Bhawk

I swear I'm going to hell

we attempted to use drones for surveying their nest sites but apparently the gulls started smashing them out of the sky, breaking them

luckily I'm safe. No computer can train and fly birds of prey and kill pesky gulls and pigeons. Or safely use poisons. Although I'm trying to convince work to get me a commercial drone license, that way I can customise it and use it to destroy gull eggs that are inaccessible.

First learnt everything because I was skint. Then once for convenience used a garage to rebuild my calipers. They did a shit job, hadn't cleaned anything up or took their time on it, there was also superficial damage to the external side of the caliper from a ham fisted monkey using grips. So now I do it myself so I know the jobs been done properly, and the satisfaction of it all.

A few more, can't help myself. And trust me, these are far better than the offensive ones.... On a side note, I'm going to hell lol

Come on peeps, we need more jokes

couple more

I think my sense of humour is going to end up like six30's....i need help lol

One more

Couple more

Some more bad taste

good ol' paddy and murphy

See I'm lazy, I put the bike on its sidestand and lever it so the bikes balancing on the sidestand then just whirl it around, no need to paddle or walk it around. Takes two seconds to get the bike facing the opposite way. But yes, for the test you have to do everything by the book.

A couple more for you

Englishman: "That your dog?" Welshman: "Yep." Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?" Welshman: "Dog dont talk But." Englishman: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Welshman: (Look of shock!) Englishman: "Is this Welshman your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman) Dog: "Yep." Englishman: "How's he treating you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Welshman: (Look of total disbelief) Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Welshman: "Horse dont talk but." Englishman: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!) Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the welshman) Horse: "Yep." Englishman: "How's he treating you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather." Welshman: (Look of total amazement) Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Welshman: "That sheeps a f**king liar bud!!"

A couple more for those of us with bad taste

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me darlin' wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best Toast of The night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep”.

I know I know...i need to seek help... but it's funny

when i lived on the isle of sheppey i was good friends with a cage fighter. You could punch him in the head as hard as you want and he wouldnt flinch yet he was petrified of cotton wool. He wouldnt even walk past it in the shop. absolutely phobic.

Funnily enough, when i was younger i worked in a falconry centre. It was quite common for people to come see the birds fly who were phobic. Now if you have a fear of birds and want to overcome it, play with a budgie. Dont come to a centre with free flying eagles capable of taking your face off When i was younger i was immortal, although as i get older im definitely not as keen on heights anymore. In my work im often on top of large tanks at refineries which are fecking huge and they have little metal bridges between them. every time i cross them bridges and see how high i am my ar*ehole does twitch a bit. Which is especially weird as i love flying and go paragliding

poodles were originally for water hunting dogs. may be suitable. However the only real choice is a lurcher, theyre great dogs. Theyll have a good run when theyre out but when theyre home all they do is sleep. Plus theyll catch you your tea if you want them too. My dogs feed me well

Nob of the day goes to me. Total schoolboy error today at work, walking around a site, hawk flying. A lorry was moving around and the bird got spooked and went into a tree, i grabbed some food out of the bag and as i did so the lorry pulled alongside me and wound down his window asking whats going on, i say the bird just got spooked by the lorry and gestured to the lorry and as i did my hand was whipped sideways. The hawk had flown down and nicked the food out of my hand, leaving my hand a little bloody lol So the hawk was sat in yet another tree with a load of food looking pretty chuffed with himself. i had to wait a while for him to eat and eventually decide to come down, little twat he is. so now hes eaten too much and the chances of flying tomorrow are looking slim

My son is autistic as is my step brother. Autism is fascinating, although organisations like the national autistic society want to "cure" autism. May sound weird but i wouldnt have my son any other way, i wouldnt want him "cured", hes not disabled, just different. Anyway, im rambling. Its admirable work youll be doing, and it truly does make a difference to their lives. Good on ya!

I once walked a bike a mile and half to petrol station thinking it had run out of fuel, it was literally as I rolled it onto the forecourt I glanced at the killswitch and realised. Hell of a long walk. Luckily it wasn't raining but I felt like such an idiot

My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again. Because i didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, i explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away. "Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again." The silence in the taxi was deafening.....