the blurb that came with them, they use a new high-tech waterproofing technology, for which read 'we made them out of something with the same water-repellent properties as sponge.' To put it into context, as I was waiting to board the Eurotunnel I un-tucked the gloves from my jacket, lifted my hand up and made a fist. I estimate that no less than half a cup of water came out of each one. There is a fleecy lining, which soaks the water up like, well, a sponge, and once wet getting them on and off is something of a struggle. I can only assume that the inner wiring didn't like the soaking they got, because the controller went haywire and then stopped working altogether, leaving me with a pair of soaking wet unheated gloves. Luckily they seemed to function on the wetsuit principle, in that once my hands had warmed the water in the gloves they didn't get much colder. Given that they failed so spectacularly I think a return to the manufacturer might be in order: the internet is not awash with complaints, so I can only assume that one of us has cocked up somewhere. Right - time for tea. It's a bit of a posh restaurant at this hotel, so you can imagine my dismay when I sat down yesterday evening after my journey to be told that the chef would like to propose 'structures of cauliflower'. I asked if there was any chance of him proposing structures of pie, and when the waitress looked at me blankly I requested any form of dead animal, preferably wrapped in pastry. And give them their due, what they served up was a very good dead animal indeed.

My bike satnav is hopeless. It's the Tomtom Start that normally lives in the car, stuffed in a waterproof tank bag. By far its best feature is the auto-rotate display, which can't be disabled. At the slightest jolt it flips 180 degrees, and you look down to find yourself having to negotiate a massive intersection upside down. Slightly too hard on the brakes coming to a stop: screen flips. Go round a bend with more than 1 degree of lean: screen flips. Go up or down a hill: screen flips. The only way to rectify the situation is to give it a hefty clout and make it flip back the right way, so you end up spending half the journey beating the sh*t out of the damn thing. Maybe I need to invest in something better...

I'm new to this biking lark, and I think it was the fact that I'm still surprised how quickly bike batteries go flat that had me wondering!

You'll be fine Thanks Phil I was pretty sure it'd be OK, but then I am the person who assured my wife I knew what I was doing a nanosecond before cutting through a live 3-phase cable in our lab