Your worst joke!!!

[puggybear]

Did you hear about the confused cat?

...it had a crap,then buried itself...

[Joeman]

While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.

Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house.

I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got her a Killian's she didn't like that either, so I drank it.

Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it.

I thought maybe she'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope!

In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfidich. The bar's finest scotch. She wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it!

By the time I realized she just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!

[Mawsley]

Harp?

Has that joke come directly from the 70s?

[puggybear]

We all went out for a curry last night,at our local Indian restaurant.

My mate tripped and whacked his head on the tiled floor.

...he's now in a korma.

[Guest]

Why aren't there any aspirins in the jungle?

'Cos the parrots eat 'em all.......

I'll get me coat.....,.

[Six30]

Why aren't there any aspirins in the jungle?

'Cos the parrots eat 'em all.......

I'll get me coat.....,.

 

Put that coat on a keep walking ..

[Joeman]

[Six30]

Just £3 will buy food and water for a family in Africa ..... but don't let your heart rule your head , Morrisons are doing 4 Stella for £2.99.

[Six30]

I just set up an Alzheimer's awareness forum that gets advertising revenue from the forgotten password page...

[Six30]

Fella goes to a psychiatrist , he said I think I've got a problem, I think I'm gay , I got 3 brothers that are gay ,2 step brothers that are gay , 6 male cousins that are gay and my dad and grandad have gay tendencies , the psychiatrist said Jesus Christ is there any one in your family that like women ? Fella says yeh.. me sister.

[Joeman]

I just tried phoning the tinnitus helpline. They told me to leave a message after the tone.

bast*rds!

[Stu]

My mate said, "I like your bike."

I said,"It's not very practical now we've got a baby."

He said, "How about I buy it off you."

I said,"Yeah go on then. Three grand?"

He said, "You've got yourself a deal."

I said, "Nice one... you're going to make a brilliant dad."

[Six30]

Went to a temporary tattoo shop yesterday , woke up this morning and the tattoo wouldn't wash off, so I went back to complain .... when I got there the shop was gone

[Six30]

As I was led away in handcuffs to the police car my mum shouted " it's all my fault Darren , I've not been a good mother , I'm so sorry Darren "

"My names Dave mum .... my names Dave ! "

[fastbob]

What's brown and sticky ? ....a stick.

[Guest]

Oh dear God, let it end now.........

[Guest]

What do trees wear at pool parties?

Swimming trunks

[Guest]

Just "leave" now.

[Guest]

Do you want a brief explanation of an acorn?

In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.

What type of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree.

[LifeofPhil]

Good to see we are branching out on our tree puns

[Joeman]

Leaf it out wood yew, those are rotten tree jokes

[Guest]

I thought they would be more poplar

[MR_W]

Stop it or I'll call the copse.

[Guest]

Stop it or I'll call the copse.

 

you pining for a root beer or something?

[Guest]

what do you call a house that's under water?

The inevitable consequence of climate change.