XmisterIS

I was going to post this in NOTD, but on reflection, I just thought, "Ah! Bless!" Coming up behind a so-called "sports" car in the outside lane at a red traffic light on a dual carriageway out of Bournemouth at the weekend, where it goes from 40mph to nat speed limit. (Mazda something-or-other, not that I care). I go to filter round him, he clocks me in his mirror, deliberately closes the gap and sits there eyeballing me. Cue the lights turning green and he *floors* it. I really do mean ***floors*** it. Engine screaming, redlining in every gear before changing up, etc. Cue me on my lil' ol' SV650, nothin' special, so I just sit a casual distance behind him, ensuring that my headlight is in his mirror. Occasionally, I wave to him to let him know, "Yup, I'm still here and nope, your stupid car isn't as fast as you think". Eventually he pulls over to the left lane and allows me to overtake. Cue him catching me up at the next set of lights. I wave and give him the thumbs up and a nod. He won't even look at me. It was a shame, because I wanted to tell him that if he really wants to out-accelerate a motorcycle, then he needs to get himself a real performance car, not a hairdresser's car!

NOTD Goes to the idiot pedestrian in Bournemouth town centre yesterday who looked directly at me, waited until I was about 15ft away, then stepped into the road, while still looking directly at me, then shouted abuse when I had to swerve to avoid him. WTF????

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Do you mean the relay switch or the horn button switch? I assume you mean the latter, 20A auto relays are sealed.

No, I'm not talking about episodes of impotence ... Some while ago, I beefed up my horn by running a positive wire from the battery to a LOUD horn (nautilus type) via a 20A fuse and 20A relay, then switch the relay via the old horn circuit. This was working fine for about a year, then the fuse went pop (I don't know why - it just did). So I replaced the fuse and again it worked fine. Then the horn started to give out so I replaced it. It continued to work fine for another year, recently went through MOT OK. Then, suddenly a few days ago, I went for the horn button because some stupid twunt cager had jumped a red light ... and the horn didn't work! I pulled over, pressed the horn button a few times - and it worked perfectly. I got home, tried it again, and again it worked perfectly. I have been a little worried about it since then and today, I again needed to use the horn in anger, and again it did not work!!!! I tried it a few times on the way home and it wasn't working at all. "Aha!", I thought. "Now it's not working at all, I can track down the problem and fix it". So, I got home, got out the DVM, all the tools, etc, went to try the horn and ... guess what? The f**king thing worked f**king perfectly! So I swapped the horn over for one I know works, tested it, it worked. I took it out for another spin, and guess what? The god damn horn DIDN'T bloody work! I stopped at the side of the road and, nope, not working. So I took it back home again, got ready to diagnose the fault with all my kit at hand and, guess what? The absolute f**king vicious bast*rd f**king horn worked god damn perfectly!!!! I think it must have a mind of it's own - when I really need it - it doesn't bloody work. When I go to test it - the fault just vanishes into thin air. Sorry for the excessive swearing, but this has pissed me right off! It's the whole "intermittent" thing - it is driving me NUTS!!! I have tried it with the engine off, engine running, engine hot, engine cold, engine running and rear wheel going round quickly/slowly, indicators on/off, etc, and I just CANNOT reproduce the fault when I have all my testing kit to hand. I am loathed to take it to my LBS because all they'll say is, "well, we played around with it for an hour and couldn't find anything wrong with it". I will then take it away and, quite promptly, the damn fault will be back. I just know it. The only thing I can think of doing is ripping out the entire circuit and starting again. Any other ideas?

That's the one I was looking at. Some of the fixing bolts on the SV go down to 23Nm, but I would be happy to tighten them to 30Nm - they won't shear for the want of 7Nm!

Yes, always. Yes, it's a "Draper". I'll check out machine mart, thanks!

Which one do you have? I just looked on Amazon and the only one they list is for £147 and it is a Drapper! (Given my recent experience with Drapper, they can stick their digital torque wrench up their arse, especially at that price!)

I have two torque wrenches, a small one for 10Nm up, and a big one for 28Nm up. Now here's the amusing thing: The big one is cheap as chips and works like a good'un every time. The small one is a Drapper (decent quality, expensive) - and the f**king thing has stopped clicking. I just set the Drapper to 23Nm for the front axle clamp bolt, started tightening the bolt ... and tightening the bolt ... and tightening the bolt ... and ... hang on, this feels like waaaay more than 23Nm! Tested it with the big one, and it is definitely way more than 23Nm. f**king torque wrench, it's not that old either. Anyone use an electronic torque gauge? That seems like a better option to me - easier to see if it is knackered.

Last time I was looking I saw a lovely house. Got there and then found out the photos were 3 years old and they'd had it rented for the last three years. A 90 minute drive to see that shithole. I swear they're on pills. Got one round the corner, 1 bed less but immaculate inside and out, and 25k cheaper. How they get commission is beyond me sometimes. When we were looking for houses in Southampton, they said, "Where are you looking?" We said "Basset and Freemantle. Definitely not Lordshill because it is a shithole". They said, "Why?" We said, "Because they're nice areas". They said, "We have just the very house for you!" We said, "Where is it?" They said, "Lordshill". (facepalm ...)

Three times a charm ... (not) Yesterday it was warm and sunny down here in Aaaaamshur so I had a ride out from Southampton to Boscombe to see some friends. Every single Reginal Flatcap Sunday Driver in existence was on the road! 1) Old dipshit waiting to emerge from a minor road on my right, while indicating left. "Fine", you would normally think. "He's going left, not my problem". But my f**kwit Instinct told me otherwise. He looked to his right, DIRECTLY AT a f**king huge van that was coming towards him on the other side of the road, then he looked to his left, DIRECTLY AT me coming the other way, then, despite the fact that he was indicating left, he pulled out and turned right, directly into my path. Luckily, my f**kwit Instinct had helped me to anticipate the possibility of this completely insane manouevre, so I was able to brake in time and hold my thumb on the horn. The van driver almost (and I really do mean almost) T-boned the idiot (cue squealing of van brakes and skidding of tyres). The van driver wound down the window and shouted some choice obscenities at the old bast*rd and I chip in for good measure! Result? The old git just continues to potter round into the turn, with a vague expression on his face, like nothing just happened. He then proceeded to drive down the main road through boscome at 20mph, with a rapidly-increasing tailback behind. I overtook him and dropped a f**k-off big rev-bomb right by his open driver's window and it didn't even register with him. 2) Another old git who decided to drive ONTO the pedestrian crossing, when the lights were red, while pedestrians were crossing! Cue a tirade of verbal abuse from said pedestrians. Old git just sat there, not quite sure what was going on. 3) M27 accident + 3 out of the 4 lanes closed + lots of people heading back in the evening from a day out West = huge, stationary traffic jam for miles and miles and miles. Cue a number of frustrated w**kers with an attitude of "If I'm stuck in traffic, I don't see why you should filter past". Cue deliberate blocking manouevres. Nobs!!

I do the same when theres space. But often the same idiots doing 40mph are also in the right hand lane of the slip road... We get this a LOT round here ... probably everywhere actually. I think I'm right in saying that if they're crawling along in the right hand lane and there's a completely empty inside lane, then undertaking is perfectly legal and valid. At any rate, I tend to go way left and get past them quickly on the left with plenty of space to spare.

Congrats mate! What bike did you do your DAS on and what bike will you get? I tell you, the first time you get on your own big bike, no L-plates, no instructor and go for a blast, it feels amazing!!

NOTD goes to the group of cruisers who sat in the right hand lane of the A27 (dual carriageway, two lanes, national speed limit) yesterday, just keeping pace with a line of three of HGVs in the left lane (60mph). They were all two up, leather jackets with tassels, the bloody works. Just crusin' ... like they do. Never mind the sodding great tailback behind them. I was tempted to gun it down the inside lane, then blast through the middle of them with three digits on the speedo, just to prove a point, but that would have made me the bigger nob. So I just sat there and got irate with them in a very British way while they just sat there, and sat there, and sat there, etc.

I just eat baked beans and make my own, beautiful music.

Lol! Of course. I never panic on the bike, just started it up again, waved a "sorry" and went.

NOTD was ... Me!!!! Filtered to the front of a queue of traffic, lights changed, stalled.

To the f**kwit in the "Executive" All-black BMW 5-series who tried to barge past me on my bicycle, then started revving and beeping at me when I held up my hand to say "keep back, just one second, just until we get round this corner", then shouted "get a f**king job you scum" at me as he aggressively overtook me with an inch to spare ... I have this to say to you, if I ever see you again ... Just because sometimes I ride a bicycle and I don't wear a suit to work means I'm a dole-scrounging chav scumbag who doesn't have a job? What the f**k? Where do you get your f**king logic from? Piss off! You may well wear a suit to work and you may well drive an expensive car, but you are actually no better than the metaphorical turd in the swimming pool of life. Oh, and if I ever see you in traffic, on a nice hot day, I might just come up beside you on my SV and get my slip-on nice and close to your open window, and rattle your teeth. And gas you at the same time.

Stupid f**king dipshit ar*ehole cretin twatface Jabba-The-Hutt-lookalike retard of a fat old woman who began to pull out from a parking space onto the main road, directly in front of me. I braked, hard, held my thumb on the horn about 3 feet from her open driver's window and she carried on pulling out regardless. Then she just sat there like a dopey sack of shit, completely oblivious to what she had just done (or just plain didn't care).

Start with the easy things and move onto the harder things. Adjusting your chain and changing your oil are probably the two easiest things to do on the bike. Just make sure you get a decent socket-set with a good range of hex keys and a pair of torque wrenches (one large, one small) before you start, take it slow and logical, make sure you read, double-read and triple-read instructions before you start tinkering. If you can get a Haynes manual for your bike, then get it. As a rule of thumb: Having the right tools, thinking clearly about the job and taking your time = proper job well done. Having the wrong/inadequate tools and rushing into the job = a complete cock-up, always.

I had a similar problem to yours recently, so I changed the clutch cable ... WHAT a difference! Adjust your clutch cable using the adjuster on the handlebar. If that doesn't fix it, then slacken the adjuster nut at the bottom end, release the cable at both ends, and push it back and forth. If you feel a lot of resistance, then the cable is knackered and needs replacing. I don't know how it works on other bikes, but on the SV, you have to replace the whole thing, sleeve included. It is not difficult if you take it methodically and do one thing at a time. It took me 45 mins to change the cable on first attempt. I'm sure a mechanic would do it faster, but I wanted to be sure I'd get it right.

Give him a bell and thank him for pointing out a problem on your car, then politely demand your MOT certificate!

Thanks both. I think the chain now has about 12 miles on it, time for a new one? I do tend to ride "robustly" ...

I fitted my chain myself about 2 years ago and only had to tighten it once since. It's a decent quality X-ring chain and I changed the sprockets at the same time. I've just given the bike a thorough clean I an notice that one of the links is a little stiff. Three questions: 1) What causes this? 2) What's the best way to fix it? 3) Most importantly, how can I best prevent it from happening in the future? I'm thinking Scottoiler (or equivalent) to make sure the chain is always well lubed.

Just done it myself, I have an SV too, it's in section 1.17 of the Haynes manual. I really recommend you get yourself a Haynes manual because it's the first place I turn to when I want to know how to do something! It's not great for diagnosing the problem, but when you know what the problem is, it's it very thorough (mostly!) P.S. Just make sure you get the right Haynes for your bike! I have a pointy, you have a curvy.