Your worst joke!!!

[curlylegend]

Thanks Fiddlesticks, won't try and kick the cat today.

[JRH]

[Yorky]

 

[Simon Davey]

 

Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery.
Daffy turns to Elmer and says: “Is this Whiskey?”

Elmer says: “Yeth but not as withky as wobbing a bank!!”

[Tiggie]

[Gerontious]

Edited June 25, 2024 by Gerontious

[Steve_M]

 

I can only apologise in advance…
 

 

 

1. Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.
2. Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday. Huge mistake. 
3. I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
4. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
5. I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.
6. I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
7. Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.
8. Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam programme I've seen in a long time.
9. Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.
10. I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.
11. I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.
12. A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore
13. Just got a job playing triangle in a reggae band. I stand at the back and ting.
14. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
15. My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
16. Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.
17. I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I’m over it now. Happy Days.
18. My wife's working in a bowling alley. 
Ten pin? 
No, permanent.
19. Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.
20. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.
21. Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.
22. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
23. I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.
24. Did you know that owls can't breed in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
25. When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down
26. Dad: I’ve just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome. 
Mum: Is it common?
Dad: It's Not Unusual
27. My wife asked me if I could please stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybe.

[Simon Davey]

Very good, I enjoyed those. 

I can imagine Tommy Cooper telling some of those. 

[curlylegend]

1 minute ago, Simon Davey said:

Very good, I enjoyed those. 

I can imagine Tommy Cooper telling some of those. 

 Or Chick Murray....

[Simon Davey]

I just looked him up and watched this

 

He could teach elocution to most of Britain 

 

 

[curlylegend]

23 hours ago, Simon Davey said:

I just looked him up and watched this

 

He could teach elocution to most of Britain 

Droll in the extreme, sadly missed.  I'm sure it was Chic Murray who told us that a horse went into a bar and the barman asked "Why the long face ?"

[Gerontious]

 

 

[S-Westerly]

Pretty sure I'd victimise anyone who asked me to do that to any coffee I was making.

[veracocha]

I popped into the butchers today to get some offcuts for my ferrets and I asked the guy if he had a pigs head. He said "no mate, it's just the way I comb my hair"

[Gerontious]

[husoi]

[husoi]

How to have a balanced diet

 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C9CY00zx_4x/?igsh=MTQ1bHQxODNhZnB2aQ==

 

[RideWithStyles]

On 08/07/2024 at 16:37, husoi said:

Im guessing the  one measure is the fill line? Make mine a double.

[husoi]

3 minutes ago, RideWithStyles said:

Im guessing the  one measure is the fill line? Make mine a double.

That's the second week

[AstronautNinja]

Whats the difference between a femanist and a knife..... The knife has a point

[AstronautNinja]

Saw someone emailed Jeremy VIne and suggested that to find that Jay kid that they should just shout AUTOGLASS REPAIR and if he's close he'll reply AUTOGLASS REPLACE. Jeremy was not impressed

[husoi]

[Gerontious]

[husoi]

[husoi]