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Adultery, divorce and other jolly matters


MarkW
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Just thought I would seek the wisdom of the forum members on a little family law matter.


We had a call from my wife’s eldest brother last week to say that all was not well between him and his wife. In all honesty I can’t say that I have ever liked her much: she is classic Jeremy Kyle fodder - a complete fantasist, a consummate liar, and until recent surgical intervention also super-morbidly obese. She has never done a days work in her life, and is as common as she is idle. At a family wedding some years back she regaled the assembled guests with the precise details of how one of her children was conceived. Suffice to say that if you parked your car in Stoke town centre one evening in around 2005 and are still puzzling over the hippo’s-arse-sized dent you came back to find in the bonnet, I can enlighten you.


She converted from Christianity to Mormonism a few years ago, partly to give her more to tell us all about herself, but mainly so she could sponge off their charity. Not being a religious man myself I’m no expert on these things, but it seems to me that the churches she joined operated more like swingers clubs than places of worship, as several of the congregation appear to have enthusiastically availed themselves of all she had to offer. It also transpires that since March last year she has been carrying on with a man whose kids go to the same school as hers, frequently taking them round to play at his house whilst the two of them nipped upstairs to play hide the sausage.


So, this whole sordid tale was laid bare last week, when she came back from another session at this bloke’s house to demand a divorce on the basis of ‘irreconcilable differences’. She has since moved in with him, taking the kids with her.


Now, my wife’s brother is a lovely bloke, but if brains were dynamite he’d struggle to blow the wax out of his ears. His wife on the other hand is a sneaky, manipulative parasite who will certainly be out to screw every penny out of him that she can. I’m no expert on any aspect of the law, and least of all this sort of thing, but I wasn’t aware that ‘irreconcilable differences’ was grounds for divorce in this country, or that the adulterous party could instigate proceedings. My understanding was that unless she can demonstrate unreasonable behaviour on his part (which is unlikely given the fact that he’s worked himself half to death to keep the lazy bitch) it would be him that had to file for divorce on the basis of adultery, desertion, unreasonable behaviour or some combination of the three.


Our advice has already been that he gets himself some professional legal guidance ASAP, but he’s so dopey that I can see him just letting things rumble on unless we can give him a proper kick up the backside. I could do with being able to point out to him the possible consequences of not taking things in hand quickly – in terms of maintenance, or any rights she may have to his current or future earnings etc – in order that he doesn’t let this just rumble on. If anyone has any advice or other info to share it would be much appreciated!


Thanks folks.

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If I'm remembering properly, there are only two grounds for immediate divorce in the UK; unreasonable behaviour or adultery. Unreasonable behaviour is supposed to be stuff like "my partner is violent or abusive" or "partner has a severe drug habit", etc. If both parties are amicable then you can generally use this route with lesser stuff, more akin to Irreconcilable Differences in the States, but as your partner has the right to fight their case in court you kinda need to have either a properly solid argument for unreasonable behaviour or a mutual understanding. Adultery is obvious enough, but obviously it'd be your wife's brother that would have to file for divorce, not the she-beast. And he should get in there quickly by the sound of it :shock: Other than that, you can divorce on grounds of separation, but you have to live at different addresses for at least two years (three if one of you doesn't want to sign the papers) before you can go that way.


Does that clear it up? If not, BikerMoo should be able to help explain it a bit better - she's done most of the reading for our divorce, so might be worth dropping her a PM. Of course it's a very different situation (we even came to an amicable agreement about who keeps the TV :mrgreen:), but I believe she has spent a whole lot of time getting to grips with all the current laws and so should still be able to help.


Your brother in law's situation sounds far from amicable, and as the wronged party I'm pretty sure that puts the ball firmly in his court. But probably best if he acts on it ASAP before she realises her mistake and tries to divorce him by making up a story about him being violent or adulterous...

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Nope she can file for divorce on differences BUT normally you have to have been separated for a couple of years or so it was 16 years ago when I got divorced so it could have changed a bit by now.


My only word of advice would be to do it all through solicitors and the court. By all I mean money for the kids division of property and the divorce reasons/process. It's surprising how much is agreed between solicitors and saves airing your dirty laundry in court.

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He's got a few things to defend himself with here...


Firstly the woman is guilty of adultery... Which is a bad situation for everyone, as her new man has to live with the fact if she has enough of you, she loses all respect and finds someone else, which in my view means she has a tree to go and apologise to, it's probably been working harder than she ever has to produce the oxygen she breathes.


So he doesn't need to go down a bad route here.


The other is unreasonable behaviour, used for virtually anything unreasonable. This can be from drug addictions, abusive behaviour, or simply life aims don't match.

If a couple break up, move apart, and have lives with new people this is even considered unreasonable behaviour, especially where a marriage is concerned.


But that would be an honest way of dealing with it. With this one you really are going to have to take the guns out approach so she can't claim anything from him.

It was her choice to fool around with someone else, regardless of whether it was her religion doing the talking, it is still adultery. If the blame can land on her, she can't claim anything! If someone else is providing the kids with a life, then he doesn't owe support either.

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If he is in the Stoke on Trent area he needs a solicitor called Claire Campbell, I'm not sure which practice she is at these days but I'm sure you will be able to track her down. Don't ignore this, she is good, very good and practical. Claire Campbell is not the sort of solicitor you want to have against you.

If his wife has somehow got Claire he might as well roll over and just open his wallet.

Dont say I didn't tell you.

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I got divorced last year and there are 4 reasons for a divorce but only 2 for immediate divorce,


Adultery - Quickest and easiest, normally done and dusted in anywhere between 3-6 months.


Unreasonable Behavior - This can be dragged out as whichever party is stating the other is behaving unreasonably has to state anything and everything which then could be disputed by the courts.


Irreconcilable differences can only be used where the couple have been separated for more than 2 years. This is just a nice way of saying we've given up and don't want to be together anymore


All the above have to be agreed by both parties.


The only other reason is that the couple have been seperated for 5 years or more and this doesn't have to be agreed by both parties, but evidence needs to be presented to state they haven't been together for that long (hope that makes sense)


My ex-wife left me for another bloke but she filed for divorce and cited and did it on the grounds of adultery as i had met someone else 6 months after we separated, after i spoke to a solicitor they advised me that this would be the quickest way to get things done and as we didn't have any financial assetts to split then it wouldn't really matter what it went down as, just depended if i wanted the paperwork to show the truth (by this time i just wanted to be divorced)


You can sign a form to say that you will sort access to the children seperate from the divorce.


It all boils down to personal circumstances, best thing to do is speak to a solicitor and see where he stands, most solicitors will give half an hour or an hour free.


Good luck with everything. If you need any more help in regards to my own experience then PM me.

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No point getting entrenched on whos to blaim just let the lawyers sort out the dividing of the estate and get both of them on there way. Entrenchment is what some lawyers love and will cost, will cause bitterness and is no good at all if kids are dragged into it. My good lady is a family lawyer pm me if you need to have a chat.

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Thanks guys - that's all great advice and much appreciated.


He knows that one of the three children isn't his as it pre-dates their relationship, but I can't help thinking a spot of paternity testing might not go amiss on the other two...

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Thanks guys - that's all great advice and much appreciated.


He knows that one of the three children isn't his as it pre-dates their relationship, but I can't help thinking a spot of paternity testing might not go amiss on the other two...

 

That's a fantastic idea!


I know of a similar situation, and the potential father was banned from seeing the baby and her as it was feared he'd swab the baby for DNA to do a test. If she refused to do that, then it's a clear sign of what's what!

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Shit fights don't work in law the only winners are the lawyers. My first wife got legal aid and dispite my pleas to get control of her lawyer she followed his lead. That lawyer tore us both to pieces with my young daughter at the time mentally trashed pulled between it all. she still carries the mental scars to this day 20 odd years on. My ex thought thought she had won and gloated on it, but 18 months after the divorce was finally finished she moved house, the legal aid board then hit her for £11k as said that was over 20 yrs ago you have been warned.

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The court will not be interested in their differences, they're adults and can deal with it themselves....but the court will be interested in the kids. They will make a decision based on the kids welfare and wellbeing. Doesn't matter who did what, they will only be interested in making sure the kids have a roof over their head and are cared for. Grounds for divorce are just that.....reasons for the court to annull the marriage......maintenance and distribution of any assets will be made to ensure the kids are provided for.

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So, just by way of a finale to this sorry tale, legal advice has now been sought, and as far as I can tell is being completely ignored.


It is hard to describe the stupidity of my brother-in-law to those who haven't met him, but if you took a low grade moron and lobotomised it you'd be getting close. Instead of acting on the advice he received and initiating divorce proceedings he is doing what he always does when the going gets tough - running away and hoping the situation magically resolves itself. His big plan is to go to Australia for an extended stay with an equally mentally deficient ex-girlfriend. How on earth he expects to pay for his flight given that he can't even afford to keep his mobile phone topped up is beyond me, but he assured us that he has it all worked out.


Frankly, I wouldn't fancy his chances at working his way out of a darkened room, but I'm willing to be astounded.

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