Your worst joke!!!

[Guest]

I'm worried something may be wrong with my testicles... One seems bigger than the others .

 

Mum ?

[Baldrick]

Me and my mate got into an argument with some right hard looking blokes in the pub the other night.

He whispered to me "Let's pretend we're the police, that'll scare them off"

Long story short, they kicked the living shit out of us before we'd even finished the first verse of "Roxanne"

[barker]

paddy got summoned into the office yes say paddy but look at how much he left sticking out of the gtound

the manager says how many lamp post s did you put up yesterday

6 says paddy

the others man managed 20

[Bhawk]

couldnt help it

[Six30]

paddy got summoned into the office yes say paddy but look at how much he left sticking out of the gtound

the manager says how many lamp post s did you put up yesterday

6 says paddy

the others man managed 20

 

Dont post jokes when drunk or stoned

[TimR]

paddy got summoned into the office yes say paddy but look at how much he left sticking out of the gtound

the manager says how many lamp post s did you put up yesterday

6 says paddy

the others man managed 20

 

Er may be better if the punchline was at the end

[old-timer]

paddy got summoned...etc.

 

Dont post jokes when drunk or stoned

 

Er may be better if the punchline was at the end

 

I say, nothing wrong here...

The thread is called "Your worst joke".

Well, you've got to admit it is the worst so far...

[Joeman]

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods. The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

[Bhawk]

A young man is in a pub, a big ugly woman comes behind him and grabs his arse while saying "Hey, wanna give me your number?"

To which he responds "Do you have a pen?"

"yes" she says.

"Well you better get back in it before the farmer finds you missing!"

[Bhawk]

Fresh from her shower, the wife stands in front of the mirror complaining to me that her breasts are too small.

Instead of telling her it's ok babe I love your little titties, I thought long and hard and came up with a suggestion.

''If you want your breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few minutes a day'' ...off she went to fetch a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take?"she asks,,,

They will grow larger over a period of years," I said very proudly.

She stopped instantly!!!.

"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

"Worked for your arse, didn't it?"

[Joeman]

A family walks into a hotel...

...and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled."

The guy at the desk replies, "It's just regular porn, you sick f**k."

[Martyn850]

What's the difference between a dog and a fox???

About 8 pints.....

[Joeman]

Why should you never wear Russian underpants?

Chernobyl fallout.

[Westbeef]

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off.

[old-timer]

Father and son bull are grazing in the upper meadow when they see the farmer drive the cows through the gate below.

Son, getting excited says: "c'mon dad , let's run and do one".

"No son", father says, "no... let's stroll and do them all"...

[Mawsley]

[Baldrick]

My mate went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back. Half way through he said, "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand." The tattooist said "For f**k sake, give us a chance mate, I've only just finished his turban!"

[Stu]

A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.

The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.

[Bigsime]

An Irish woman walks into the doctors and say "doctor I think i'm growing a penis i think it the steroids " the doctor replies anabolic? no just a penis.

[Bigsime]

A man walks into the chemist and asks do you stock viagra? yes we do sir, can i get it over the counter? I' sure you could if you take enough

[Bigsime]

The M1 and the M25 sitting in a pub having a drink when the door bursts open and in walks a tall thin strip of tarmac pushing chairs and tables out of the way, The M1 says to the M25 what ever you do don't say anything to him he's big trouble the M25 says why? the M1 replies he's a circlepath.

[Bigsime]

The M1 and the M25 sitting in a pub having a drink when the door bursts open and in walks a tall thin strip of tarmac pushing chairs and tables out of the way, The M1 says to the M25 what ever you do don't say anything to him he's big trouble the M25 says why? the M1 replies he's a circlepath.

[geofferz]

The M1 and the M25 sitting in a pub having a drink when the door bursts open and in walks a tall thin strip of tarmac pushing chairs and tables out of the way, The M1 says to the M25 what ever you do don't say anything to him he's big trouble the M25 says why? the M1 replies he's a circlepath.

I know it as a bit of tarmac and his mate having a drink and a piece of red tarmac comes in all angry. He's a cyclepath.

[Bigsime]

ye sorry predictive spelling isn't that good on my phone

[Stu]