Baldrick

My mate went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back. Half way through he said, "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand." The tattooist said "For f**k sake, give us a chance mate, I've only just finished his turban!"

N R A T.

Happened right in front of us, a complete loss of power by Ellison apparently, lucky to walk away from it, very lucky Haslam's bike went over the barrier if you ask me. Wouldn't fancy that chasing me down the track while I was bouncing along on my arse.

This stuff is superb, I wouldn't fancy his chances of getting them off again though, at least not in 1 piece.

He should be ok doing that as long as he has Pukka ABS.

Don't overlook the bike shows, a lot of the big retailers have stalls at them with some great "Show only" Deals on offer. Of course it's only of use if you're not in a great rush to buy and can wait for a show near enough to you.

Looks a great route that does Pip, is the route planner easy to get onto the sat nav? I have a Garmin, how do you transfer it to the Sat Nav?

Me and my mate got into an argument with some right hard looking blokes in the pub the other night. He whispered to me "Let's pretend we're the police, that'll scare them off" Long story short, they kicked the living shit out of us before we'd even finished the first verse of "Roxanne"

I find sizes can be a bit vague sometimes, one make in a size 11 can be too big and another by a different manufacturer too tight, I always go and try them on, J&S have plenty in stock to gauge which size is best for you. You can always then go and look for them cheaper online.

Move your wallet into your left side pocket.

The only problem with them is they only do 31" length, being a lanky git it'd mean they'd be half mast on me.

Blasphemy. Theyre faster in green as well.

Top bike mate, glad to see it's green as well, Kwaks always look better in green.

I remember back in the 70's and early 80's petrol stations had machines that did this, a bit like the air compressors they have now, you put 50p in and it sucked the oil out from the dipstick tube, then you just filled it back up with oil from the petrol station. Dead quick and easy oil changes. Never tried it on my bike though. And yes, I realise my reminiscing in no way helps you in your quest, and for this I apologise unreservedly.

I decided to make the most of weather today and head out with a mate to Devils Bridge for a burger and a brew, cracking day out, the sun was beating down, the roads seemed devoid of idiots and numpties for a change and Bikes were plentiful. It was absolutely rammed at DB as you can see by the photos. We decided to head over to Settle for an Ice cream and because it was just too nice to go home, Settle was busy as well, everyone was happy. Ready to go. http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u435/themightygoz/IMG_1429.jpg Devils bridge. http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u435/themightygoz/IMG_1430.jpg http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u435/themightygoz/IMG_1431.jpg http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u435/themightygoz/IMG_1432.jpg And one from Settle. http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u435/themightygoz/IMG_1433.jpg So what did you all do with the glorious sunshine today?

That's a belter pip.

I took a girl with Rickets home last night. Cracking legs.

Not sure which one of them is worse to be honest.

I'd see if it can be repaired before buying a new tyre.

Practice is the key, try taking it to an empty car park or somewhere devoid of any other traffic and just ride it round and round stopping and starting over and over again. Confidence is a big thing when you're starting out and if you're struggling then you need to build confidence in both the bike and yourself. Don't give up though, with a couple of weeks of practice you will get much better. You can always book a couple of lessons with a local riding school where you can use your own bike instead of one of theirs, extra tuition is never a bad thing don't be embarrassed about going back for lessons, many do it and the benefits are well worth it.

This is true, and there are so many sped traps these days it's a risky business going hell for leather. All the best biking roads have cameras on them in the summer, go to Devils bridge and guaranteed there's a mobile camera somewhere along the route, same in North Wales, Matlock, Long Hill, take your pick they all have them. I personally never speed, honestly officer.

Luckily my neighbours on both sides of me are as deaf as posts so I get no hassle from them. I'd be tempted to tell them where to go if I had your neighbours, even if you do your best to keep quiet they will still moan, some folks are just like that.

This is mine (if the link works)

I'm not sure you can do that as by taking the hit you're basically admitting guilt so it would be difficult to contest afterwards.