Nob of the Day.......

[Mississippi Bullfrog]

Back on track....the Muppet who got his brand new honey extractor up to full speed with around 30+lb of honey plus frames going round so fast it was all a blur.....

....and then stuck his hand into the mechanism.

(Currently writing this one handed.)

[BIKERDAD]

Self loving dumb BMW driver on the A468 traffic jam down hill last night who I was in my Car with the family when I almost ran in to the back of this twot ....as his car got very close to the front of my car .when i thought I was at fault as I didn't see his brake lights come on . Only after the 2an time I got close HE DONT HAVE ANY BRAKE LIGHTS .then the one in the back window (LED type) 6 or 7 red dots .well half them was NOT working . We then came to pass him as it now was 2 lanes sees he got 2 young kids in the back (both between 4 .7 .) My wife shouted to him (his window was open ) you don't have any brake lights ...... he looks at us and says ....one in the middle works now f**k off ...puts his foot down an off he goes .......wife was gob smacked I went nuts at the way he spoken to her . I wanted to knock his lights out . So we called the cops (101 service 20 mins later )told them as if any one runs in to the back him its there fault unless they got dash cam .

[Moonraker]

Me yesterday for leaving my bike with its parking lights on all day, so when I finished work I had to bump start the bike.

[Six30]

Every one I’ve come in contact with today ... and yesterday as well come to think of it .

[Westbeef]

I'm gonna say my missus for damaging the car for the third time in 6 months.

[JRH]

I'm gonna say my missus for damaging the car for the third time in 6 months.

 

Pictures or it never happened.

[Westbeef]

I'm gonna say my missus for damaging the car for the third time in 6 months.

 

Pictures or it never happened.

 

Well this time she popped a tyre hitting a curb

[Mississippi Bullfrog]

BMW X1 approaching a roundabout with the right hand indicator flashing (I know, BMW drivers aren't meant to know what indicators are for), so I kept to the left lane.

BMW then cuts left right across me.... clearly I was in the wrong for assuming a right hand indicator means he's going right rather than left.

Maybe it is better when they follow their usual method of not using indicators at all.

[Guest]

Petrol station staff in Sacramento. Asked for 13$ on pump 2. Went outside to fill up. Nothing happening. Go back in, she comes out and looks at pump blankly then goes back in saying hold in a minute. Nothing happens, go back in and she says she put it on pump 6 and someone has taken 8 dollars and we'll have to pay again. No thanks little miss brains of a rocking horse. She speaks to manager who says I gave the wrong pump number. I lose my rag and go ape shit crazy at that the guy for a good 5 minutes. He gets 8 dollars out the til and I leave ranting.

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

Sounds like you first pump attended screwed up and didn’t want to fess up to her mistake in front of the boss. Doubt that was the first mistake she’s made!

Some people do take the biscuit.

[fastbob]

Me for setting fire to my bike 500 miles from home . Camped at Ullapool in Scotland. Woke up , packed my gear , put on riding gear , got on bike , pressed start button, nothing . I know what's wrong because it's happened before but I thought I'd fixed it . One cylinder has slowly filled with petrol overnight and hydraulic locked the engine . So off with the gear , out with the tools , tank off , left hand plug out , move the ht lead safely out of the way ( oh yeah ) , stand well back on the right hand side of the bike to avoid being drenched in petrol and hit the starter button . Whoosh ! A fountain of petrol shoots into the air BUT the right hand cylinder has fired up and suddenly the petrol that landed back on the cylinder head is on fire ignited presumably by the loose ht lead . So what did knob of the day do ? He frantically blew on it like it was a birthday cake and , amazingly ,it went out ! Thankfully only a couple of bikers across the way saw what happened so I cheerfully waved and said " That's got it going " what an idiot ! If I had stood on the other side of the bike I would have been a human torch by now . Certainly got the heart beating in the morning !

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

Jeez that’s a spectacular one. Glad you’ve survived to tell the tale here rather than the alternative!

[funinacup]

Woah! Cracking story tho. Should've cooked your breakfast on it.

[onesea]

Me for setting fire to my bike 500 miles from home . Camped at Ullapool in Scotland. Woke up , packed my gear , put on riding gear , got on bike , pressed start button, nothing . I know what's wrong because it's happened before but I thought I'd fixed it . One cylinder has slowly filled with petrol overnight and hydraulic locked the engine . So off with the gear , out with the tools , tank off , left hand plug out , move the ht lead safely out of the way ( oh yeah ) , stand well back on the right hand side of the bike to avoid being drenched in petrol and hit the starter button . Whoosh ! A fountain of petrol shoots into the air BUT the right hand cylinder has fired up and suddenly the petrol that landed back on the cylinder head is on fire ignited presumably by the loose ht lead . So what did knob of the day do ? He frantically blew on it like it was a birthday cake and , amazingly ,it went out ! Thankfully only a couple of bikers across the way saw what happened so I cheerfully waved and said " That's got it going " what an idiot ! If I had stood on the other side of the bike I would have been a human torch by now . Certainly got the heart beating in the morning !

 

Makes me feel better I did similar with single cylinder 2 stroke on a boat. I guess the vapers found a spark.

Put myself out using sea water, put boat out using fire extinguisher, shut seacocks and used dinghy to get ashore. Drove to hospital.

Hospital told me off for various things during my 5 days stay...

Edit to add now no longer on mobile at work, things told of for:

1) Sea Water bad for burns - well I figured it was better than carrying on burning.

2) Not calling lifeboat for dinghy ride home - well they would of had to wait until the tide came in.

3) Driving myself to hospital - well by the time I was ashore about away a 5 minute drive to hospital did not seem like a problem.

[fastbob]

Wow ! Must have hurt like hell , glad you recovered ok . In future I shall be carrying a piece of tubing to siphon the fuel out if it happens again. Also looking at fitting a tap with an OFF position .

[Via]

Love it! Almost lost complete bladder control when you started blowing on it! More important though hope bike is ok?

[HomerPlata]

Nob of the day for me is the stripy little yellow bast*rd that got into my helmet on the way to work this morning Luckily I was stopped at lights, so my little spaz-out didn't cause a crash, but I just learned a valuable lesson about when and where to open the visor for a bit of fresh air

[kingmunky]

Nob of the day for me is the stripy little yellow bast*rd that got into my helmet on the way to work this morning Luckily I was stopped at lights, so my little spaz-out didn't cause a crash, but I just learned a valuable lesson about when and where to open the visor for a bit of fresh air

 

Been there, done that! Now I just keep the visor cracked a little bit unless I'm slowly going through city centre/resi streets.

[Hoggs]

[mention]Glorian[/mention] is the king of was in a helmet tales

[fastbob]

Love it! Almost lost complete bladder control when you started blowing on it! More important though hope bike is ok?

 

Yeah, the bike was fine , nothing had time to go crispy.

[Bianco2564]

The bike rider on the A43 by Silverstone earlier this afternoon doing about a ton with what looked like a kid riding pillion.

If the speed wasn't bad enough the kid had a jacket on that was flapping around and riding up exposing their back.

[fastbob]

The bike rider on the A43 by Silverstone earlier this afternoon doing about a ton with what looked like a kid riding pillion.

If the speed wasn't bad enough the kid had a jacket on that was flapping around and riding up exposing their back.

 

Strangely enough,years ago , I raced a CBR 600 all the way from Silverstone . When we got near Coventry I let him pass to see if I knew who it was and they had a small kid clinging to their back like a rucksack . Thankfully the kid had a full mini race suit on . A few a days later a copper came into the bike shop where I worked to take a break from nicking speeders on the A444 . " Good race on Sunday Bob " says he . Yep it was the CBR rider .

[Glorian]

@Glorian is the king of was in a helmet tales

 

Ask an ye shall recieve

https://youtu.be/ZFcv7JLVRLo

Shitty sound effects included

[Six30]

In the que at McDonald’s this morning ... the prick in front making a scene cause all the meat at breakfast had pork in it ...

He wasn’t very amused when I told him to get some porridge .

[BIKERDAD]

The silver escort size van driver who thought It would be funny to cross the white line as I was filtering towards him I had to slam on the brakes to stop me and the wife hitting him head on the lorry drive seen what he was doing ( the lorry driver in front ) so I had the nob playing chicken with me a lorry horn going off my wife head butting me in the back the head while trying to stop inside my side of the white line next to this lorry .then he moves over last minute to pass me . If I'd be on my own I'd have hit him head on or followed him and hit him .

There was loads of room to filter down the road yet.he thought it be funny why would you think it be funny to drive head on with a motorbike ????? I just wish my head cam was working I'd had him reported to the cops .. so if just.ordered a new dash cam front and back Camera for my bike ..