Screaming Kids

[XmisterIS]

We have a baby daughter; she seems "normal" - cries when something's wrong, otherwise she's happy and smiling mostly!

Now ... the opposite neighbours are another case completely. They have twin daughters, 3 years old, who scream (and I mean SCREAM) at the drop of a hat. It rarely seems to be just crying, it's usually full-on meltdown, and it happens several times per day, for about 2 hours each time.

For example, the other day, I went round the see the family, one of the twins wanted chocolate ice-cream, the dad told her they'd run out but she could have strawberry instead ... her response was to go into full meltdown! He said "this is normal - and now she'll scream for at least an hour".

I have never once seen either twin smile. They always look like they're pissed of and on the verge of angry screaming (which means meltdown). When we first met them, I just looked at one of them, smiled and said, "hello" in a friendly voice - and she had a meltdown and had to be taken away!

Both parents look like they are at breaking point - complete exhaustion - the twins are 3 years old and apparently still waking up 4 or 5 times in the night, every night, and raising hell.

Does that sound normal?! (I'm hoping our Daughter won't turn into the screaming toddler from hell when she's older!)

[Stu]

Its not contagious you know

I don't have kids but I know for one it's not normal!

I'm not going to point the blame anywhere as a lot of people will blame the parenting! At the end of the day you never know what's goes on behind closed doors!

They could be the best perants in the world and a chemical imbalance is causing it

It could be a type of learning disability too

Its anyone's guess really

[Steve D]

Perfectly normal Stops when they leave home.

[Whitey1984]

Def not normal, i blame the parents

But on a serious note, a lot of it depends on how you bring them up, do they do anything when they start screaming or just leave them to it, if the kids get away with it then they don't know its not acceptable to behave like that.

If it were my child and they had a melt down like that, i would calmly say that if they carry on then they wont get anything and they can then sit in the corner until they stop.

If the parents don't do anything, the kids just think its okay to do it and carry on.

[NeilM]

I have twins.

It is hard but as previously posted it is how you bring them up.

If you forever give in to there constant demands they'll obviously become quite the little buggers!!

[Tankbag]

I don't have any farts so I can't really comment but friends farts don't have meltdowns like you've described

[SteveH30]

If it was just during the day I would say its parents lack of discipline but if their waking during night several times and as their 3 years old it might be Autism or other similar Learning Disability. Due to the wide range of spectrum of Autism and Aspergers it can only be looked into once children reach rhe age where there development os more able to be compared to other children. Sadly you do have to persist with doctor to look into it as it is still a specialist area.

[Joeman]

I thought this was a motorbike forum not MumsNet

Kids are complex creatures. we are lucky with ours, shes two and a half and very easy going. she doesnt have "meltdowns" like many of the kids in our NCT group seem to have.

But kids are all different, and i dont think you can start assuming they have mental issues just because they cry at night - its more likely hunger, or too much sugar in the crappy kids food everyone seems to feed children...

But there seems to be a link with nursery. All the parents in our NCT group reported that as soon as their kids started going to nursery they turned into little horrors. kind of makes sense really, they go from one-to-one care with mum, to being in a room full of kids competing for the nursery workers attention.

My child doesnt go to nursery, she goes to a montessori pre-school for two mornings per week. in our view she's too young to be away from parents any longer than that.

Also, you need to wear them out. I see so many two/three/four year olds being pushed about in buggies!! WHY?? they have legs, let them walk, why push them about?? how are they ever going to get worn out if they are not allowed to even walk, and if they are not worn out they will not sleep!! buggies are evil.

Then we have beeping plastic toys, ipads,TV's etc etc and all the other electronic junk parents are pushing their kids to "play" with... none of it is good for the developing brain and it teaches them nothing.

I'll stop there i think, but i could rant for ages on the subject.. lol

[NearOn]

Like others have said is all to do with how they are brought up. My parents did a great job with me and my brother so I simply bring up my son in the same way and touch wood so far so good. He has the odd meltdown but majority of the time he's a happy child, especially when out and exploring the world.

He's not a great sleeper though and although these days not that loud at night he previously was quite loud with crying. However that's something in life can't do much about.

In regards to nursery I really believe that all children from an early age should go to some sort of nursery a few times a week as is so important because it encourages social relationships with other children, interaction with other adults and taking instructions from them and mainly learning and developing which is massively encouraged at our nursery. So when our child goes to school at 4 that sort of surrounding won't be alien to him yet to a 4 year old who has spent the last 4 years 24/7 with mum or dad it will be a massive shock to the system and many struggle with that. I have a few friends who are primary school teachers who say you can tell which children have not been to nursery/pre school in their first 4/5 years.

[Joeman]

In regards to nursery I really believe that all children from an early age should go to some sort of nursery a few times a week as is so important because it encourages social relationships with other children, interaction with other adults and taking instructions from them and mainly learning and developing which is massively encouraged at our nursery. So when our child goes to school at 4 that sort of surrounding won't be alien to him yet to a 4 year old who has spent the last 4 years 24/7 with mum or dad it will be a massive shock to the system and many struggle with that. I have a few friends who are primary school teachers who say you can tell which children have not been to nursery/pre school in their first 4/5 years.

 

Totally agree... but so many kids are dumped into nursery 5 days a week from a very early age. The transition from home to nursery is too sudden and i think thats why you get the meltdowns. Certainly thats been the case with the majority of our NCT bunch. the pressure for mums to return to work is too great IMO.

The Montessori way is to start them at two mornings per week when they are two, and then gradually build them up to 5 days a week so that the transition from home to pre-shool is not sudden and equally the transition from pre-school to primary school is not a big deal.

[Whitey1984]

If it was just during the day I would say its parents lack of discipline but if their waking during night several times and as their 3 years old it might be Autism or other similar Learning Disability. Due to the wide range of spectrum of Autism and Aspergers it can only be looked into once children reach rhe age where there development os more able to be compared to other children. Sadly you do have to persist with doctor to look into it as it is still a specialist area.

 

I sort of agree with this, however.... What happens when the kid wakes up? do they get lots of attention? do they get given a drink and a cuddle with Mummy? do they get food?

If the parents answer yes to any or all of the above then they need to stop.

Kid wakes up and knows if it screams it gets attention, if the parents stop that behaviour, Kid wakes up, knows screaming wont do any good so drops back off.

Kids are smarter then we give them credit for and we seem to be too quick to look for an excuse as to why they behave the way we do, if we can come up with ADHD/Aspergers etc then it takes the blame away from parents who dont want to admit that they could have done something about it.

And im not saying that no kids ever have these disorders but they are just rarer then people think.

I have 3 kids and none of them scream or have meltdowns.

[klingelton]

I thought this was a motorbike forum not MumsNet

Kids are complex creatures. we are lucky with ours, shes two and a half and very easy going. she doesnt have "meltdowns" like many of the kids in our NCT group seem to have.

But kids are all different, and i dont think you can start assuming they have mental issues just because they cry at night - its more likely hunger, or too much sugar in the crappy kids food everyone seems to feed children...

But there seems to be a link with nursery. All the parents in our NCT group reported that as soon as their kids started going to nursery they turned into little horrors. kind of makes sense really, they go from one-to-one care with mum, to being in a room full of kids competing for the nursery workers attention.

My child doesnt go to nursery, she goes to a montessori pre-school for two mornings per week. in our view she's too young to be away from parents any longer than that.

Also, you need to wear them out. I see so many two/three/four year olds being pushed about in buggies!! WHY?? they have legs, let them walk, why push them about?? how are they ever going to get worn out if they are not allowed to even walk, and if they are not worn out they will not sleep!! buggies are evil.

Then we have beeping plastic toys, ipads,TV's etc etc and all the other electronic junk parents are pushing their kids to "play" with... none of it is good for the developing brain and it teaches them nothing.

I'll stop there i think, but i could rant for ages on the subject.. lol

 

I agree with everything said here!

The wife is currently off with our 9 month old - when she does go back to work, he'll be in a montessori school - because it's a way for him to develop and learn and do things with his time. When at home, the wife doesn't have the TV on at all during the day.

We have 1 or 2 plastic toys that make noise, but quite honestly, they drive me insane! he prefers his stacking toys, spinning toys, toys with wheels, and toys which he can manipulate and tap together. pressing a button is hardly going to improve his hand eye coordination.

He has his occasional cry - but shows a great deal of patience as well. He loves his food, loves his bananas especially. He loves music and likes nothing more than tapping on things and listens attentively when the banjo is out.

I put this all down to the stirling work the wife is doing every day in keeping him entertained. She thinks she's not doing a great job and is somehow failing him - but you only have to look at him to realise she's not.

Oh and when he gets a bit older, i have a few motorcycle related toys!