MarkW

Yup - this is a quick snap from last weekend:

Quite so. Personally, I shall be taking by eldest son fly-fishing on Saturday, where I will no doubt expound at great length on the finer points of loop dynamics and line control as the cool lake water gently laps my testicles.

Undoubtedly. I take your point, but there are some genuinely hardworking MPs out there who certainly put in the hours for their constituents. And I don't think anyone could accuse Theresa May of being lazy - whatever else they may think of her abilities. But Farage elevates bone idleness to an art form. I'm not on about em being lazy , they are a spineless bunch of twats who are doing thier best to remain. And do you even know who half of them are? I've long since lost track of which nonentity is in which post this week... Anyway - back to the original point: may I have your views on paying £5.25 for a milkshake?

Undoubtedly. I take your point, but there are some genuinely hardworking MPs out there who certainly put in the hours for their constituents. And I don't think anyone could accuse Theresa May of being lazy - whatever else they may think of her abilities. But Farage elevates bone idleness to an art form.

Farage is far too lazy to be PM - he's only interested in stirring shit, not doing any real work. As Verhofstadt said back in 2016, Brexit will save them the biggest waste of EU resources: Nigel Farage's salary.

As far as I have been able to make out, her career consists of being a spineless, clueless, gormless drip. No wonder Corbyn nominated her for a life peerage... And quite frankly, anyone who claims that 'To Kill A Mockingbird' is their favourite novel is either engaging in a bit of clumsy virtue-signalling or is just not very well read.

We moved to a new unit shortly after the theft, and in addition to being fully insured (with a different company to the last one) the new place has a large fob-operated electronic security gate, extensive CCTV that can be viewed and controlled by mobile phone, an alarm system that is externally monitored 24/7 and a no-nonsense Yorkshire landlord across the road with a shotgun and a big dog, plus a lot of like-minded friends nearby, also with shotguns and big dogs. I think any pikey who tries his luck there will rapidly find himself wishing he hadn't.

I wouldn't mind lobbing a pillowcase full of runny shit at Shami Chakrabarti...

£5.25 for a f*cking milkshake!

This is the conversation I had when I phoned Harrogate Borough Council a couple of years ago: Hello, Environmental Services team: how can I help you? - Ah good morning. Can I just check that if I report a load of plasterboard dumped in the street I won't get charged for it being taken away? Absolutely not Sir - we'll send a unit out to clean it up immediately, and the person who reports it doesn't have to pay anything. Whereabouts has it been dumped? - I haven't decided yet: I've only just got back from your recycling centre where they wanted to charge me £2.70 per bag.

We thought they were insured. I wrote something on here about it at the time: we'd rented a small workshop to complete a few DIY jobs (making doors and windows, and rebuilding some PA cabs) and the insurance company had assured my wife on the phone that the contents were covered. It turns out they weren't. Bahco stuff is great - I have a few pieces of theirs, with a little 1/4" socket set being one of my most-used tools. It was mainly woodworking power tools that I lost in the theft, and they were taken from a quiet little workshop tucked away in the middle of nowhere, chosen specifically so we could get on with projects in peace and seclusion. The other three units on the site got cleaned out at the same time.

Until they get stolen, and then you cry again. Then you have to replace them, and cry a third time...

Mine is a complete fabrication, as my real name is Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling, and I thought you'd all take the piss.

And what's this got to do with my prostate?

Yup - on any garage forecourt: it's called 'diesel'. Fill it up with that and you're good to go.

I'm the first to admit that my views on the death penalty are hopelessly confused. I hate the idea of capital punishment and would vote against it without hesitation if the situation ever arose: I don't like decisions that can't be reversed or punishments that can't be undone, and nor do I think anyone should have the power of life and death over us. There is something deeply disturbing about the eagerness with which some people want to see their fellow humans pushed off a scaffold with a rope around their neck, or tied to a post and shot. But on the other hand, if it was a member of my family they'd attacked I'd happily feed them feet first into a wood chipper. Very slowly.

They'd have to run away backwards for you to stand any chance of getting away with it! If that kind of thing worked the US would be peaceable crime free country. I'm not totally convinced that the police turning a blind eye to doorstep executions would make the US a peaceable and crime-free country.

They'd have to run away backwards for you to stand any chance of getting away with it!

Quite so. Adolf Fick's early contact lenses were shit.

The key diagnostic feature is the fact that it's clearly looking at something, so it's obviously a Peking duck.

This is the problem: when the police are stretched to the point that they openly admit that unless there's an imminent threat to life they won't be turning up, the pikeys know they don't even have to operate under cover of darkness any more - they turn up in broad daylight, flicking v-signs at you as they help themselves to your stuff. And if you do go out and get stuck into them (and who wouldn't want to knock the cocky little f*ckers out cold?) you first run the risk of the legal system punishing you more harshly than the criminals, and then have to put up with a pestilence of their verminous clan vowing to avenge one of their scummy brethren - a 'loveable rogue' who really didn't deserve to have his bollocks cut off with a pair of garden loppers. The law should be clear: break into someone's property and not only will you deserve whatever the owner dishes out, but the rest of your in-bred f*ckwit family will be euthanised by the state. It's interesting that politicians can't find the money for a functional police force for the benefit of the general public, but the second someone shouts "Nazi" at them the investigative resources seem almost limitless...

Years ago one of my friends saw a group of masked pikeys breaking into his van one evening. He was so incensed he grabbed his samurai sword (only decorative unfortunately, but they weren't to know that) and burst out of his front door wearing nothing but his y-fronts, wildly waving the sword at them and screaming "I'LL CHOP YOUR F*CKING HEADS OFF!" Needless to say they legged it. I'd have given almost anything to have seen it.

Hmm - there's something in your comment that doesn't add up. It's Diane Abbott.

Many years ago one of my mates chopped a really expensive Persian cat in half with his Fireblade when it ran out in front of him in Macclesfield. He said he was pulling fur out of his chain for days afterwards.