Bhawk

They say masturbation is better with a dead arm Apparently I ruined that funeral

Isnt it weird how neighbours will complain about your dog so much as farting yet would sleep through an angle grinder chopping locks off lol

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother f**ker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

honestly i have no clue what speed i did, the whole mod1 seemed to go in a flash and before i even realised i was there i had passed

Hey everyone, i bought my better half a yamaha ybr 125 (2007) but im slightly confused and hopefully you lot can help me out a bit. Im pretty sure i need a new stator for it, but the issue is this, its a 2007 bike but is the carb model, not injection. but every time i look for stators its always pre 2007 carbs or 2007+ fuel injection. Anyone know where i can find a stator for the bike? would a pre 2007 stator be the same as what i need? dont want to fork out the money just to find i have the wrong part. Cheers

You dont need a license for hanggliding.....but i still pay for training! Going into the test without any skills is just asking for disaster. An off, or worse, an injury are likely. Dont be a tight arse and pay for decent training. No point going 70mph if you dont know how to stop!

good luck for today, remember, take it at your own pace, if you need a few seconds to gather yourself between maneuvers just say, they understand and should allow it Main thing, enjoy it!

Hey everyone, was considering paying for the "eat sleep ride" app, which apart from all the features also includes crashlight, a feature which means if you crash it will detect it and call emergency contacts and emergency services. Has anyone paid for this feature? What are your thoughts on it? Would like to get some opinions before I think about making the purchase Cheers

My mate took his Grandad to one of those fancy Health Spa's, where tiny little fish eat all the dead skin. It cost him £35, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral.

ill have to second the abba skylift, makes working on the bike so much easier, and it can all be done alone, easy to get the bike up in the air, and its completely stable when up in the air, ive sat on the bike while its 5ft up in the air! it also means you can strip it down completely without relying on multiple stands.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father! I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads..."

Time for H&S to pay a visit. There is no excuse to not use protective gear. Well the best trick is to put the screen near where they are welding but not covering the actual spot . Nothing will come of H&S issues here until an accident happens, it's too small a company. At my brother's old workplace someone welded a spike on the side of the workbench to hang tools on. My brother bent down to pick something up and turned around as he stood up and the spike went through his eyeball. We now call him Cyclops. Only one eye, but he did get a massive payout.

Today driving through the Yorkshire dales in my work van, two Lycra twats, one riding on the side of the road and the other riding on the white lines in the middle of the road effectively stopping any vehicles getting past. Bar stewards

Happy birthday, hope you get spoiled with loads of new bikes bits!!!

As much as I do have a soft spot for Range Rovers and Land Rovers, if you want a capable 4x4 that isn’t a money pit, three simple words-Toyota Land Cruiser . At work I often use a mitsubishi L200, it's great for hunting but costs a fortune in fuel and has the turning circle of a barge. I might have to look into a Toyota land cruiser. I wouldn't mind an LPG conversion if I could too.

i did jury duty for a sexual assault case and it was horrendous, not only for what happened but also the rest of the jury, they were scum themselves. When debating it, one woman said things like (concerning his violence towards her) "well it was a volatile relationship anyway so what does it matter"

i had a freelander a few years back, it was nice to drive but it was the worst money pit ive ever had! Im thinking of getting another 4x4, my son lives in the middle of nowhere and in winter they can easily get snowed in so id like to be able to help them out if that happens. Plus a ford mondeo doesnt make the best of hunting vehicles, poor thing nearly gets stuck every time i go out ferreting lol

need a new pair of boxers now! It really does show how easy it is for it all to go wrong!

Get one! i bought one and i love it, my bikes currently on it now, i know theyre not cheap but its great working on a bike without scrabbling about on the floor all the time, plus theyre built to last, when my bikes in storage it will be kept on the lift too. They are easy to use and make life so much easier. You absolute bast*rd, i’m 460 quid poorer today. Trust me, once you get the bike up on it, you will be singing its praises. Theyre built to last so you will have it for decades.

Bloody hell, i hope you get better quickly!

Coming home from shopping today, coming down a road, the right hand side full of parked cars but my lane is clear of any obstructions. A car coming the other way decides he doesnt want to wait for me to get through and tries to force his way onto my side of the road. I moved over as much as possible to the point my tyres were scraping the curb, and within a second of seeing him, his mirror smashed my mirror. When he came over i pointed out i had right of way, which he claims i didnt even though its pretty basic highway code, he came into my lane despite me being there, therefore he had no right of way. Luckily my mirror glass pushed back in but its still broken. Just got home and decided to check askmid to double check he was insured. His writing was barely legible but i tried what he had wrote as his license plate, and variations of it in case i was misreading it. All cases came back as not insured. Now if hes not insured im pretty sure i can replace my mirror glass for under a tenner. So im debating on not contacting my insurance unless he does first. I do find it weird that he would give me his address and his license plate number if he was uninsured though. What would peoples advice on this be?

Get one! i bought one and i love it, my bikes currently on it now, i know theyre not cheap but its great working on a bike without scrabbling about on the floor all the time, plus theyre built to last, when my bikes in storage it will be kept on the lift too. They are easy to use and make life so much easier.

have you checked wemoto They have a massive selection for most bikes, plus they are amazingly quick in getting them to you

I got some of them earpeace ear plugs and they're designed to block out wind noise but still let you hear your music/satnav. They cost about 20 quid and to be honest although they're good, they aren't massively better than the free ones I get at work. My favourite bit of kit is probably my leather jacket, bought it in a charity shop for something like 15 quid, still brand new with tags on. It's a perfect fit and feels so comfortable and it feels like it'll stand up well if I have an off. Either that or my skylift, I constantly Bragg abouts it because it makes life so much easier. As I speak my bikes up on the lift with no wheels and all fairings off

i ordered some biking jeans online. lucky i did, theyre the only pair of jeans that fit me now, my gut gets bigger by the day lol