Oh I completely understand why people love their pets; my issue is with people who can't understand why I don't love them. If I greeted visitors to my house by leaping on them stark naked, clawing at their clothes whilst slobbering and rubbing my dick all over them they'd probably have something to say about it. But fail to show unbridled joy when their dog does it to you and you're instantly a pariah. Then there's the overwhelming urge to vomit into the aspidistra as you watch them kiss their dog on the nose or let it lick their face. And God help you if you've got young kids and ever move to intercept one of the bloody things as it comes barrelling towards you. I recently saw a toddler and his parents absolutely terrified in our local park as a huge dog came hurtling at them. The father instinctively stuck his foot out to try to fend it off, at which point the owner (who was under the common delusion that "It's OK - he's friendly" makes it all alright) went completely mental, accusing him of animal cruelty despite the fact that his dog clearly ran into the guy's foot rather than it having been kicked. He turned to me for support, and got none whatsoever. Plus around here there's also the twice-daily delight of the turd-strewn walk to school with the kids, the relentless yapping or barking at anything and everything all hours of the day and night, the pissing up the side of my car... And then there are cat lovers. Not the normal people who just happen to have a cat (in my case because I think it's good for kids to learn how to look after a pet) but the socially maladjusted who talk to the bloody things as though they can understand (hint: they can't - it just makes you look deranged) or who bore the shite out of you with interminably tedious stories about their antics, or show you endless photographs of the sodding things the same way new parents show pictures of their babies. And then there's that special moment when you discover that the person whose house you've been eating at for years lets the cat sit on the kitchen work surface, which is fine apparently, because Mr f*cking Snuggles or whatever the bloody thing is called is 'one of the family'. Pets can obviously be good company for the elderly, but for anyone who is not elderly and who thinks that the relationship they have with their pet is a suitable and sufficient surrogate for human interaction, I'm sorry, but the problem is with you, not with the rest of us. And as for horses... Jesus! One of our senior managers has a riding stables, and regularly regales me with anecdotes about how intelligent they are. They're not. Horses are f*cking stupid. They've produced nothing in the way of literature, and such art as they have produced (when encouraged so to do by their demented owners) would be considered simplistic and excremental even by Cy Twombly's low standards. On the other hand, having eaten them a few times I can attest to their being quite tasty. they are an animal that lets other animals ride on their backs enough said