Your worst joke!!!

[RantMachine]

What does having kids have in common with an Italian vegan?

They-a both-a miss steak.

[Tiggie]

Man says to his wife "why are there broken condoms on my chair?" Wife replies "I'm not telling you again, STOP calling our children that!"

[puggybear]

Well,it's finally happened...my g/f & I have parted.

I just could NOT put up any longer with her constant counting.

Every waking moment of every day,that girl was counting.

I know it's a form of ocd,but,ALWAYS she was counting.

.....I wonder what she's up to now.....

[puggybear]

I agreed to help out at a meeting of Kleptomaniacs Anonymous,last night.

...I had to stand,as all the seats had been taken.....

[puggybear]

Later,we went to the world's quietest bowling alley.

When they said 'silent',they really meant it.

....you could hear a pin drop...

[Mr Fro]

Two blokes walk in to a pub.

The first one goes up to the bar and says "I'll have a pint of H2O".

The second one says "I'll have a pint of H2O too".

The second bloke died.

[Tiggie]

I do like a blonde joke

[puggybear]

I had a dump on my neighbour's roof,yesterday.

It caused a bit of a row between us.

So today,I wiped the slate clean...

[fredc]

Two businessmen in a new shopping mall

were sitting down for a

break in their soon-to-be new shop

As yet, the shop wasn't ready,

with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other,

"I bet any minute now some pensioner

is going to walk by, put their face to the window,

and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth

when, sure enough, a curious old woman

walked to the window, had a peek,

and in a soft voice asked,

"What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically,

"We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old dear said,

"Must be doing well...

Only two left."

[simpss774]

Jelly baby goes to the doctor and says " Doctor Doctor I think I have AIDS" to which the Doctor replies "So why do you think that?" and the Jelly Baby say "Coz i've been fu*kin Allsorts"

[Bhawk]

Not really a joke but something that once happened. When I was younger I worked in a falconry centre, doing displays for the public. One day me and a colleague were stood by the vultures aviary, when I kids comes up to us and goes "whoaaaa their massive... would they eat me whole?" to which, without hesitation my colleague replies "no, they'll leave that bit"

I was howling!

[kernel gadaffi]

Is there a time and a place for spontaneity?

[Bhawk]

A young journalist had gone to work for the local newspaper. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state.

Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmer's house and decided this would be a good place to start.

He introduced himself to the back country farmer. "I'm doing a human interest story and I'd like to interview you," the young journalist said.

"Sure thing," the farmer replied.

"Okay," the reporter began. "Tell me about an event in your life that made you very happy."

The farmer replied, “One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all screwed it, we took it back to the farmer that lost it!”

“I can’t print that!” said the reporter, “Can you think of another event that made you happy?”

The farmer thought for a minute and said, “Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin’ young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. She was 18 and she was willing. After all of us screwed her, we took her back to her daddy.”

"I can't print that either!" the journalist said. "Let's try something different. Tell me about a time in your life that made you really sad."

The farmer hung his head and replied, “Well, I got lost once...”

[Bhawk]

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None!

[Bhawk]

Why does santa have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year

[Mr Fro]

Egyptologists have just announced the discovery of a new mummy.

Analysis of the wrappings have revealed traces of chocolate and hazelnut.

The mummy is believed to be the remains of the ancient King Pharaoh Rocher.

[Topper]

Whats Brown & Sticky?

A Stick

well the thread title is worst Joke

[Stu]

Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special.

She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked!

[AndyPF04]

Why do blondes buy cars with sunroofs?

More Leg room.......

[Tango]

I'm not sure if this is a wind up, but I just had a phone call to say that I'd won £250 cash or tickets to an Elvis tribute night...........It said to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show........

[Tango]

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dunnnggggg!

[Stu]

Bob....that was shit

OK I will get my coat

[Grumpy Old Git]

[Grumpy Old Git]

A few blokes were having a beer in the local when one of them said - "So Dave, I hear you are getting divorced - Why?"

"Well, it all started on the morning of my 50th Birthday - I woke up - No Cards - No mention from the wife or kids - No presents. I went to work - No comments from my colleagues. Just before lunchtime, I get a call to go to the Boss's office. On arrival, the receptionist says "Dave, It's your birthday today isn't it? Can I treat you to lunch. I though 'why the hell not' and off we went. After a very nice lunch, she says 'Don't bother going back to the office - why not come home with me and we'll share a bottle of wine. Again, I though why not, so back to her flat we went. Half way through the wine, she said 'excuse me while I go through to the bedroom and put on something more comfortable'. Five minutes later, out she comes carrying a birthday cake, accompanied by my wife, kids and work colleagues".

After a couple of minutes silence, one of the guys said " But, Dave, why are you getting divorced?????"

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"Because, there I was lying naked on the couch!"

[RantMachine]

Wow, that joke seems awfully familiar...