You dirty rat...

[TimR]

Rat on a stick ...CmTd

[rennie]

We have a big problem with rats at work!

We use the best known rodent control company,

they've failed miserably!

Apart from making me jump occasionally they don't bother me that much

An even bigger problem is pigeons! nasty dirty things!

all our cranes, ladders, outside filters etc. are covered in shit!

 

1 of the filters mentioned above caught fire on friday!

That's one way of getting rid of a few pigeons!

[MarkW]

UPDATE:

Having baited up a couple of likely looking spots around the outside of the warehouse with peanut butter for a few nights and finding it all gone by the next morning, I turned up with the air rifle on Sunday evening ready to give Mr Ratty some lead for pudding. I settled myself in to a perfect sniping position and waited. And waited...

And then one of the fattest hedgehogs I've ever seen made a direct route from bait station to bait station, hoovering up all the feed before buggering off into the field. As I sat there in disbelief, Ratty popped out of the undergrowth, ambled right past me and was gone before I could even take aim.

Just for good measure he set the warehouse intruder alarm off again at 02.30h this morning, just to remind me that he's still around.

[Bender]

Got to keep an eye on them Hoggs sneaky little things, glad you didn't shoot Mrs tiddlywinks

[Hoggs]

Got to keep an eye on them Hoggs sneaky little things, glad you didn't shoot Mrs tiddlywinks

 

Oi! ....nah it's a fair point carry on

[cockercas]

UPDATE:

Having baited up a couple of likely looking spots around the outside of the warehouse with peanut butter for a few nights and finding it all gone by the next morning, I turned up with the air rifle on Sunday evening ready to give Mr Ratty some lead for pudding. I settled myself in to a perfect sniping position and waited. And waited...

And then one of the fattest hedgehogs I've ever seen made a direct route from bait station to bait station, hoovering up all the feed before buggering off into the field. As I sat there in disbelief, Ratty popped out of the undergrowth, ambled right past me and was gone before I could even take aim.

Just for good measure he set the warehouse intruder alarm off again at 02.30h this morning, just to remind me that he's still around.

 

Stick the peanut butter ontop of a bucket or a pile of bricks.

The rat will still get it but the headgehog wont.

[MarkW]

Last night I went out for another crack at Mr Ratty.

Half way along one of their well-traveled runs they have to cross a large and exposed concrete pad. My plan was to bait it up with a few tasty looking items and use the boot of the XC90 with the tailgate down as a sniping platform. Shortly before dusk I had quietly backed myself into position about 20 yards away, dropped the back seats flat to make a large area to shoot from, and settled down for the evening.

About 45 minutes later there was the first sign of rat activity, and I adjusted my position to get a better view through the scope. As I did, I rolled onto the remote in my trouser pocket, and the quiet was broken by a loud clunk as the central locking bolted all the doors. Cautiously I peered through the scope, but fortunately the rats seemed unfazed. They remained unfazed for about three seconds, which is how long it took for my presence in the now locked car to set off the alarm. The ear-splitting siren and flashing orange lights had them scarpering for cover in an instant. Bollocks.

It was twenty minutes before there were any further signs of activity. By now it was properly dark, and I realised that the interior lights hadn't gone off. Not only was I lit up like a Christmas tree, but the decrepit battery in the equally decrepit car was at risk of going flat. The only solution was to pull the fuse. Carefully inching towards one of the rear doors I pulled the handle as quietly as I could, and realised that I couldn't get out because I hadn't disabled the child locks. Setting the rifle aside, I cautiously clambered out of the boot, being careful not to make any loud noises or sudden movements that would give my presence away. Unfortunately I forgot just how low the boot door is when you're kneeling on the tailgate, smacked my head on it with a reverberating bang and promptly fell out sideways onto the grass. The back of an XC90 may not look very high, but I can tell you that falling out of one in the pitch darkness and landing on your shoulder comes a bit keen.

I finally located the fuse for the interior lights, and pulled it. Unfortunately, the only light it didn't extinguish was the one in the boot door above where I would be lying. In desperation, I decided to pull the bulb out. By this time it had been illuminated for well over an hour, and there was more bad language as I burned my fingers.

By this time I was properly fed up. Just then a large rat stopped on the concrete to inspect the bait, I floated the crosshairs over his head with perfect aim and squeezed the trigger. Nothing. Having forgotten to cock the bloody thing, I quickly did so, which gave ratty enough time to saunter off. As I lay there contemplating the sheer incompetence and ineptitude of the whole operation, an even bigger rat appeared. No cock-ups this time, and a second later he was an ex-rat.

I decided that was victory enough for one day, and after bagging and binning the corpse (horrible thing it was too - big, remarkably solid and with huge orange teeth) I packed up and went home. I think I'll leave it a day or two before coming back for the others.

[JRH]

Brilliant

[Rodders]

[mention]MarkW[/mention] great little write up there, I can see that story doing the rounds on social media. Get famous, make your millions.

[Topper]

Fantastic

[mikestrivens]

Sell the rights to Hollywood. Or perhaps it would be suitable for an Ealing comedy.

[Hoggs]

I have some though on who can play the rat

[MarkW]

Mixed results again this evening: I zapped loads of rats, but then as I was getting ready to leave I reversed into a wall on the car park and knocked half of it down. Buggeration...

[Topper]

OMG! Mark

you are a walking disaster man

and they let you loose with a loaded gun too................Jesus H We are doomed captain mannering

[Guest]

Can I come work for you? It sounds like it would be bloody brilliant.

[MarkW]

To be fair, it was a very tight spot because a load of skips and shipping containers have been moved around on the car park temporarily whilst new tarmac is being laid. That in turn has blocked both the floodlights, meaning the entire area is pitch black, and my reversing sensors don't work! I barely even touched the wall - there isn't a scratch on the car - but the bloody thing went straight down.

[MarkW]

Can I come work for you? It sounds like it would be bloody brilliant.

 

When can you start? You'll have to pass a rigorous selection process first though, which entails us offering you a cup of tea and then weeding out anyone who asks for Earl Grey, or any similar poncy southern muck.

Edited August 26, 2018 by MarkW

[Guest]

Can I come work for you? It sounds like it would be bloody brilliant.

 

When can you start? You'll have to pass a rigorous selection process first though, which entails us offering you a cup of tea and us weeding out anyone who asks for Early Grey, or any similar poncy southern muck.

 

I need to give a months notice and I bloody hate earl grey, but I do still think loose leaf is better than a bag. I'm also willing to get a Jack Russell and watch it kill rats.

[mikestrivens]

You could use the number of rats killed as the main selection criteria

[rennie]

We're going to Hameln next month

[MarkW]

By the time I started bagging the rats up for disposal last night rigor mortis had set in to some of the early victims. They were as stiff as boards!

[MarkW]

OMG! Mark

you are a walking disaster man

and they let you loose with a loaded gun too................Jesus H We are doomed captain mannering

 

I must admit, this is how I felt when I told my wife...

 

[Six30]

Lucky you didn't flatten battery on your car and have to get a bus home ....

[Topper]

[MarkW]

I turned up at the lab yesterday to find that the guy in the adjacent building had thought that one of his lads had knocked the wall down whilst moving containers around, and had not only cleared it all away but had a builder on site to price up the repairs! He's a top bloke - he runs a security company and has turned the whole site into Fort Knox at no cost to us. I fessed up, and after assessing the damage and swapping ratting tactics over a brew we were all set for the repairs to be completed by Wednesday. How efficient is that?