Stu Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 summed up nicely https://www.facebook.com/HDNaturePic/videos/1964954300401351/sound is a must Quote
Stu Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Dyslexic Cinderella!!https://www.facebook.com/LADbible/videos/750158815031311/ Quote
Picollus Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he saw a lawyer making passionate love to a beautiful woman. "What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting Satan snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?" Quote
Stu Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do."Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" the startled husband asked."Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus." Quote
Six30 Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 The police came to my door today holding a picture of my wife. 'Is this your wife sir?' the copper asked. 'Yes' I answered. I'm afraid it looks like shes been run over by a bus' he said. 'I know, but she takes it up the arse and is great with the kids ". Quote
Baldrick Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagramSon: Thanks dad Dad: No problem Alan Quote
Baldrick Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 "Palestine model shot dead in Israel" I hope it was Wallace, coz I really like Gromit. Quote
Stu Posted June 26, 2017 Posted June 26, 2017 I have tried watching the Harry Potter films but they seem a bit far fetched for me! I mean how many ginger kids do you know that has two friends! Quote
Guest Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Man says to his wife, "Why don't you tell me when you orgasm?", she replies "I don't like ringing you when you're at work" Quote
Westbeef Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Property prices in London are going absolutely mental.Some daft old bint has just paid £1bn for a house on Downing Street. Quote
Hoggs Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "... Quote
Tango Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 My bike started making strange noises.......Every time I start it a voice starts telling me to repent and that I'm a sinner! I was at my wits end, so I took it to the garage and they had a listen.......apparently there's a problem with the Catholic converter! Quote
Mawsley Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 My bike started making strange noises.......Every time I start it a voice starts telling me to repent and that I'm a sinner! I was at my wits end, so I took it to the garage and they had a listen.......apparently there's a problem with the Catholic converter! https://youtu.be/NpYEJx7PkWE Quote
old-timer Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 IMG_0515.JPG Turning Mawsley's nightmare into a dream situation... Quote
old-timer Posted July 6, 2017 Posted July 6, 2017 "Hit me, hit me please", the masochist pleaded."No", said the sadist. Quote
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