Mr Fro Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 My other half got a "speed awareness" letter from the police courtesy of those elderly wombles who wave speed cameras about. You know the ones - self-righteous, nothing better to do, arsewipes, etc...It said she was doing 39mph in a 30. The thing is, it was taken at the end of our road, 65 meters from our house first thing in the morning (I just measured it). Given that hand held cameras have a minimum working distance of 25 meters means she would have had to go from 0-39mph in 40 meters. The maths says her 0-60 time would therefore be a little over 7 seconds. The book value for her car (sporty Astra) is 9.6 seconds.Clearly they have f**ked up with their procedure, calibration or perhaps they are just incompetent nobs. Either way, I'm going to have a little bit of fun with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six30 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Woops... Saw this at my local B &Q few weeks back, probably a woman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glorian Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 My other half got a "speed awareness" letter from the police courtesy of those elderly wombles who wave speed cameras about. You know the ones - self-righteous, nothing better to do, arsewipes, etc...It said she was doing 39mph in a 30. The thing is, it was taken at the end of our road, 65 meters from our house first thing in the morning (I just measured it). Given that hand held cameras have a minimum working distance of 25 meters means she would have had to go from 0-39mph in 40 meters. The maths says her 0-60 time would therefore be a little over 7 seconds. The book value for her car (sporty Astra) is 9.6 seconds.Clearly they have f**ked up with their procedure, calibration or perhaps they are just incompetent nobs. Either way, I'm going to have a little bit of fun with it. *jessie pinkman voice* YEAH BITCH! MATHS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DannyD91 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 The little blonde girl driving Daddys mercedes who when turning right out of a road only looks left! Scares the shit out of me as she pulls out (fingers on horn) she then slams on her brakes looks at me giggles and laughs and just drives off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soll Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Is me!!!did the usual as i do every morning, get up get dressed go outside, unchain the bike, start it up, go inside kiss the missus, put helmet on and the get on the bike and ride off to work.......except for today...where i missed the following stage "unchain the bike" normally chain bike to the pillion foot restbike moved 2 foot, stopped fell over and exhaust plastic shroud is no longer attached and the rear brake pedal is not its usual shape.SO today I am that knob. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Fro Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Is me!!!did the usual as i do every morning, get up get dressed go outside, unchain the bike, start it up, go inside kiss the missus, put helmet on and the get on the bike and ride off to work.......except for today...where i missed the following stage "unchain the bike" normally chain bike to the pillion foot restbike moved 2 foot, stopped fell over and exhaust plastic shroud is no longer attached and the rear brake pedal is not its usual shape.SO today I am that knob.Better get a new bike then mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soll Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Is me!!!did the usual as i do every morning, get up get dressed go outside, unchain the bike, start it up, go inside kiss the missus, put helmet on and the get on the bike and ride off to work.......except for today...where i missed the following stage "unchain the bike" normally chain bike to the pillion foot restbike moved 2 foot, stopped fell over and exhaust plastic shroud is no longer attached and the rear brake pedal is not its usual shape.SO today I am that knob.Better get a new bike then mate. nah prideis more damaged than the bike, brake pedal is already reshaped and have enquired about the exhaust shroud...already looking for an upgrade Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Fro Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I was out the back yesterday cleaning my bike (which is nothing short of a miracle in itself) when one of the neighbour's friends shows up in a brand spanking new, devils-bollocks-red Ferrari. The middle aged chap heaved himself out and the conversation went like this:Him: Are you the new bloke then?Me: Yep, how's it going?Him: Oh yeah, great, just been out in the Ferrari.Me: Yeah, I saw you pull up. Looks pretty swish.Him: It's great; V12, *insert tedious statistics here*. Give your bike a run for it's money.Me: Nice. Sounds nippy - you might have to give it some to keep up though.Him: What? you reckon *that* could beat my Ferrrraaaaarrrrriiiii?!Me: Well, like I said, you'd have to give it the beans to make it interesting.Him: If you think you'd stand a chance then maybe we should test it out! (getting shirty now).Me: Yeah, okay. Snetterton is up the road, we could do a few laps some time.Him: What... On a track?Me: Of course! You have taken it on a track, right?Him: Well, err...Me: Okay. To make it fair, I'd use this one, not my race bike.Him: Race bike?Me: Yeah, that one. (nodding towards the back of the garage)Him: Oh, well, err... I'd better be getting inside, they'll be wondering where I've got to.Me: Okay mate, you know where I am if you fancy it.Him: Yeah, yeah... Bye then.He didn't take off his Ferrari sunnies the entire time even though there was no need for them. Nob. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpy Old Git Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Brilliant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glorian Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Want to go fast without spending £100k? Get a bike I out do all sports cars around the town on my £1900 bucket of bolts (when they don't fall off) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Fro Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I out do all sports cars around the town on my £1900 bucket of bolts (when they don't fall off)True, but they catch up when you stop to pick up the pieces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glorian Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I suppose i should be thankful it moves Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RantMachine Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Damn right you should! There are now two buggered GS's on my drive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fq-craigus Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Bikes ftw! A friend of mine has spent in the region of 120k on an evo 8 chasing quarter mile times and he bought a bike to use on the dragstrip cbr600rr and it is only a second off his car after some cheap mods. How cheesed off was he? Very! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joeman Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Damn right you should! There are now two buggered GS's on my drive Two?? Are they breeding?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RantMachine Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Sadly not, I'm sure that would be a nice little earner, could start a motorcycle organ harvesting operation...My other half has a GS500 which has been off the road for several months and needs a fair bit of love which quite frankly neither of us can be arsed to give it! Probably going to appear in the "for sale" section in the new future as a bargain project bike, just as soon as the V5 comes back from the change of address. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glorian Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Note to self.. Don't buy a GS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RantMachine Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Swear to god it took all the common sense I can muster to talk myself out of keeping it to tinker with Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Meg Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 NOTD goes to me. Although not today. I didn't keep a close enough check on how lose my chain was getting, knew I was needing a new one asap though - left it until it was around 4" too loose cause I wasn't paying enough attention D: AND didn't notice my closing cable for the accelerator was not working... Baby is better though.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cockercas Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I was out the back yesterday cleaning my bike (which is nothing short of a miracle in itself) when one of the neighbour's friends shows up in a brand spanking new, devils-bollocks-red Ferrari. The middle aged chap heaved himself out and the conversation went like this:Him: Are you the new bloke then?Me: Yep, how's it going?Him: Oh yeah, great, just been out in the Ferrari.Me: Yeah, I saw you pull up. Looks pretty swish.Him: It's great; V12, *insert tedious statistics here*. Give your bike a run for it's money.Me: Nice. Sounds nippy - you might have to give it some to keep up though.Him: What? you reckon *that* could beat my Ferrrraaaaarrrrriiiii?!Me: Well, like I said, you'd have to give it the beans to make it interesting.Him: If you think you'd stand a chance then maybe we should test it out! (getting shirty now).Me: Yeah, okay. Snetterton is up the road, we could do a few laps some time.Him: What... On a track?Me: Of course! You have taken it on a track, right?Him: Well, err...Me: Okay. To make it fair, I'd use this one, not my race bike.Him: Race bike?Me: Yeah, that one. (nodding towards the back of the garage)Him: Oh, well, err... I'd better be getting inside, they'll be wondering where I've got to.Me: Okay mate, you know where I am if you fancy it.Him: Yeah, yeah... Bye then.He didn't take off his Ferrari sunnies the entire time even though there was no need for them. Nob. A ferrari owner was once telling me he had been 150mph!!Really, ive been faster in a seat (leon, not a office chair) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Meg Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 To the little white van driver (you know those things the same size as a standard car)If you're going to be a moron and pull out on me on a round about when I'm on your entrance to roundabout, and you're moving off from a stand still... DO NOT GET PISSY WITH ME WHEN I YELL AT YOU! That emergency stop was fun D: not! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XmisterIS Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Not NOTD, more COTD (Clown Of The Day) ...I filtered up to the traffic lights in front of some tricked-out BMW Tractor (you know, one those stupid BMW 4x4 things) with blacked-out windows and a vanity plate.The dick face driver started beeping at me and revving the engine. Next thing I knew, he'd gone round the left-hand side of me (The lanes are particularly wide), and was suddenly squeezed in beside me, staring at me and mouthing off.I couldn't hear him, I had earplugs in and a helmet on with the visor down. Anyway, I looked at him long enough to see that not only does he drive a dickmobile, but he was also dressed like a giant shiny cock, wearing shades with designer baseball cap at a fashionable angle, gold necklace, etc. I thought, "Clown of the day!" then I ignored him and looked back at the road.Cue the lights changing and he *floored* it.I pretended I couldn't keep up - then just opened the throttle, and waved at him in a friendly manner once I'd gone past.He caught me up at the next set of lights and sat beside me again (he was in the left lane, I was in the right hand lane - he didn't squeeze in this time, we each had a lane to ourselves). He said nothing, didn't even look in my direction, just stared straight ahead. I felt I should ask him what it's like to know that his multi-thousand-£££££ dickmobile is slower than a ratty-looking SV650, but I decided to just let him stew in his own juices instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phooey Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I haven't joined in with this one for a while but today I feel I need to. And I want to thank my NOTD NOTD goes to the ar*ehole Audi TT driver this morning who kept slowing right down and as I positioned to overtake he would speed up again. No Idea why, he just thought it was amusing. I could see him laughing in his rear view mirror.After several of these episodes he was driving so slowly I dropped into 1st gear and got toally pissed off with it. I wrenched open the throttle and after about a millisecond (well it felt like it) I was past him and the bike was screaming with me shouting OMFG.I have NEVER opened her up like that in 1 st gear, EVER. I don't know where the revs went but after slowing somewhat they were still way above the usual 7k I ride atI don't know if he was shocked or impressed but he was way behind me now and made absolutely no attempt to chase.God, the exhilaration, the adrenalin, the need for clean underwear ... OK, one of those isn't true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eastanglianbiker Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 so the exhilaration was the not true part then Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Epic Earl Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 My NOTD goes to the little Toyota Yaris, whom got impatient when coming towards the end of a dual carriage way and its turning back into one lane.Decides to try and take two bikes and a van as the white arrows are telling you to get into one lane. ( we decided it was pushing it so held back behind the van until it was clear)I warned my mate he was coming via intercom and he bottles trying to get in front of my mate who was lead and decides to force his way in along side me!So I have to slow down to get behind him. Well quick blast of the throttle and I'm back in front of him again! C*ck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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