XmisterIS

You have a vivid dream that you're having an affair with Elmo from sesame st, only you're crying and running away because he wants to consummate the relationship ...

I haven't smoked anything since the 20th century! I like ribena.

I started off with mine mounted on the helmet, I only did 20 minutes riding before I took it off because I couldn't stand the feeling of the wind blowing it around. Now it's mounted on the bike.

I'm on the fence with this one ... some cameras are definitely there to make a profit, others I think are genuinely there as a deterrent. E.g. I will give it socks out on the Nat speed limit roads, but I will go easy through built-up areas. E.g. the other day I was out for a blast, slowed down for a village as I normally do, came round the corner and there was (a) a speed camera van and (b) a primary school (with kids running around). Personally, I wouldn't go blasting through a village because of hazards, and also out of respect for the people who live there - so a watchman speed camera wouldn't be a problem there. When they start putting them in remote areas where there are reduced hazards, then they can f**k right off!

At the risk of sounding like an indignant Mumsnet member, I'm now going to post like an indignant Mumsnet member ... I took my 15 month old daughter swimming at the paddling pool on Southampton common today (it's only 2ft deep, but when you're only 2 1/2 ft tall, it's a swimming pool!) Afterwards I took off her swimming kit and let her run round in the buff for 5 minutes to make sure she was dry, and because she likes running round naked! (As do most toddlers before they learn about shame). I was approached by one of the lifeguards who asked me to put some clothes on her because there had been people coming along to the pool and taking mobile phone pictures of naked infants (presumably so they can get their rocks off looking at little kids ... you've got to be seriously f**ked up in the head to do that). I said, "That's no problem, if I see someone taking photos of my daughter, I'll punch them full in the face and throw them in the pool". What the f**k is going on with society? Back when I was a toddler, nobody batted an eyelid about naked children. My parents have photos of me and my friends as toddlers all playing on the beach, all naked, in 1977. Nothing sexual about it at all, and nobody even remotely bothered by it.

I must confess, I have no idea what you're all talking about! I am familiar with the following games: Pong. Pac Man. Frogger. Space Invaders. Chuckie Egg. http://archive.worldofdragon.org/images/thumb/5/5b/ChuckieEgg_Tape_1983.jpg/296px-ChuckieEgg_Tape_1983.jpg

I had hypnosis once, the hypnotist's day job was a shelf stacker in Tesco. I still can't look at a Bernard Matthews Turkey Twizzler without screaming and pooing.

And indeed I do, but there are two issues there: 1, I am probably developing bad habits - well, I know I am - and 2, I need to be taught what to do to get through the test, which I do need an instructor for. Do you drive a car as well as ride a bike? That will help hugely. I had full car licence for 13 years before getting a 125. I did a perfect bike test (not even one minor fault)- not because I'm a smarty-pants amazing bike rider (I'm not), but just because I'd got 13 years of driving experience beforehand.

NOTD goes to the twat on a fireblade who was stuck to my rear tyre like glue all the way through the middle of Southampton (30 mph, city centre, heavy traffic), then overtook me on a blind bend (good job the driver coming the other way was quick on the brakes), then went flying up Shirley High St at probably double the speed limit. Anyone who knows the area will know that gunning it up Shirley High St at 60+ mph on a busy Saturday afternoon is a really good way to have a bad accident. Or kill a child. Hats off to you, Mr Fireblade, you are a f**king dick.

I had no chance: dad - bald, uncle - bald, grandfather - bald, other grandfather - bald. The odds were never in my favour!

When XlittleIS was very small, XmrsIS complained one day about being so busy she couldn't even find time to have her hair cut (a three hour undertaking). I told I'd get my clippers out if she liked!

They certainly are! My current helmet gives me a headache after about 4 hours, always has done.

7 years old this year. The one i had before that bit the dust when i was on l plates and binned my 125. This one still fits fine, nothing broken (apart from one of the air vents) but it is now 7 years old.

Psychy - well done for ditching the crap instructor! Anyone learning to ride a bike deserves to enjoy the experience. If you're like me, you might find it easier to just go a do your own thing, spend some time riding on your own just to get the hang of it and get comfortable. Personally, if i have an instructor/teacher watching and judging, i go completely to pot and can't do a thing. I had to get my cbt then spend a season riding a 125 by myself and learning in my own way with nobody watching.

You should grow a comb over and start using Just For Men. That's how i plan to look 18 forever!

It's just wrong! (Except Bill Bailey - he's the only man i know who can do the long hair/bald head thing without looking like a pedo). I am bald and what's left is grade 1 all over!

Congrats! I remember my initiation into parenthood, for the first few months i had to pinch myself to make sure i wasn't dreaming! Welcome to a world of incredible joy ... although the there will be times that make you go, "why you little ... !" in a Homer Simpson way (but without the strangling ...)

You have work experience, and that means you have a USP (unique selling point) - something that makes you different from all the other candidates. Find your usp and sell it!

Absolute bummer ... BUT ... you have one thing greatly in your favour: Experience! You're a student with valuable work experience. Employers will take you over a student with no experience any day of the week.

Great stuff! Is this your first?

No less than THREE notds today ... 1) Stupid bitch who went mental because I filtered past her completely stationary car into the huge empty space in front of her car in a completely stationary queue of traffic. She mounted the pavement and tried to drive round me on the inside to reclaim her place in the queue, and shouted out of the window at me that I was "queue jumping", and then went off on a rant about "all you motorbikes, you think you own the road, etc, etc". I told her to f**k off. 2) Me! Yes, I am NOTD - I filtered past a junction with a stationary car waiting to emerge and turn across traffic. Could have been nasty if he had pulled out. I spotted it when I had already begun the manoeuvre. Twat. I told myself to f**k off! 3) Stupid old git in oncoming car who flashed me AFTER I had done an overtake. He was bloody miles away and flashed me AFTER I'd pulled back in and he was still miles away. Wagged his finger at me as he went past. Twat. Learn to judge speed and distance you geriatric tosspot!

Welcome back! If your travels take you to Southampton or surrounds, let me know - would be good to do a ride out.

Well done! I quit 15 years ago and never want to go back on it.

Sounds like you've done exactly the right thing there. I've always gone with the tactic of buying the least expensive house on the most expensive street you can afford. I started buying and renovating in 2000, 16 years later it's paid off - large house no mortgage. XmrsIS and I have decided to stay put now - we don't need a mansion, we're in our 40's now and pretty much bored of renovating places!