No, you're absolutely right - it's a private members club that sets its own rules, and standards must be maintained. I will just have to accept that in the eyes of the committee, turning up in jeans would rank me far below the more acceptably attired wife-beater and child-abuser, and that I would be a complete embarrassment to the father-in-law. It's a bit like Goebbels being excommunicated by the Catholic Church: they were pretty laid back about his involvement in the Final Solution, but as soon as he married a Protestant they kicked him out. Standards must be upheld! Sounds like a delightful chap! Seems like your issue isn't really with the dress code request, If he was a normal nice bloke there would be no reason at all to get upset with what he's asked.