Your worst joke!!!

[Boothy]

boothy. religion is not a joke.

millions of people have been massacred over the millenia

 

Which is why it's such a bad joke.

[Phooey]

Archeologists have just uncovered the first lesbian dinosaur. They have named it Licalotopuss.

Next to her was the first gay dinosaur: Megasorass.

[Tango]

An American guy is having a meal in a restaurant in Spain when he looks across at one of the other diners. The other diner has 2 large round things on his plate and is tucking into them with gusto.....obviously enjoying his meal. The American is intrigued and calls the waiter across.

"What's that the guy over there is eating?" he enquires.

The waiter replies "they are bulls testicals sir"

"say what!!" exclaims the American.

"Yes sir, after the Bull Fight the victor removes the testicles of the vanquished and they are brought here to our restaurant by fast runner, where they are prepared and cooked in the traditional way. They are a great delicacy and are much sought after!"

"Well" says the American "bring me some of those"

"I'm sorry sir" replies the waiter "these are much sought after, and you need to reserve them in advance of the Bull Fight"

"when's the next Bull Fight?" asks the American.

"Next Thursday" replies the waiter.

"well, I want to reserve some of those for next thursday" demands the American

"Very well sir" says the waiter " but they are very expensive"

"Hey Mack" shouts the American "I'm from Texas. I don't care what they cost!!"

"Very well sir, I shall reserve a table for you for next Thursday then"

Thursday arrives and the American sits down at the table. The waiter comes out with the dish and with great flourish presents the American with the plate.

There are 2 small balls on the plate.

The American is incensed.

"These are tiny" he roars "the ones the guy had the other day were far larger than these. What the hell is going on here?"

Well sir" replies the waiter "sometimes the Bull wins!!"

[Tankbag]

My girlfriend and I went to see the new Batman film for our 9th date since we've been together. To summarise our dates so far we've had dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman...

[Smokin Joe]

Superman is flying through Metropolis when he sees Wonder Woman lying in the grass in the park, stark naked with her legs open. He thinks if he drops down at supersonic speed and gives her a quick one she'll never know who it was. So down he goes, has a lightening shag and then zooms off again.

"What the hell was that", cries Wonder woman.

"I Don't know, but my arse is killing me", says the Invisible man.

[acting_strange]

A little boy was sat on the pavement idly tossing a little bottle in the air and catching it.

The local vicar comes cycling along and stops to talk to the lad.

“What have you got in that bottle Johnny?” he says and the boy replies “Acid vicar”

The vicar takes a bottle of Holy water from his jacket and says I will swop you my bottle of holy water for your bottle of acid.

The little boy asks “what will the Holy water do then vicar?” who replies “if you rub this on your mummies tummy she will pass a baby”

The little boy thinks for a minute and says “that’s nothing vicar, if you rub this on a tom cat’s bollocks it will pass a motorbike”

[Tiggie]

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Ryan"

Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Ryan Jay Robinson. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Ryan Jay Robinson, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Ryan Jay Robinson. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Ryan Jay Robinson, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then." Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Ryan, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Ryan Jay Robinson."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Ryan. He died. I'm married to his widow."

[dieffe]

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb.............

two, but I don't know how they got in there.

[puggybear]

The Dalai Lama walks into Pizza Hut and says to the assistant "Make me one with everything".

[rennie]

Q. What have a Giraffe and a Refrigerator got in common?

A. Neither of them can play Space Invaders!

[puggybear]

I've been asked to be half of a pantomime horse this Christmas.

I'll do it-but I'll quit while I'm a head....

[Rad]

- I bought my wife a fur for £20k and she stopped talking to me for 2 week.

- Why? What happened?

- Nothing. That was the deal.

[puggybear]

I've just bought a painting by the much admired and revered Welsh artist,Vincent Van Gogogogoch!

[puggybear]

I said to my mate "It's been proved that 75% of males shove a finger up their arse when in the shower-guess what the other 25% do?"

"Dunno",he said,"What?"

"Eww! Don't even THINK of asking me to sniff your finger!""

[acting_strange]

My missus asked me to buy her an animal skin coat for christmas...

So I bought her a donkey jacket...

[Glorian]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

[Grumpy Old Git]

Why would he walk into a bra? A rab I can understand, but not a bra.

[Glorian]

Based on the "A man walks into a bar" jokes He walks into a bra! It's a joke it doesnt need to make sense!

[Smokin Joe]

Based on the "A man walks into a bar" jokes He walks into a bra! It's a joke it doesnt need to make sense!

 

Sorry, I don't get it at all. Can you explain?

[Tango]

Paddy rushes into a florists, "I want a bunch of flowers"

The florist asks "What are you looking for, sir?"

"A shag!" Replies paddy.

[Guest]

What do you call a ginger prostitute?

Orange pay as you go.

[Grumpy Old Git]

Based on the "A man walks into a bar" jokes He walks into a bra! It's a joke it doesnt need to make sense!

 

Sorry, I don't get it at all. Can you explain?

 

I think he meant to say 'RAB'.

[Glorian]

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bra

They sound similar! it is ze joke you see? ho ho hoh ho

[Grumpy Old Git]

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bra

They sound similar! it is ze joke you see? ho ho hoh ho

 

But 'A man walks into a Rab' sounds different - Surely that is the joke? Otherwise why not just say that 'A bar was walked into by a nam'?

[Smokin Joe]

An arb walks into an amn.