Fozzie Posted May 10 Share Posted May 10 Got a rant today, and it's about pressure to have kids. Recently, it feels like everyone I know is suddenly having them. Similar happened in my early 20s, with many of those kids now into their teen years. I'm guessing now in my mid-30's it's to be expected as the clock is ticking. But there's been this sudden uptick in pressure. Every time I go away on a holiday with my girlfriend, I usually get asked by at least one person if I'm popping the question, or squeezing in a holiday before trying for kids. And you'd think after 5 years, they'd get the hint. Which is, if I'm going to do it, I'll do it when I'm good and ready, and I probably won't tell them ahead of this point. My parents make comments as their friends get grandkids, which I understand more. Found out I was on the end of some gossip where someone suggested I might be stringing my good lady along with no real intention. Or that I could do what others they'd heard had done, run down the clock and change my mind last minute, and run back to single life. They just can't get their heads around why I don't want a screaming baby just yet. It didn't bother me too much being on the end of some gossip as most groups have some light form of it or another, but it made me cringe a lot as it's quickly reaching the level of conspiracy, and they know from my history that for a few years I declared I'd never have kids. I used to think it was just girls who got this kind of flack, but apparently having a plan to buy a house, get settled, have a couple more holidays before we go down that route is a highly suspicious move to some... Seems like it is mentioned every week or two. I've hidden the fact I moved from a Ford Fiesta ST to a Kia Xceed recently as when I told a co-worker, he seemed genuinely perplexed that no baby was imminent, so I'm trying to keep the heat off. Less of a rant, more of a ramble, does anyone else have this? Or has anyone else had this in the past? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S-Westerly Posted May 10 Share Posted May 10 (edited) Not really and we had kids young which meant we were relatively young grandparents. I'd never pressurise anyone to have kids though as it's a personal choice and not everyone wants to be a parent. It's bloody hard work for a start - why do you think I buggered off to sea? 1 hour ago, Fozzie said: Got a rant today, and it's about pressure to have kids. Recently, it feels like everyone I know is suddenly having them. Similar happened in my early 20s, with many of those kids now into their teen years. I'm guessing now in my mid-30's it's to be expected as the clock is ticking. But there's been this sudden uptick in pressure. Every time I go away on a holiday with my girlfriend, I usually get asked by at least one person if I'm popping the question, or squeezing in a holiday before trying for kids. And you'd think after 5 years, they'd get the hint. Which is, if I'm going to do it, I'll do it when I'm good and ready, and I probably won't tell them ahead of this point. My parents make comments as their friends get grandkids, which I understand more. Found out I was on the end of some gossip where someone suggested I might be stringing my good lady along with no real intention. Or that I could do what others they'd heard had done, run down the clock and change my mind last minute, and run back to single life. They just can't get their heads around why I don't want a screaming baby just yet. It didn't bother me too much being on the end of some gossip as most groups have some light form of it or another, but it made me cringe a lot as it's quickly reaching the level of conspiracy, and they know from my history that for a few years I declared I'd never have kids. I used to think it was just girls who got this kind of flack, but apparently having a plan to buy a house, get settled, have a couple more holidays before we go down that route is a highly suspicious move to some... Seems like it is mentioned every week or two. I've hidden the fact I moved from a Ford Fiesta ST to a Kia Xceed recently as when I told a co-worker, he seemed genuinely perplexed that no baby was imminent, so I'm trying to keep the heat off. Less of a rant, more of a ramble, does anyone else have this? Or has anyone else had this in the past? Edited May 10 by S-Westerly 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlylegend Posted May 10 Share Posted May 10 1 hour ago, Fozzie said: They just can't get their heads around why I don't want a screaming baby just yet. They don't all scream. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simon Davey Posted May 10 Share Posted May 10 Not had this problem, as I was never as well planned as you. Marriage and children should only be the concern of you and your girlfriend. Discuss your concerns with her, and between the two of you, think of an answer to give people, then you can speak loud and clear, and those "regulars" will get the message. If you both decide you'll have kids when you're good and ready, then you can both make that message heard. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RideWithStyles Posted May 11 Share Posted May 11 (edited) s Edited May 14 by RideWithStyles autocorrect 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fozzie Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 On 10/05/2024 at 21:32, S-Westerly said: Not really and we had kids young which meant we were relatively young grandparents. I'd never pressurise anyone to have kids though as it's a personal choice and not everyone wants to be a parent. It's bloody hard work for a start - why do you think I buggered off to sea? I could do with a change of career! On 10/05/2024 at 22:14, Simon Davey said: Not had this problem, as I was never as well planned as you. Marriage and children should only be the concern of you and your girlfriend. Discuss your concerns with her, and between the two of you, think of an answer to give people, then you can speak loud and clear, and those "regulars" will get the message. If you both decide you'll have kids when you're good and ready, then you can both make that message heard. Being planned is a fairly recent thing, and mostly a credit to my girlfriend who has known since she was 18 roughly when she wanted kids I on the other hand just said I was a hard no to previous dates/partners as I was living in London with a plan to move back to Manchester when able, and knew there was a fair chance the partner wouldn't want to come, and that would be that. The only time I did agree, I asked for 5 years, but after 1 the partner reneged on the agreement. My girlfriend gave me a year when we got together to decide if I wanted kids, as if not, she was off. I agreed, but due to covid and the housing prices rocketing in 2022 (even in a nearly paid off flat, the area around me borders inaccessible for even a small house), followed by the recent interest rate hikes, it's been a triple whammy of shit. And this group that gossiped knew all this as I've had at least one ramble about it in front of them. But maybe they just ran out of things to go on about. Or were bored. My girlfriend thinks I shouldn't say anything, so to here I came! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlylegend Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 11 hours ago, Fozzie said: But maybe they just ran out of things to go on about. Or were bored. My girlfriend thinks I shouldn't say anything, so to here I came! There's always a manly shoulder here to lean on ..... am I allowed to say things like that now ? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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