London: invasion of the bodysnatchers

[MarkW]

I have just come back from a few days in London with the family, and something weird has happened to the natives since my last visit. I can only assume that aliens have abducted them, cut their heads open and zombified their brains, before returning them to Earth as smiley happy automatons.

We went into a Pizza Express and were given free starters because we'd waited five minutes before someone took our order. The fact that we weren't even remotely ready to order due to our seven year olds familiar insistence that he was too old for the children's menu was apparently neither here nor there, and when they made a trivial error with one of the deserts we got those for nowt as well. Astounding!

Every time we stopped for a quick glance at the map a friendly local appeared immediately to offer directions, and not just as a diversionary tactic whilst one of their mates lifted your wallet, as I had assumed. A couple of policemen wandered over to my 10 year-old as he was taking pictures of Tower Bridge, and rather than pinning him down and opening fire for being northern they wanted to know all about what film he was using and if he did his own processing before passing on their tips for covert photography through a pinhole in a blacked out window, presumably acquired over a long career of surveillance operations on dodgy cockneys. And when he was trying to take a photo of Churchill's statue outside parliament a very jolly cabbie shifted all his mates out of the way for him and then came over to explain what they were all protesting about. I knew something funny had happened when we parted, and he said "Enjoy the rest of your stay" instead of the "Gawd bless ya, guv'nor" that is mandatory for any genuine cabbie who's done The Knowledge.

And most astoundingly of all, someone even offered us their seat on the tube.

[Gin]

[mention]Hoggs[/mention] has had a word with them for you

[mikestrivens]

It's not prime tourist season. When the hordes of aliens descend on the capital the locals will return to their surly selves.

[Mississippi Bullfrog]

I have just come back from a few days in London with the family, and something weird has happened to the natives since my last visit. I can only assume that aliens have abducted them, cut their heads open and zombified their brains, before returning them to Earth as smiley happy automatons.

We went into a Pizza Express and were given free starters because we'd waited five minutes before someone took our order. The fact that we weren't even remotely ready to order due to our seven year olds familiar insistence that he was too old for the children's menu was apparently neither here nor there, and when they made a trivial error with one of the deserts we got those for nowt as well. Astounding!

Every time we stopped for a quick glance at the map a friendly local appeared immediately to offer directions, and not just as a diversionary tactic whilst one of their mates lifted your wallet, as I had assumed. A couple of policemen wandered over to my 10 year-old as he was taking pictures of Tower Bridge, and rather than pinning him down and opening fire for being northern they wanted to know all about what film he was using and if he did his own processing before passing on their tips for covert photography through a pinhole in a blacked out window, presumably acquired over a long career of surveillance operations on dodgy cockneys. And when he was trying to take a photo of Churchill's statue outside parliament a very jolly cabbie shifted all his mates out of the way for him and then came over to explain what they were all protesting about. I knew something funny had happened when we parted, and he said "Enjoy the rest of your stay" instead of the "Gawd bless ya, guv'nor" that is mandatory for any genuine cabbie who's done The Knowledge.

And most astoundingly of all, someone even offered us their seat on the tube.

 

And then you woke up and it was all a dream.....

[learningtofly]

Rest assured that some of us are still fecking grumpy

[BIKERDAD]

You can say you had the London expierance till you had the customary stabbing .. one the reasons we not been to London for a few years .As we used to go there for day trips with the kids .an due to my luck I'm not taken the chance . You know You got that type of luck . When you sit on a empty bus and on gets a 20stone dribbling drunk who like collection dog poo sits next to you

[Six30]

You can say you had the London expierance till you had the customary stabbing .. one the reasons we not been to London for a few years .As we used to go there for day trips with the kids .an due to my luck I'm not taken the chance . You know You got that type of luck . When you sit on a empty bus and on gets a 20stone dribbling drunk who like collection dog poo sits next to you

 

Stu told me he was the bus driver !!

[Tiggie]

You can say you had the London expierance till you had the customary stabbing .

 

My brother used to live and work in London as a paramedic. My father went to visit him, and being old school didn't use a sat nav and had to ring him up to say he was lost in Greenwich and couldn't find him. My brother told him to find out what road he was on and when my dad told him he said just sit in your car and lock the doors, I'll be there asap.

He had been to two stabbings on that road in the last 3 days

[Fozzie]

I think some Londoners are feeling the pressure a bit to break stereotype given all that is happening!

I've noticed the same kind of increased hospitality when I'm down there for work, which is quite frequent.

But it was hampered one morning when near St Georges hospital, a young lad was stabbed and killed outside the Sainsbury's there. Saw it all cordoned off but didn't know what had happened.

A friend of mine who is an actress lives down there, has had her phone stolen off her by a moped mounting the curb and taking it. Which seems to have taken off in the years since I've left, and I thought it was bad while I was there.

But I'm glad you had a positive experience! As when I was more of a tourist a few weeks back, seeing my best mate from my apprenticeship days, I had a good time as well with no issues. Rugby was on though

[brad93]

I am off to London tomorrow for a couple of days so I will try and come back with a second opinion last time I went I don’t think we spoke to a single person apart from the people who took our food orders!

[mikestrivens]

Take your stab vest.

[BIKERDAD]

If these stabbings keep on . There will be no more little always in school church going not in any Gangs aspiring rapper footballer scumbags left .

[The Hitcher]

I live just outside London but still within the M25 and have to go there for work at least a couple of days a week, I was born there, lived there when I was small, and honestly I hate going there, the OP was really lucky, don’t think I’ve ever had that nice of a trip up there!.

[MarkW]

If these stabbings keep on . There will be no more little always in school church going not in any Gangs aspiring rapper footballer scumbags left .

 

As long as the stabbings are just gang related they can keep it up indefinitely as far as I'm concerned. Then, instead of all this bogus guff we get about what a lovely young man the latest victim was (neatly glossing over the history of involvement with social services, the petty crime and knife-carrying) the police could come on the telly and say "Another turd with a chavvy name has just been knifed. Our files show that he was a right little c*nt who had it coming, and as we are expecting a revenge attack from members of his gang any day now it's a win-win situation for the law-abiding public."

[Bender]

We're the chimney sweeps dancing and singing in the streets, are you sure you didn’t just fall asleep watching Mary Poppins

[WinfordMos]

Quote

We're largely benefiting from these appetite suppressants and the chimney sweeps dancing and singing in the streets, are you sure you didn’t just fall asleep watching Mary Poppins

 

That would be a nightmare in and of itself, Bender. haha

Edited November 11, 2023 by WinfordMos

[Throttled]

I have just come back from a few days in London with the family, and something weird has happened to the natives since my last visit. I can only assume that aliens have abducted them, cut their heads open and zombified their brains, before returning them to Earth as smiley happy automatons.

We went into a Pizza Express and were given free starters because we'd waited five minutes before someone took our order. The fact that we weren't even remotely ready to order due to our seven year olds familiar insistence that he was too old for the children's menu was apparently neither here nor there, and when they made a trivial error with one of the deserts we got those for nowt as well. Astounding!

Every time we stopped for a quick glance at the map a friendly local appeared immediately to offer directions, and not just as a diversionary tactic whilst one of their mates lifted your wallet, as I had assumed. A couple of policemen wandered over to my 10 year-old as he was taking pictures of Tower Bridge, and rather than pinning him down and opening fire for being northern they wanted to know all about what film he was using and if he did his own processing before passing on their tips for covert photography through a pinhole in a blacked out window, presumably acquired over a long career of surveillance operations on dodgy cockneys. And when he was trying to take a photo of Churchill's statue outside parliament a very jolly cabbie shifted all his mates out of the way for him and then came over to explain what they were all protesting about. I knew something funny had happened when we parted, and he said "Enjoy the rest of your stay" instead of the "Gawd bless ya, guv'nor" that is mandatory for any genuine cabbie who's done The Knowledge.

And most astoundingly of all, someone even offered us their seat on the tube.

 

You must have accidentally gone somewhere else.

[brad93]

Well just got back from a few days in London. Couldn’t figure out the tube map at the station, turns out it didn’t have all the stations on it, luckily a local actually helped us so +1 point to London!

Then we went to TGI Fridays, they put us on a tiny table under a spotlight that was boiling us to death so before we ordered we requested to move tables, which they refused to do for us even though there was a million tables. Ended up getting up and leaving whilst making a scene -10 points to London.

Luckily Wagamama’s were great and saved the night. Overall most people were nice, the only people we got annoyed with were French or from another European country, they just stop dead in their tracks in front of you or completely block paths. Also the moped riders around there are mental.