Mississippi Bullfrog

This is an old 54 plate. 120 000 miles and not looked after at all. She's had it about five years and has not done a single service or repair on it since we separated ... nearly four year now! Hence if I can squeeze it through the MOT for her I can forget it for another year and it'll cost me less. I am being somewhat selfish here but she doesn't look after them. She ran it on low oil, red light on for a couple of days because couldn't be bothered to put oil in. More than once too! Those engines won't tolerate poor servicing - particularly running with old oil. By the sounds of it she's destroyed it.

I hate it when I do something like that. Firstly because I did it and secondly because it really annoys me when I know that in the bigger order of things it's not the worst problem in the world but it still makes me mad with myself. It is why I hate buying new cars. I'm happier driving a wreck.

You can always blank the EGR on them. The issue with intercooler trunking I had was that it collapsed before the turbo could come onto load so that prevented the trunking from being pressured in the first place so no boost was developing. It was sorted under warranty so I never got too hands on with it but the report I got said it was the internal structure coming adrift.

I had something similar once. Fine at moderate throttle but smoky when opened up, coupled with loss of power. It was the intercooler trunking collapsing when the throttle was opened so it strangled the air supply into the engine.

I have the perfect challenge for you. You can crank my honey extractor for me. I'll do the hard bit and watch the honey flow out of the nozzle. You can do the easy bit and wind the handle to spin the honey combs.

That's pretty bad. When I did my test - OK it was years ago - the examiner asked why I'd taken a junction in a rather odd way. It was right turn at traffic lights and I'd gone the long way round a car coming the other way so as to pass behind it rather than pass on its passenger side. I explained my reasoning - which was that the car was a driving instructor giving a lesson to a new driver, so I argued that the driving instructor would teach the student to turn as per the highway code which said to always pass driver's door to driver's door. (Damn stupid of course and no-one ever does but that was the rule at the time.) At which point the examiner said - OK, that's a fair answer, and that was that. Mind you he then told me to ignore certain ways I'd been taught to ride because although they were statutory for the test in his opinion they were in fact 'bloody dangerous'. Which reflects your experience - except you got a jobsworth for an examiner. What did your instructor say about it?

Even if it had a centre stand they'd tell you to use the side stand and straps. A lot depends on the weather! Last time I went that way HGVs were shifting all over the place. 'Twas not pleasant!

The recycling centre would tell you to put it in the none recyclable skip anyway. It's horrible stuff but pretty inert. When was at primary school we shared a yard with the secondary modern - I'll never forget the time some of the older thugs realised that if they pulled the fibre glass insulation off the outside heating pipes and shoved it down the little kids shirts it made them itch.

The utter twerp who placed a road closed sign at the end of our lane with a diversion system that takes you miles and then brings you back from the opposite direction which is where the road really is closed. So a long detour there and back when the road I wanted to go down wasn't closed in the first place. After a hard evening's sailing I was ready for my tea!

Anyone ever wanted to try their hand at sailing a boat? Many sailing clubs will be having an open day on 11 May called 'Push the Boat Out'. It is a day when they open the club to visitors and let people have a go sailing a boat on the water. Mostly it is dinghy sailing - two or three handers - so you can go out with an experienced sailor and just have a go. It is free. You don't need any experience or equipment. Just turn up and have some fun. No obligation - but if you like riding motorbikes then sailing a Laser in a strong breeze is probably something you're going to love. I'm taking part in our local club event on Winsford Flash from 10.00am to 5.00pm - but wherever you are there will be a local sailing club running something similar. Just Google your local sailing club if you want to have a go.

Excessive side play means it's worn, and look at the sprockets, see if they've developed signs of wear on the teeth. If it breaks you will be sad.

So over the past weekend we've discovered we have a closet Action Man collector, someone who rides round with a mannequin riding pillion and Fastbob's taste in rather dubious 80's movies - can this place get any weirder?

It will interesting to see if you pulled over if your 'passenger' isn't wearing a helmet.

I'm pretty sure most bipedal life forms would count as a pillion passenger, Vulcans or Klingons for example. You'd probably be ok with a Dalek if you strapped it on well enough. Otherwise non sentient objects strapped to the seat behind you would usually be classed as luggage rather than a passenger.

Knowing there are people barmy enough to belong to a vintage action man forum has made my day. I love people doing things that are totally bonkers.

The MOT running out doesn't invalidate the tax, it just prevents the tax being renewed.

I'd try changing just the front cog first. You'd be surprised how much difference just dropping one tooth at the front makes. Can't help with the chain but my personal instinct is that you won't get much benefit that outweighs the downside of a weaker chain.

That looks like they have simply covered the engine number with tape for the purposes of advertising on the internet. Like a lot of people hide their registration number on photos. It's to stop people using the numbers illegally.

They can't be any worse than some of the pillocks round here.

I wondered about the tax but I guess it had some MOT left on it so the tax would have gone through. There is a case for making a complaint if a bike sold as having a 12 month MOT didn't, but as said above, at the end of the day it is the driver's responsibility to make sure a vehicle is legal. If there was no MOT certificate with the bike then you assume it hasn't got one. Chech on the DVLA website when it was last put through a MOT and if that doesn't match what the dealer's receipt says then you've got a right to ask them to MOT it now for free. But anything to do with riding a bike without an MOT is the rider's responsibility.

The mother driving her little darling to school this morning who was right on my rear wheel. At one point I had to slow for a speed bump which she hadn't spotted so nearly ran into the back of me. She had to hit the brakes hard. Her child was in the front seat without a seat belt so got launched into the dashboard. And apparently it was all my fault.

You mean on the wireless surely?

The hero on a facebook page who was asking for advice about upgrading his bike with a picture of him riding in normal jeans, trainers and no gloves - someone suggested he upgrade his riding kit before spending money on a bike. To which he responded with some aggression saying anyone who gave advice about riding kit was a nazi.... Only to post a few hours later detailing the injuries he's sustained after a fairly minor off. All things that decent kit would have prevented. Still, at least he's likely not to pass on many of his genes.

A grand for a headlight! Blimey, I usually spend less on the whole car.

Visit a few bike shows......there's usually someone there giving away sidestand pucks......We used to have quite a collection of them..... Knowing me that would end up as a very expensive free puck