Colin the Bear Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z28/Colin_the_bear/fighting0080.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salsarider79 Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 This is a bit academic as jokes go, but...Rene Descartes goes into a pub and orders a beer.The bar serves Descartes his beer, which he pays for and drinks.The barman ask if he wants another beer.Descartes looks thoughtful for a second and says "I think not" and promptly vanishes....(you might need to google Rene Descartes to get this...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iWannaGoFast Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 VERY few people will get that, and even if you do that's bloody crap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mealexme Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 is that to do with his "I think, therefore I am" statement? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iWannaGoFast Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Bingo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben_E Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Murphy and Mary decide to try a 69. Murphy's never tried it so Mary says she'll show him. She tells him to lie on the floor and squats over him. As she lowers herself onto his face she farts. Apologizing, she tries again but farts again. Murphy jumps up and storms out yelling,"You can f**k right off if you think i'm hanging around for another 67 of them." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitedevil Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an American, a Canadian, representatives from Crete, South America, Iceland, France, China, Austrialia, New Zealand, Easter Island, Sardinia, Italy, Malta, Dubai, Japan, South Korea, Denmark, Hungary and an African ALL went to a night club.The bouncer said "Sorry, I cant let you in without a Thai" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinki-88 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 what is the pessimists blood type?B negative Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colin the Bear Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Bought a new dog to guard the house but he's useless. He lets anyone in. Turns out he's a pedigree Collie, a Border Collie, a UK Border force Collie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bogof Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Heard the new Teresa May joke?Knock knock!Come in! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susieque Posted November 22, 2011 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 Ha ha ha!!!A woman whose days days in her current role appear to be numbered!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben_E Posted November 22, 2011 Share Posted November 22, 2011 He was in ecstasy, with a smile on his face, As his girlfriend moved forwards then backwards.....forwards then backwards.....back and forth..back and forth..In and out..in and out..Her heart was pounding faster, her face was getting flushed & she started to grunt and groan.Then she let out one almighty scream!!!"I can't park this f***ing car! You do it!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 What's 6" long, but won't get sucked tonight?Jimmy Saville's cigar..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?'To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of herglasses and says, 'Fook off, ye'll no bring it back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Ear InfectionThey always ask at the doctor's office why you are there and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong.Sometimes it's embarrassing.There's nothing worse than a receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?''There's something wrong with my dick,' he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.' 'Why y not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.The receptionist replied, 'You've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.'The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.'The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?''There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, acknowledging that he had taken her advice.'And what is wrong with your ear, sir?''I can't piss out of it,' he replied.The waiting room erupted in laughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Whats the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a rucksack? The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben_E Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mealexme Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!this is now on my facebook page! haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben_E Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!this is now on my facebook page! haha It's amazing how many people don't get it though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyberwolf Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyberwolf Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyberwolf Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhJay Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I love going into bookshops and going up to the counter and saying:"Hello, I'm looking for a book. It's called 'How to deal with rejection without killing'...Do you have it?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mealexme Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I know im not going to get to sleep tonight and Ihave to get up at 7am tomorrow, im going to be more tired than the michelin man... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben_E Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 A lady approached me in the street and proceeded to tell me a joke.It had all the ingredients of a good joke. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, deprivation, humiliation, pain and suffering, but I didn't quite understand the punchline. Something about a donation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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