dynax

Jesus Knows A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.' The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you ?' 'Moses,' replied the bird. 'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?' 'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

My wife walked in to the room when I was in the middle of a furious argument with our son. When he ran out of the room crying, I said to my wife, "God, I wish that I'd used a condom now" My wife was aghast and said, "What! You mean you wish that our son had never been born?" I replied "No --- I've got his girlfriend pregnant"

After [mention]Six30[/mention] had jizzed on your cake, i thought i would get you another one

, you might be better with a wetsuit and jetbike

Yes, get one fabricated from 10mm plate steel, don't buy an Oxford one, there's a YT video showing someone opening one up within 30 seconds, also a metalworker would only charge a few quid for a few bits of scrap, if you can weld yourself

Grab your camera, stand outside his house, BUT, stay on the public path, and take pictures, YOU can do that legally, see how he likes it

[mention]ApolloMozart[/mention] I personally think it's too much of a coincidence, for said neighbour(s), not to be involved in some way, and regarding the situation with the drone, it is illegal to fly one within 50m of someone else's property, there are guidelines available from an internet search, of what is and is not allowable

Happy Birthday Stu

He was already on licence for similar offences, in his 4.5 year holiday, he will find God, gain some kind of qualification, to help get a job( ), have access to the internet, build up a network of other lowlife shite, come back into society, do the same thing again, and plead some kind of discrimination crap, about not being being able get a job, because no one will give him a chance, due to his prior convictions, that weren't his fault, he was a victim of social decline, and he had to try and support his family by any means, WAKE UP JUSTICE PEOPLE, you can't rehabilitate sewage like this

In hindsight, we can all say i wish i did this or that, but one thing i would do on the next one, is get an alarm fitted, it might not be much of a deterrent, when you're out and about, but at home, does give you peace of mind, i am so glad i got mine fitted, and it is so sensitive, it will warn me as soon as i step on the shed floor, and for a about £20 it's cheap enough to fit, just for the sake of it link to the one i bought, https://www.motorbikealarm.co.uk/shop/ncs-c-11-talking-motorbike-alarm-and-immobiliser-system/#tab-reviews

Sounds shifty to me, get the biggest cable tie you can find, strangle the fooker until he tells you the truth

Don't know what to say to that, well and truly shite luck

I know what i will be looking at, when munching on my burger at lunch time

The market is flooded with all sorts of accessories, and unless you can compete with prices from China, you will struggle, as a viable business, if you run it as a hobby, you might make it work, but don't expect to get rich, or have a stable income, it just won't happen, i buy quite regularly from China, and most items arrive within 2 weeks, but i'm in no hurry, and i buy well in advance of when i need it, but with all that said, there are niches, and if you find the right one, you could do well, do your research, look at what is currently selling, and for how much, it won't be easy, but wish you well, but don't go into blind

as a temporary cap, cut the end off a latex/nitrile glove and use that

might be easier to put in a new wiring loom, https://www.chinesemotorcyclepartsonline.co.uk/partno_WRLM095

Which insurers did you go with ?

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes." A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.” The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.” God said, “Say no more.” Instantly, the cat had a HUGE fluffy pillow. A few days later, 12 mice were simultaneously killed in an accident and they all went up to Heaven together. God met the mice at the Gates of Heaven, with the exact same offer that He made to the cat. The mice said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives… from cats, dogs, and even from people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again.” God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller-skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat… He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?” The cat replied, “Oh, everything is just WONDERFUL… I’ve never been so happy in my life! My pillow is always fluffy and those little “Meals-on-Wheels” that You have been sending over are delicious!!

I didn't know we a had a bdsm section

Don't drink, so makes no difference to me But if was coffee, i would be kicking somebody's arse

Happy Birthday guys

Didn’t make any difference for me? Did with me too

Haha love it, but have you seen the size of that arse

I do agree with that, but could be ideal for 1st responders, having a blast around the lakes, the waterways aren't much of a problem, max speed on most rivers and canals is 4 mph, but short crossings like the IOM, or IOW, save messing with ferries