urbanmark Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 There was a black man and a jew at the bus stop. The black man says, do you know what time the bus is due? and the jew says f**k YOU NAZI SCUM!!!Haaaaaaa. Classic. Quote
Susieque Posted May 23, 2011 Author Posted May 23, 2011 I was at a cash point yesterday when an old lady asked me to check her balance.....so I pushed her over!! Quote
Colin the Bear Posted May 23, 2011 Posted May 23, 2011 I came down this morning to find the house had been burgled. Everything had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas Quote
Guest Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 A farmer gets a phone call from his son.I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive...shoot it says the farmer, and then bury it....about 20mins later he gets another call..."done that, but what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike ! Quote
Guest Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Psychic Daughter A father put his three Year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma And good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it Just seemed like the thing to do."The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy And good-bye Grandma."The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy And good-bye Daddy."He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack! Of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound..Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch!! Quote
Guest Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a little go! Quote
Guest Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a smallWhite patch, so I've named him Birmingham. Quote
Guest Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawnCocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!' Quote
Guest Posted May 24, 2011 Posted May 24, 2011 Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condomMachine. They asked him what happened and he said, 'the sign says, insert£2 and push knob in'. Quote
Fozzie Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a smallWhite patch, so I've named him Birmingham. Love it...How does a male elephant camoflage itself?It paints its bollocks red and hides in a apple treeHow did Tarzan die?Went apple picking Quote
Colin the Bear Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly white with a smallracist patch, so I've named him TMBF.http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z28/Colin_the_bear/sEm_oops2.gif Quote
Fozzie Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 (edited) Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly white with a smallracist patch, so I've named him TMBF.http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z28/Colin_the_bear/sEm_oops2.gif Deary me... If you saw that as racist then it says more about the reader than the joker considering the context it was written in is not negative leaving the reader to apply their own context in which they read it in. My classmate Zahid of indian background who lived there laughed his head off at it There was no mocking of any race at any point so couldnt be classed as racist as it defeats the definition of the word so leave the OTT PC madness at home please Edited May 26, 2011 by Fozzie Quote
GarethNW Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buymarijuana, press the hash key..." Quote
Boothy Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 What do you call a deer with no eyes....No eyedeer. Quote
Robadopolus Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I was once engaged to a girl with a wooden leg...... Had to break it off Quote
Guest philgale Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 whats the best thing about sleeping with 27 year olds....theres 20 of them Quote
sparkeh9 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 whats the best thing about sleeping with 27 year olds....theres 20 of them Bit much that one lol Quote
Grumpy Old Git Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Two teddies in an airing cupboard - Which one is the soldier?The one on the Tank! Quote
Decor58 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) Removed & create a second thread for sick jokes Edited June 2, 2011 by Decor58 Quote
mojobanana Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 The title of the thread being 'worst' not 'sickest'.... Quote
Colin the Bear Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Oh! baby jokes.....mmm....best not.What's yellow and smells of bananas?Gorilla sh!t or was it monkey sick Quote
Takanta Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Two fish in a tank, one turns round to the other and says "how do u drive this thing?"10 cows in a field, guess which ones on holiday? the one with the wee calf.two cows in a field, one turns to the other and says "have you heard about this mad cow disease?" other cow says "no , im a tractor" Quote
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