puggybear
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Everything posted by puggybear
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I just invented 'STAR WARS' coffee! I call it 'R2Dcaff'!
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And while I'm here-has anyone else noticed that fat birds defy the laws of physics? Anyone? It's true - the more they weigh,the easier they are to pick up!!! [not that I have personal knowledge,of course...I hereby refer you to joke #557] Right-I'm off to peel the cat. Goodnight.
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.....and another thing - namely,sponges. HOW can something so full of holes,hold so much water?!?
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Yes Dear informed me it's about time we had the pitter-patter of tiny feet around Chez Puggybear. Ohhhhhhh,boy. So-I got her a puppy. Weeell-it's MUCH cheaper - and you get more feet! [what,exactly,is a 'divorce settlement',anyone?]
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My neighbour insisted it's impossible to drive spaghetti. WRONG! [you should've seen her face as I drove pasta...]
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I don't cheat on my 'significent other' [aka 'Ratbag'] and never would. There is NO WAY I'm carting my iphone,ipad and macbook into the shower every time!
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I had a dump on my neighbour's roof,yesterday. It caused a bit of a row between us. So today,I wiped the slate clean...
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Later,we went to the world's quietest bowling alley. When they said 'silent',they really meant it. ....you could hear a pin drop...
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I agreed to help out at a meeting of Kleptomaniacs Anonymous,last night. ...I had to stand,as all the seats had been taken.....
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Well,it's finally happened...my g/f & I have parted. I just could NOT put up any longer with her constant counting. Every waking moment of every day,that girl was counting. I know it's a form of ocd,but,ALWAYS she was counting. .....I wonder what she's up to now.....
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Simple,Grumps...you'll remember that the buxom,cuddly wench you've spent the night hugging & kissing is called 'a pillow'...
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"Luke-update the force..." [Adobe wan Kenobi]
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It's not so much that I'm childish,it's more a case of I'm not grown up-ish.
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When sh#t happens,I just think "Ok Pug [coz I'm informal when I talk to myself] when it's your turn to be re-incarnated-COME BACK AS GOD!!
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WHADDA WE WANT? RACING CAR NOISES! WHEN DO WE WANT'EM? NEEEEOOOWWWWWWW!
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I had to ring the police last night. "Police-please state your emergency" Hello? There's two women here and they're fighting over who get to take me home". "Ok sir-but why's that an emergency?" "The minger's winning!"
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Y'know,I used to sit staring at arcade machines,wondering how they work.....then the penny dropped....
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I went into my dentist's office and said "Please help me-I keep thinking I'm a moth!" He smiled gently and said "Pug,you need a therapist,not a dentist". I replied "I know-but your light was on!"
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So,it's official. Poundstretchers and M & S are to join forces in the High St. ...apparently,their new joint venture is to be named 'StretchMarks'...
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Y'know,I always feel a bit guilty about crushing my granny's tablets into her bed-time hot chocolate. ...but it has to be done-I'd never forgive myself if I got her pregnant...
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I was in bed with a blind lass last night [lucky moi,eh?] She murmured "ooh,Puggy-your cock is HUGE!" ...I smiled [like y'would] and said "Aww,you're just pulling my leg"...
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...and I didn't do myself any favours when she suddenly appeared wearing just a cape and mask and yelled "Hey-Superpussy!" ...coz,like a prat,[i was watching MOTD,so not thinking] I said "I'll just have the soup,please"...
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Tut..I'm in trouble with 'er indoors again. Apparently,when she said "Take me somewhere different",she didn't mean up the chuff! oops....
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My optician has just today told me the problems I'm having are because I'm colour-blind. ...well THAT was a bolt from the pink!
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Aww,Mr Rant,so kind,old chap-so,especially for you... my missus says my dick reminds her of Marmite. ...she hates me spreading it on her toast!....
