Mawsley

Awww nuts. Virtually next door, good weather likely, free that weekend - and yet not allowed to ride and certainly not allowed to get pissed & fall into my tent. As I said, nuts.

There is something so wrong about soft toys and bikes - I find it unbearable.

Three sets of boobs gawped at today. I apologise to anyone offended by such base behaviour but as I approach a week in the ward I'm taking my kicks where I can get 'em. Wifey was in tonight. We've been married 20yrs and were going out for ten previous to that and I still reckon she's smokin. And I can't be with her. F******g f*** it.

Bloke in Bed 6 has no legs, no home, a drug addiction, is alcoholic and mental. He spends his nights jabbering nonsense and shouting out. Bloke in Bed 1 moans. No idea what's up with him but he never leaves it and looks shit. New bloke in Bed 2 is Polish. He's spent the night chatting and laughing on his mobile. He is SO annoying I have simply guessed as to why he has two broken legs. New bloke in Bed 5 has effectively annexed my space with his chair so that I can't move in my bay. He is watching movies or playing music or something. Bed 4 has just released a torrent of noxious effluent all over his bay. I so, SO want to go home. Fudge it.

My Mum and Dad drove up from Devon to visit me in hospital this lunchtime - it took them seven hours because of holdups...but they never saw any accidents. "Really?" I said, and innocently looked out of the window.

RADMAG are going to have to carry on without me as I'm still in hospital

Never saw the point to begin with - but now they're asking for ABS on all large bikes I like them even less.

Heated grips is the way to deal with cold hands. I wear summer gloves all year round with my grips on lowest setting in the winter and never get cold hands Min wage is less than £6per hour? Pitt could afford to have someone one the back with long arms to hold his hands and keep them warm.

If you're getting I to this through finance then don't do it on a 125. If/when you pass you'll want a bigger machine - use your credit on that. Hold off for a little bit on kit - sales will soon start all over the shop. You'll be able to get onepiece rainsuits for £20, gloves for a fiver and a jacket for thirty. Lidl currently have bike gear on the cheap. Boots - buy workboots on eBay, less than half the price of bike boots and do the same job. Lid, you should be able to get one for 30/40 quid online. Go into a shop first to get your size by trying them on. Spend up to a grand on a 125 and you'll sell it for the same money you paid or turn a profit. When you get your machine spend 10-20% of it's value on decent security - and use it - to bring your premiums down. My ten-penneth

I thought they only had them for a little while, you got a link? Sorry - was in Lidly and they were there tonight. Bummer if you aren't near Kettering or, like me, come in any of the pixie sizes on offer I guess.

Bike boots in Lidl for something stupidly cheap (as long as you are a size 7, 8 or 9 if in Kettering) And waterpoof one-pieces & bike covers.

Just saying there's no research to support their claims and a lot of science to question them all. It's a free world and people will make their own choices

Nitrogen offers no benefits over air (which is 80% N2) which I pump into my tyres for free. Thermal expansion difference is negligible as is the rate of gas escape. This was debated on the HDRCGB site last year and every scientist was in agreement. Do it if you feel like it but it is no better than using go-faster stripes or painting your bike in BRG.

http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_IMG_0694.jpg http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_IMG_0697.jpg http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_IMG_0698.jpg http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_IMG_0702.jpg http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_IMG_0689.jpg Letters are important. The bike I wanted most when I was 17/18 was the GS1000ET; what did I have? A 1980 XL125S. Letters, see? My life was incomplete because I had the wrong set of letters. Well, that and the fact that I couldn't communicate with everyone else at home without all of us screaming at each other so I now spent most of my time staring up from the floor at the Suzuki range poster in my mate's bedroom. He had owned a GSX250 to take his test on and then quickly progressed through a GS550E, a GS750E and onto the GSthou. All because his step-Dad was a banker and had set up a bloody trust fund for him, the lucky sod. The main reason I fought with my parents? Letters from my bank manager asking for his money back and for me to pay my HP on the Honda. More damn letters. Many years went by and, in 2003 we were living in Caracas and I was riding about on my beaten up and naked R900S (custom or road bike, it had to be stripped down for my liking, I simply can't be doing with all the plastic guff on race-reps). The civil insurrection made the 2011 UK riots look like a picnic; we were shipped off to France while everything cooled down. There, in the window of a bike dealer in the centre of Lisieux, was a GSX1400K2; the second iteration of a bike that built on everything which made young men go hard in 1981. When it was time to chop in the Harley FLHTCU (and never are letters as important as when talking about Hogs) it had to be one of these. But Suzuki in all their wisdom stopped making them - the line finished at the K7 model in this country, the FE designating it was a Final Edition (replete with a colour scheme and an aftermarket Yoshi Dual Oval). Now I reckon the XJRs are simply too feminine in appearance, too smooth and swoopy to be a proper machine. The Kwack ZRX is more my cup of tea if I had to have an alternative - but the Suzuki, in blue, is sex on a stick from where I look. The MCN Head2Head test gave the 14 the most weight but also the most power. They said the ZRX would be best for travelling but I struggle to see how. I've had many bikes and this one is as good as any of them go for long distance as the seat is SO comfortable, the bike is planted and the little fly-screen I added does the job of preserving your neck. My 2008 model had just 2950 on the clock and was the make-weight as I part-ex'd the Glide and I've put on another 2K since then. Where MCN reckoned the ZRX went around corners better I'd say that might have been the case on the OE rubber - but with my PR2s I can crank the lump down to the ground with utter confidence. The adjustable suspension means that it copes with my waif-like physique and also when the lard-arse wife hops on the back. It will even maintain a good line while she's belting me around the head for commenting upon her weight. I'm 5'9" and my feet are planted on the floor, it's a big bugger but Kate Moss-like in comparison to my Harley. Coming up the sizes you'll notice it. The wife refuses to ride it, it's size scares her: "It's too big for me" she says. At least, I think she's talking about the 14... They have a forum, the Org. Unfortunately there's a high % of dickwads on it - and I don't know if it is the forum or the bike. There are many people who'll be helpful about the bike itself but it is only a refuge for nutters, racists and keyboard warriors if you wanted a general chat. Mine didn't come with the FE Dual Oval, I have the Triple Oval. To be honest I don't have a clue about the difference but this sounds well rorty with the baffle in, I may try it out shortly. The light is well bright for night riding, the chain and sprockets are bearing up well, the finish is only just starting to go on the forks and engine fins - not bad for a 5yr old Suzuki I reckon. The chain can be tensioned on the sidestand - fortunate because the centre stand is in my garage along with the original pipe. Keeping the two of them off takes the weight to below that of the XJR. http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_IMG_0690.jpg http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_IMG_0688.jpg http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_IMG_0691.jpg http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_IMG_0703.jpg http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_IMG_0705.jpg http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x90/lemond_pix/th_52fbf38a.jpg Costs: Fuel - consumption is, let's not beat around the bush, shit if you are in anyway ham-fisted. Using extreme self-control you might manage to eek low 40s out of it. Insurance - £130 fully comp with three years NCs (I'm mid-40s). The OE tyres lasted up to 4900 before going bald at the rear. I lobbed on a set of PR2s which, with the MOT, came to £285. Rack - £20 on eBay but that was lucky, all GSX14 kit seems to go for a real bomb. Screen - £20 from a 14 owner of their forum. So do I like it? I didn't for a while, it just didn't grab me. The change of rubber has seen me ride it much more and enjoy each outing. Will I keep it? I want a Thunderbird 1300 and went through the process to get one...but failed. It feels like I wrote a Dear John letter and ended up still stuck in the relationship. It does Sunday speedy grins brilliantly, but that's not the most important thing to me. It looks great but I prefer customs. I carries stuff, but not enough. But I'm tied to it for another 24 months. http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zB4_VmjLB3c/TdLbFxP3BDI/AAAAAAAACGk/lNitenonHFU/s640/IMG_2678.JPG

Six days, seven migraines. Never had the like before and it has knocked the stuffing out of me. The pills have minimal effects and I've not done/eaten/drunk anything different to usual. I'm not stressed out apart from wanting to be in work doing a decent job - but I cant ride on meds or work when blind. Grr. F**k It.

I agree - the brakes are shocking. I ran the wife's in by taking it off to Holland for a week's solitary camping holiday and quickly discovered that if you need to decelerate in a hurry you might as well just jump off the thing and take your chances. The finish on her black '98 wasn't any better or worse than most Jap bikes for the period to be honest and still looked OK after a couple of winters. The thing I hated the most was the way the seat tiled forward and ended up crushing your nuts after 10 miles or more. On its standard tyres, I've no idea what they were, it would lean and then some on the twisties to Burnham on Crouch. Very entertaining. I'd have one in a snap for her again. It'd never last me as a sole bike in the shed but it's more than she ever needs. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_y625j9uagyk/S65PFLjuAaI/AAAAAAAABjs/ngzt9mcsCsM/s400/kwacker5.jpg http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_y625j9uagyk/S65PFkFlxQI/AAAAAAAABjw/3XLdreC7f64/s400/sooz.jpg http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_y625j9uagyk/S65PEJEHTTI/AAAAAAAABjo/n0ZBym31PJU/s400/sooz2.jpg

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_y625j9uagyk/S65PGx-ytoI/AAAAAAAABj8/HOS8NBkiUFQ/s400/cg125.jpg Swapped it for my old GPz305 (which I adored) so the wife could take her test (and stop headbutting me on my Tiger900). She passed, got an ER5 and it became my all-purpose garage bike. Want to go into Southend for some shopping? CG. Weekend away camping? CG. Commute to work in Burnham-O-C through snow drifts and nutters on the A127? CG. Tour Europe? C...oh hang on, that's idiotic. Not to say I wouldn't but the thing blew up. It'd had a very tough life and would have survived a strip down but we ran off to South America and I gave it to a mate. Would I have one again? Hell yeh! It's more frugal than a stereotyped Northern person and it'll carry luggage galore if you learn to bungy properly. In winter you can ride it with feet down - and feet like mine means it has skis either side for stability. And when the inevitable slide comes there's nothing to break and no weight to cause a problem. Loved it. Rode it. Broke it. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_y625j9uagyk/S65PBWjbeXI/AAAAAAAABjI/4o5bl0gHIaQ/s400/crash.jpg

Nice review, cheers, enjoyed reading it. I'd argue the £:Yen thing, Yamaha made a conscious marketing decision to go up market through price and although the sterling rate does impact it is nothing compared to what they loaded onto the price of machines. Consequently, as much as I like the look of this bike, it is a good five grand over-priced and for that reason, fellow Dragons, I'm out.

Nice review, cheers, enjoyed reading it. I'd argue the £:Yen thing, Yamaha made a conscious marketing decision to go up market through price and although the sterling rate does impact it is nothing compared to what they loaded onto the price of machines. Consequently, as much as I like the look of this bike, it is a good five grand over-priced and for that reason, fellow Dragons, I'm out.

Had one of these as a loan bike a number of times and found it a bit gutless and uninspiring. Love the price of them though and it'd make a cracking winter hack - for many, many years. Nice write up, cheers

This is a Tonka toy: http://www.ilovethe80s.com/tonka.jpg It is indestructible and bloody brilliant fun if you are little. This is Stretch Armstrong: http://blogs.spokenword.ac.uk/carlinwallace/files/2011/01/2010-02-06-stretch_armstrong.jpg He too is indestructible and bloody brilliant fun if you are little. But what do you do when you grow up? How do you recreate the days filled with dangerous fun and larks? How do you push boundaries and tickle your very soul? You have a simple choice: cocaine sex with hookers like George Osbourne (our incredibly intelligent and highly competent Chancellor) or you get yourself a Triumph 900. Mine was so butch, so rugged, so tough that I had to ensure a cute pussy draped itself over the bike whenever I parked up. *Warning* they say *not for off-road use* I plucked it from 3x in Dorset in exchange for my Cali EV. I'd not sat on one or done anything other than prod the hazard lights button. I liked the idea of a bike with hazard lights - I could see myself at the scenes of accidents and disasters: Tiger on sidestand, hazards flashing away and me doing stuff in a rugged and statuesque fashion. I filled in the paperwork, the trail of oil marked where the EV had been led away and they brought out the step-ladders. My giddy aunt this bike is tall. Imagine, if you will for a minute, K2 (the mountain, not the dog from Dr Who - that was K9)...well, if you park a Tiger900 next to K2 and hike for a week and a half to the summit it is possible to hop from the peak straight onto the Tiger's seat. From that lofty perch you are master of all you survey. At traffic lights you can lean into the cabs of trucks or peer down through an open car sun roof. Unless, like me, you are fat. The long suspension crunches up and suddenly you are riding a squat little number which holds the road way better than it should although the wheels still lead you to wonder what is happening on the road. Changing the style of riding is imperative - this is no BMW GS1100, there were no rave revues about how this beast conquered roads. But it did pop straight over massive curbstones as if they were pebbles. It would have soaked up pot holes on green lanes too had I been mad enough to take it up one, what with it being as challenged in the weight department as I was. The dual-cross tyres would have been up for it too but I wasn't. I bought a wing-rack fitting kit, popped my Givi boxes on and headed for the continent. This bike marked the final days of the wife coming on the back of me. Travelling to Belgium for a long weekend we discovered that the screen created a region of low pressure behind me. This would, if she sat in the right (wrong) position suck her helmet into mine, then drag it back, then repeat. It was like being married to Woody f-word Woodpecker. Our marriage survived due to me paying for her training, test and ER5 in full. There are those who suspect that the airflow and pressure pockets created by the screen might have been slightly exaggerated! Apart from that, it was comfy for runs from Southend to Clermond Ferrand in one hit - and returned a magnificent consumption figure - often into the 60mpgs. The engine had a slight triple whine - some like it, I don't. It reminded me of a load of nuts and washers being swirled around a metal dish. The exhaust was muted but I was never springing for an aftermarket. Chain tensioning was a breeze with the concentric winders and was possible on the side stand. Chain and sprocket replacement a doddle. The engine was as tough as old boots for the 26K that I rode it for before buggering off to South America, and then served the mate I sold it to for years on end. If I'd never left the country I'd never have sold this bike. Would I have another - hmm, that is a tough question and best answered in this fashion: This is a girly doll: http://www.bestkidsparty.co.uk/images/products/ragdoll-daisy-RZ28.jpg It is not tough and it is not a lot of fun. It is pretty similar to every Tiger produced after the original 900. I think it and they are crap. The old 900 is too old for me now, the ones still running have huge mileages on them and I'm not in the market to fettle one...but the new 800XC? That is the nearest Triumph have come to getting back to what this 900 was all about - only better. I rode one the other week and was smitten, I want an 800XC!

... me too! And why the hell do you want ANOTHER one?!?!?!? Mad! Because it's not like any other bike, it has a soul. The engine lives and gives you a sense of entity. Other bikes are just transport, a Guzzi a road partner. If I hadn't had to rely on it as my only bike I'd still have it, the issues would have been sorted and we'd be in love. After writing all that I spent the night browsing MCN.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_y625j9uagyk/Sk-0-E48joI/AAAAAAAAA4E/pqa0V7LIcxs/s400/shellisland.jpg Where was I? Oh yes, I was saying "I was left with a feeling that Guzzi were clueless, had no idea of quality control or customer service and that only a total bloody fool would ever consider owning one of these things..." Yeh. Only a total bloody fool. Ten years changes many things: we went to live abroad, we had kids, the world revolved. Two towers were blown up, we fought terror in ever corner of the world and we returned home to find that nothing need ever be your fault anymore thanks to AmbulanceChasers4U.net. "Time is a healer" they say, "time helps you to forget". This is probably the very same "they" who bragged about all the damn changes on the Cali EV because they got me again. "I need a bike, the wife", I proclaimed. I'd allowed her to buy a house just near the peak of the housing market, we'd settled with roots and everything. "And if you are having this house I need to throw money at something equally pointless which will lose value faster than jewellery from Argos". "What type of motorbike do you want then, honey-dearest?" she inquired, while multitasking. "I shall get A GUZZI." For a second the world stopped, looked at me, raised its' collective eyebrows and then carried on. It was interest-free, which meant it had that word "free" in the advert - that was the first thing which made me want one. Then there was the throughback to the original Cali with the paintwork. Then there was my total lack of brains. I reckoned that through the various buy-outs, takeovers, changing management structures and all-round messing about that Guzzi had been through they'd have learnt their lesson. Surely, if I'd could go out for a meal with my (now) wife and train myself not to notice other womens' tits or wipe my face on the tablecloth then this company would have corrected everything wrong with their product? The wife failed to grasp the train of logic. I informed her that it was because I was a man and as such knew best and so she'd just have to go along with it. Nursing my still bruised body, we drove to somewhere Yorkshirey where they talk funny and I collected it to ride home. I remember touching it more than an inquisitive teenage boy and his bits after puberty. I stopped at every service station just so others could look at it too. I do not recommend the later to inquisitive teenage boys ever since an incident involving Leicester Forest East and a WI party from Luton in 1981. Let's be honest - Guzzi have changed. The build quality can resist not just English summers but winters too - this one survived intact, in pristine condition, with the odd dab of ACF50. The sound is still rorty, the engine still feels alive but the odd bits and pieces are class too. And the seat. It's armchair comfort for hundreds of miles at a time - a realistic target considering the size of the fuel tank and the frugality with which it sips petrol, like a vicar at a tea party. So what went wrong? It was my only bike, that's what. Three times it simply cut out - once while doing 80mph in the fast lane of the M40, which left me with a very tight arse. The kind which would interest vicars at tea parties no doubt. And the seals on the shaft went, covering the rear wheel in oil every ride - which got more hairy by the day leaving me less inclined to ride it. [insert third and final smutty vicar reference here] How about goldfish? When I was a kid you could win goldfish at every fete or fair that came to town. Nowadays it's all banned because it's "cruel" or something. Seeing as fish have minds like your average Guzzi buyer I wouldn't have thought they'd be able to remember the cruelty anyhoo. What was I saying? Aha! Fish. The Vintage was designed to accommodate the wishes of fish lovers everywhere. Go out for a little ride in the rain - thirty seconds later and you have 60 litres of water slooshing about in the panniers. The box problem I can live with. Having the bike in the workshop being repaired or waiting for parts for four of the twelve months of ownership twisted my nipples. Even now I reckon the EV is sex on a stick. It looks like the bike I want forever. It's like Alison Jones who took my innocence then ran off with my mate...although I'd never tell that to my wife. It was during a four week wait without loan bike that I gave up. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_y625j9uagyk/S65PHGJjZ4I/AAAAAAAABkA/ax9JaH4n8lw/s400/IMG_0198.jpg ...but would I have another one? Almost absolutely. Guzzi is like crack cocaine to me - it makes no sense, it messes up my life but I struggle to see an existence without it. Once my finances are settled down I'm getting me a second-hand Vintage. A white one.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_y625j9uagyk/S65PFxRHNMI/AAAAAAAABj0/QrtWId-3tTo/s400/guz2.jpg Some things you love because they embody everything that is good in this world; they make you feel whole, they make you feel warm and fuzzy. But some things are like an abusive relationship where it doesn't seem to matter how many times a staple-gun is taken to your privates you have to keep going back. In life it is rare that a single person can be held to blame for everything that went wrong. In this case, not only can he but I know his name: Matthew Clancy. In a roundabout way he ably destroyed my XJ900F. Motorcycle City Croydon then offered to take my XJ (sight-unseen) for far more than I would have got from selling it. All that was left was to decide on the make and model I'd get - it would be the first ever new thing I'd ever had. I'd loved Guzzis since being overtaken by one every morning on the way to school. The Cali was receiving rave reviews in the press. "Goes and handles like a road bike, comfort and style of a custom", they said. "Over 50 upgrades from the previous model including improved finish, suspension and electrics", they said. Piffle. There may have been changes but they didn't drag the Italian into the 20th Century. I didn't care. Summer arrived and with it came a shiny red EV on the back of a flatbed. Forms signed, shitheap XJ loaded up and off they went - leaving me beaming from ear to ear, happier than something which oinks in a pool of wet and smelly stuff. This delightful situation changed quicker than a superhero in a phone box. Firstly, it was impossible to order the screen, panniers or anything else for the bike. Guzzi didn't believe it was important to send anything other than Friday bikes to the UK. Motorcycle City knew nothing of Guzzis which lent little in the way of confidence as I started arguing over the ever-growing catalogue of things which fell off, stopped working or corroded before summer could set. Three Cross were the importers and met each phone call with the weary sigh of people who've heard it all a million times before. That morning. I had blazing rows in Motorcycle City Tottenham and Croydon, heated phone calls to Italy and solicitors letters before, finally, 3X agreed to swap my EV for anything of similar value in their showroom. I took a Tiger900. I'd covered 6,000ish miles during a three month summer period in 1998. I had a tyre rubbing on the shaft housing, no oil in the shaft, most bolts no torqued or threadlocked. If something had originally had chrome it wasn't there now. Two sets of floorboards as they had corroded that quickly. And the seat. It could induce pain from simply looking at it. Anything over 50 miles reduced the rider to tears. I was left with a feeling that Guzzi were clueless, had no idea of quality control or customer service and that only a total bloody fool would ever consider owning one of these things. "It's not Guzzi's fault officer, it loves me it does an I loves it an I'll never press charges. Not never." "...but you could go nightstick the Clancy boy if you fancy?!"