dfrbrowne Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Just tried to have a wee, it was like trying to pass hot salt and razor blades, and blood too.All after a failed 30 minute torture at the hospital... called urodynamicsOk Mr Browne, get undressed, we are going to put a catheter up your penis into you bladder and then a balloon up your rectum to measure the pressure. just relax and don't worry its a simple procedure.First some cold gel up your penis... **!!!!** Now relax, don't tense it will feel a little funny.Oh My God, it was like a knife going up my willy, got it so far up but as I was not relaxed my penis was thinking "what the f**ks this, don't fancy letting this up.Relax Mr Browne, cough for me, Cough, Push, ARGHHH!No Mr Browne, your all tense, Oh? (Why the f**k is that I think.)Pretty nurse says I’m doing really well, so for the 2nd attempt she holds my hand.Same again, Push, Cough Arghhh!!! Nearly crush nurses fingers.No Mr Browne, Listen if you don't relax the only other way to do this procedure is to take you to theatre, put a wire up you, with a little camera, hook the camera back out and then use the wire to insert the catheter, lets try again shall we, now just relax.Ok, thats fine up we go, ok small cough for me, cough. NO you can do better than that, COUGH. COUGH COUGH COUGH, ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!Mr Browne if your all tense your sphincter clamps up and I can get the catheter up. Get dressed now and lets discuss.I hobble into changing room feeling like there is a hot pipe cleaner up my willy.Nurse gets me a drink and tells me not to lock the door.Sit down with the doctor to look at my ultrasound scans.Well the next procedure in your diagnosis is this urodynamics, so you could come in for an out patients day and we use the wire to get the catheter into you.What do the ultrasound scans show?Well your gall stone is about 1cm but if its not causing you any problems we can just leave it alone.And your kidney cyst is nothing to worry about.So do we have to do these urodynamics?We'll if your not having any real problems and I can tell by looking at you you don't like the idea we can just leave it for review in a year or if the problem gets any worse.Nah! not that big a problem I said, we'll review it in a year.I hobbled out and drove home with my legs spread gingerly holding onto myself. I am still stinging and burning drinking pints of water and dreading next visit to the loo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
techno Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Wow so glad I read that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethNW Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 I cant read it. I got to the first "up my" and then stopped Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fullscreenaging Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 I'd still get it sorted now before it get's any bigger.I'll uncross my legs now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GazzyG Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guybandit Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Nice review. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 AAAaaarrrrggggghhhhhhh......I really did not want to read that...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davefly76 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Sounds like a scene out of one of the Saw films..!! Could they not offer you some anaesthetic?I'm with Deso though, get it sorted now before its gets any worse. I've had to have a catheter fitted when I had an tumor removed from my hamstring. Luckily though I'd had an epidural so couldn't feel anything when it went in and the removal was quick, although bit of a shock as the numbness had worn off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dfrbrowne Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 It was just supposed to be a simple check up procedure, on further discussions there is no real urgency which I wish I had know before had as I would have said no thanks to start with! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
essbeebee Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 My sympathies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rennie Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Nasty! I'd get it sorted now not later! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nogin Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 I feel your pain! But I couldn't help but laugh.I had a kidney stone and a syst in my bladder removed via... cough my water pipe! I was peeing blood for 2 weeks and the first week was like pissing needles!Christ i hope I never go through that again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colin the Bear Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 I don't go to that kind of party anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keith565 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 I'm a staff nurse and that's got my eyes watering (and my legs crossed). hope it gets better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tryme Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I feel faint Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nman1 Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 Cheers pal, at 8.15 in the morning thats a great start to the day.Get it sorted and out of the way, then get on with life without worry or pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhJay Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I shouldn't laughI feel for you but that was so excellently written.Hope it's all sorted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hodgy Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I feel for you, it brought a tear to my eyes just thinking about what you went through. I know the advice about going and getting it sorted is very sound, but I rekon I would be running very quickly in the other direction if it was me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klingelton Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 i love the way they say "just relax, it's a normal proceedure..." MAYBE FOR YOU IT IS! having my orofices probed by some bloke twice my age is definately NOT normal for me!My experience was somewhat different though. I started shitting blood a couple of years back, so i took a visit to the man vets to see if it was anything serious. First time I'd been to the docs in about 15 years and i can honestly say they're getting attractive!Anyway, my doc was an early 30's cute brunette. I described the problem - she had me hop on a bench then proceeded to violate me with her finger. Turned out to be nothing too serious, but i've found myself making excuses to go back to the docs! I hope your issues turn out to be none too serious though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadtorque Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 Well that's you aii set up for your,,, Wee trip to Scotland Don't forget, Have a Wee rest on the way & maybe a Wee drink & a Wee snack + a little Wee Wee before you set off again I'm sorry,,,, I'm just taking the piss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remy Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Well that was a rather graphic description , sounds like the usual kinds of things women have to go through when in labour and the rest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dfrbrowne Posted May 2, 2012 Author Share Posted May 2, 2012 I"d say it was a lot worse than labour. Been there for my four kids, compared to what I went through it was a walk in the park! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susieque Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 I"d say it was a lot worse than labour. Been there for my four kids, compared to what I went through it was a walk in the park! Oh of course it was!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 oh my god thats horrific, needs an 18 cert for this! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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