Dating disaster - help needed!

[MarkW]

I've been at a conference for the last few days, and this evening I've taken myself off for a quiet dinner alone for a bit of a break.

On the table next to me is a bloke about my age and his date. It's pretty obvious from their conversation that this is their first date, and it's not going well. Right now she's got a glazed look in her eyes as he bores her shitless about his trip to Japan and the intricacies of their culture. As I'm typing this he is showing her a video of himself eating Japanese food to a running commentary so dull that it would make a description of his bowel habits sound riveting in comparison. I feel so sorry for the woman sitting opposite him: she must have been really excited about this evening, and it's turned out to be about as romantic as a trip to the gynaecologist.

Sooner or later she'll get up to go to the toilet, at which point I'll have an opportunity to give him some advice on how to turn things around, straight from the good folks of TMBF.

Over to you...

[dynax]

Grab him by the throat, slap him around the face a few times, tell him to stop talking bollox, tell him that the evening should be about him, trying to make her feel the most important person on the planet, and if he doesn't listen, give her the number of the Samaritans, coz she will need it

[Stu]

I think we need a pic of her first to decide whether she is worth it or not

[Guest Richzx6r]

Yea I agree, on scale 1 to 10?

[brad93]

Steal his girl!

[skyrider]

I would go with that

[MarkW]

I think we need a pic of her first to decide whether she is worth it or not

 

[mention]Six30[/mention] - have you hacked Stu's account?

[MarkW]

Oh dear... I kid you not, he is now showing her a Google map of his local National Trust site and pointing out the best places to see nuthatches.

[dynax]

Tell a waiter to accidentally on purpose, tip a glass of something in his lap, coz the sooner he goes home the better

[winston smith]

...... So I'm out on a date with this really hot chick, wowing her with details of my trip to Japan ( cos it's really expensive there and she'll think I'm loaded)

And then some small talk about woodland birds cos chicks always fall for a guy who likes soft fluffy animals.

Anyway, I popped to the loo and quickly checked for anything new on TMBF to find you lot discussing my date. How embarrassing !!

Ok, you got me, I'm just trying to raise some laughs while sat in my truck at Frankly Services

[Mr Fro]

I think we need a pic of her first to decide whether she is worth it or not

 

Yeah [mention]MarkW[/mention], we need pictures.

Zero points for subtlety, maximum points for using the Japanese tourist approach.

[Arwen]

I think we need a pic of her first to decide whether she is worth it or not

 

We need a picture of him too... For the same reasons

[Bender]

Tell him to shut the f**k up and let her talk.

[Stu]

I think we need a pic of her first to decide whether she is worth it or not

 

We need a picture of him too... For the same reasons

 

I think he should just get a selfie with them both!

[mention]MarkW[/mention] are you going to accept the challenge

[Fozzie]

Was his tone one of enthusiasm? Or was he just overly impressed with himself for going to Japan? This determines whether he deserves help, or should just be left to stuff it up

[JackieOWheels]

The fact there is no update from @MarkW from last night means he has either stolen the girl off said bloke or he is still partying with them and hasn't had the chance to update us.

[BIKERDAD]

The fact there is no update from @MarkW from last night means he has either stolen the girl off said bloke or he is still partying with them and hasn't had the chance to update us.

 

No that's not what happened he was still going on about his trip to Japan while eating his puffer fish sushi when he dropped it in his sauce and a splashed a little bit on his forehead he just gave a small laugh and licked his forhead with his tongue she screamed CHECK PLZ NOW RIGHT FECKING NOW and they left....

[Gerontious]

This is why I never eat in a Wimpy.

[Westbeef]

Are you sure it's not you? His conversation sounds remarkably like one of your posts

[anth_85]

poor show from the OP, onto the second page now and no pic

[Guest Richzx6r]

That and we haven't yet got on to the subject of religion or biscuits yet

[Fozzie]

I'm feeling like we need a "Worst 1st Dates" thread

[Beansie]

After reading the first page I was excited for page 2 expecting some photos or further update but now I feel robbed

[dynax]

I am now seeking legal advice, after suffering mental and emotional trauma, the op will be contacted in due course, to a settlement, regarding this unnecessary pain and upset, due to not providing, the afore mentioned photo requests, in previous posts on this subject, due to the negligent behaviour of the op, i have been advised by my doctor, to listen to a looped recording, of " My heart will go on ", by Celine Dion, in an attempt to regain some emotional stability in my life, i shall of course, keep members updated on my health situation, and if the worst should happen, i have made provision of my wishes, in my last will and testament, thank you, now where is that recording

[Mr Fro]

I am now seeking legal advice, after suffering mental and emotional trauma, the op will be contacted in due course, to a settlement, regarding this unnecessary pain and upset, due to not providing, the afore mentioned photo requests, in previous posts on this subject, due to the negligent behaviour of the op, i have been advised by my doctor, to listen to a looped recording, of " My heart will go on ", by Celine Dion, in an attempt to regain some emotional stability in my life, i shall of course, keep members updated on my health situation, and if the worst should happen, i have made provision of my wishes, in my last will and testament, thank you, now where is that recording

 

F*ck me, I want compensation for your excessive comma usage.