I live here

[Tiggie]

Has anyone seen this website? its hilarious

www.ilivehere.co.uk

Heres an example of whats to offer:

Hull

Never been there before today, didn’t believe all the adverse comments but **** me WHAT A SH*THOLE. **** empty shops with useless staff, food takeaways serving cold **** and none of the tech works to order and pay for your Big Mac (no names, no packdrill); empty arcades; dirty water. And then there are the residents. I won’t say people as obviously there have been many years of genetic mutation caused by trawler men breeding with cod and haddock, but the results are all over the sh*tty city – five generations of pop eyed. big gobbed, fat bellied f*ckwits with fins and tails and VERY low intelligence.

Unlike many **** towns where the problem rests with feckless youth, there are as many septuagenarian druggy wasters and alkies as gormless yobs. You can even find yourself poked in the ribs by some dirty old bag with a walking aid trying to pinch your table in a coffee shop – trust me, it was the nearest that her crutch had been to a male for a long time…human male anyway…..

I managed to stay for two and a half hours. By the end I had to get away or I might have been mistaken for a rabies sufferer, frothing at the mouth with unmitigated hatred for this bloody awful hell-hull.

While it might be argued that the only way forward is to destroy this horror-set, all the ways and means have associated problems. For example, some might advocate using tunnelling equipment to undermine the foundations, sink the city and thus drown all of them, but they do have piscatorial genes and may just swim away, landing somewhere else and f*cking that up too.

Equally, inviting Putin to carry out a full scale novachuk trial in Hull is appealing but it may not be totally effective on such simple, limited beings of the kind that live, smoke, drink and breed there. The nuclear option has its fans but controlling the fallout is difficult – don’t want to destroy nice places like Beverley. Hence dear reader I am inviting you to come up with your own imaginative ways of dealing with the Hull problem. The best ideas will win a prize – a day in Hull to put your masterplan into place! See if you can stand it for more than two and a half hours!

Good Luck!

[Stu]

Good job I don't actually live in Hull

[Stu]

This is where I grew up and is not far from the truth really

With more than a passing resemblance to some nightmarish Aphex Twin video, Bransholme was contructed back in the dark days of the cold war as an example of what the world may look like after a nuclear holocaust. Officially the largest council estate in the world (yeh take that Cabrini Green!), this far flung outpost of utter misery and despair is populated almost entirely by slack jawed drug-addled cavemen, their battered companions and numerous evil offspring. To venture into this terrifying void is like decending into the underworld. I have been shot at with air rifles and had bricks thrown at me several times while enduring a mad max like bus journey through this boarded up, semi derelict sprawl.

Take a car through here (doors locked) and pere wide-eyed at the calamity outside. 4 year olds shove lighted fireworks through some unfortunate OAP’s letterbox while 12 year old baseball capped ar*eholes tear up and down the rubble strewn streets in stolen Corsas. Meanwhile 13 year old Chardonnay takes her twins Rooney and Brooklyn to see the social worker at the local heavily fortified ‘outreach centre’. Down at the local shopping arcade, security guards fight running battles with schoolage smackheads as tatooed neandathals in England shirts heap crateloads of cheap lager and economy burgers into trolleys which they’ll later throw into next-doors garden. Rumour has it, John Carpenter was inspired to write ‘Escape from New York’ after mistakenly straying into Bransholme and being beaten up by a girl **** gang wielding iron bars.

[Tiggie]

Closest ones to me are Bradford or Keighley so I'll leave it to your imagination

[Stu]

Closest ones to me are Bradford or Keighley so I'll leave it to your imagination

 

Bingley is there you just have to look for it

Although I suspect braford (yes intentional missing D as thats how they say it) would be more accurate to where you live or even Keighley

[Tiggie]

When on holiday and I get chatting to someone and the inevitable question of where you from comes up I always say either Ilkley or Skipton

[Guest Swagman]

You just moved then Stu.

[Stu]

You just moved then Stu.

 

3 years ago

Just never updated my profile

[RantMachine]

Peterborough: oh for a nuclear bomb (or a really big bulldozer)

Peterborough – you shouldn’t be that close to your cousin

I love this website

[Guest Swagman]

You just moved then Stu.

 

3 years ago

Just never updated my profile

 

I should put it back to Hull it’s more fun for people.

[Snod Blatter]

I actually came across this site a few times while house hunting, most memorably I was looking at a place in Ilkeston that was a stone's throw away from a council estate called Cotmanhay. I'd had a ride round a feared for my life (alright, bike) but the ilivehere page seemed to be spot on. Funnily enough it's also top hit if you search cotmanhay ilkeston

Needless to say I didn't buy it. Nice garage though!

[Guest Richzx6r]

The one for Sunderland.....pennywell is bang on!!