Steve_M Posted December 21, 2024 Posted December 21, 2024 Magistrate: “Officer. What’s the difference between drunk & incapable and drunk & disorderly?” Constable: “Well Sir, if they’re drunk I trips 'em up. If they stay down they’re incapable. If they gets up wanting to fight, they’re disorderly” 1 3 Quote
Simon Davey Posted December 21, 2024 Posted December 21, 2024 I didn't have to think about that for long, that's very good 1 Quote
Mississippi Bullfrog Posted December 22, 2024 Posted December 22, 2024 14 hours ago, Steve_M said: The perfect Christmas present? The best thing about that sketch is that it was based on an actual event. A bloke in a hardware store wrote to Ronnie Barker telling him of the misunderstanding and Barker turned into the best comedy sketch ever. 2 Quote
curlylegend Posted December 25, 2024 Posted December 25, 2024 A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk" !! Exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" "Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?" "I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer." The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!" "Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call." So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money." "I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck. "Where is it?" "At the circus," Says the barman. "The circus?" Repeats the duck. "That's right," Replies the barman. "The circus?" The duck asks again. with the big tent?" "Yeah," the barman replies. "With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck. "Of course," the barman replies. "And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck. "That's right!" says the barman. The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says "What the hell would they want with a plasterer" ??? 8 Quote
Popular Post Simon Davey Posted January 6 Popular Post Posted January 6 (edited) I was just reading a SBS eBay page for a second helmet kit for my Cardo, I scrolled to the bottom and saw this.... It's the last line, I'm sure it's innocent, but it's hilarious. https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/155690931637 Edited January 6 by Simon Davey 1 10 Quote
Simon Davey Posted January 7 Posted January 7 I emailed the above to SBS, and got these sent back to me. They do read all the reviews, just to check they're "safe". A Helmet to Complete The Retro Look Having a mid-life crisis? Want to re-live your unspent youth? Recently purchased a retro bike? Want something decent on your head to complete the look? Then this helmet will tick the boxes. Super lightweight, supremely comfortable and completes the modern classic/retro look. Unfortunately, that look, for me at least, is of a tall, fat man, trying to be 16 again. Its a pathetic image I can assure you. In all seriousness, a really fantastic helmet, coupled with the flawless service of Sports Bike Shop makes for one excellent midlife crisis. Oakley Goggles They're Good! They're brilliant, grip my helmet tightly, but not too tightly that it effects my vision, leaving me to concentrate on the job in hand and arriving safely. Bought them with the Dark Grey and Clear Lenses to complete the retro/modern classic/throw back look that I am currently going for. Whilst I still look like a sad fat man in a midlife crisis, the tinted Goggles stop me from really seeing all the people laughing and pointing at me. Highly recommend for Goggles and the usual flawless service from SBS. 5 Quote
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