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Your worst joke!!!


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Reminds me of the old only fools and horses bit.

 

Del:

Never give up on people, Rodney. I know that most of the time they don't seem to understand. But when you're in trouble and you cry out for help, some will always be there. Trigger's cousin Cyril's a perfect example. He owed 500 quid on his mortgage.

 

Trigger:

They were gonna be thrown out on the street the following day. he was very worried about it.

 

Mike:

So what happened Trig?

 

Trigger:

He drove out to Beachy Head. Parked about five foot from the edge of the cliff.

 

Albert:

What, he was gonna drive off it?

 

Trigger:

Yeah! He just sat there for a couple of hours, his head resting on the steering wheel. People tried to talk to him out of it but he was too depressed to listen.

 

Del:

But then, and this is what I mean about people, Rodney, they had a whip-round and got him his 500 quid.

 

Rodney:

No! Who held the whip-round?

 

Del:

All the passengers on his bus.

 

 

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"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 weeks. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four weeks holiday and five good leads...

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My mate just escaped from a travelling troupe of mime artists who had kidnapped him.  He said they had subjected him to unspeakable things.

Edited by Tinkicker
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Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel.

As they are about to make love, the male duck says,

”Oh, we haven’t got any cond0ms. I’ll ring down to room service.”

He calls and asks for some cond0ms.

The woman says

”OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?”

”No” he says,

”I’ll suffocate!”

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