Wise sayings

[Mississippi Bullfrog]

I am always on the lookout for words that convey wisdom.

I'll start the ball rolling with the latest from our church magazine....

Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

[Joeman]

I was told this a while ago and it seems pretty accurate, but looks so much cooler with Ali-G I had to upload the meme

[Guest]

simpsons is a gold mine for wise sayings.

"What’s the point of going out? We’re just gonna wind up back here anyway"

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try.”

[geofferz]

"Why go hard when you can go home?"

(because staying in is for winners)

[Moonraker]

Don't forget to drink water and get some sunlight because you're basically a house plant with more complicated emotions.

[MarkW]

"Never w*nk on the carpet when you should be balls deep in your brothers wife" (slight paraphrasing of Genesis 38:9).

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

"Never w*nk on the carpet when you should be balls deep in your brothers wife" (slight paraphrasing of Genesis 38:9).

 

A tad

[Slowlycatchymonkey]

One of my quiet friends said under his breath once whilst some guide was trying to fleece us tip wise-

“Tip? Don’t eat yellow snow”

[megawatt]

You're better looking at it than for it.

[SometimesSansEngine]

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[Joeman]

Celery is 90% water, so if I walk on celery that makes me 90% Jesus.

[Stu]

One I tend to keep using at work recently!

Snitches get stitches

[Six30]

If women ruled the world there would be no wars.

Just a bunch of countries not talking to eachother.

[Bender]

Never take an idiot with you

You can always pick one up when you get there

[Mickly]

Never trust a hippie

[Muttly]

If at first you don’t succeed you are obviously not a parrot. (My dad)

It’ll be alright in the end, if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

Whether you think you can or you think you cannot, you are right.

[Guest]

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

"It's unpleasantly like being drunk."

"What's unpleasant about being drunk?"

"Just you ask a glass of water!"

[Muttly]

It must be a Thursday, I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

[Phooey]

From my RAF days ... 'Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men'.

[TimR]

Don't put pinkies where you wouldn't put your Dinky ..

[Tankbag]

For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons

[Muttly]

To have found this has alwaya helped with perspective:

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.

[Moonraker]

Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down the their level and then beat you with experience.

[MR_W]

If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not your sport.

[Mr Fro]

I was given two outstanding pieces of advice by my grandfather:

1 - Always look at the mother.

2 - Big tits at twenty, fat wife at forty.